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Mandatory reading:
Israel is in the news again, but there's nothing new about that. In fact, the conflict is so NOT new that any of our old stories can pass for current events if you don't look at the date stamp. Here's the proof.
The phrase "binders full of women" speaks to the progressive psyche in ways that the non-initiated can't possibly understand. Once again, the progressives are letting their primal fantasies choose their battles for them.
The townhall debate wasn't even over, and already the Internet was afire with snarky "women in binders" jokes, parodies, and pictures, prompting a glowing CNN report about "a Twitter hashtag, a series of memes on Tumblr, and a Facebook page with over 100,000 fans."
Reasonable people are scratching their heads: what is so terribly wrong with this seemingly innocuous, if awkward, way to describe Mitt Romney's efforts to find qualified women applicants?
To paraphrase Baudelaire, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world of the moral superiority of collectivism. According to Ayn Rand, if we don't convince the world otherwise, nothing else will work. Our greatest ally in this fight is human nature. Our greatest asset is morality itself, which is really, truly, undeniably, and absolutely on our side.
The lines inside Chick-Fil-A were longer than at the DMV or at the unemployment offices, although not as long as the projected hospital lines upon the implementation of ObamaCare. The average line could be compared to that at an airport security checkpoint, except there was no TSA agent at the end of it. By force of habit, some of our agents joined the line thinking there was a politician giving away freebies. If only General Motors could find a way to attract as many customers without having to support traditional marriage!
On the flipside, Obama's quote reads like this:
"If you have failed, somebody along the line ruined it for you. There was a lousy teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unfair American system that caused you to fail. Somebody benefitted from your demise. If you're a loser, it's not your fault. Somebody else made that happen. Titanic didn't sink on its own. Corporations and insurance companies made a lot of money off of it, so they must be complicit. The point is, when we fail, we fail not only because of our individual shortcomings, but also because others have teamed up behind your backs. Vote for me - I'll punish the guilty and give you what's rightfully yours."
Raymond Ibrahim reports about a new fatwa that explicitly legitimizes sodomy and even makes it obligatory if it helps to wage Jihad on the unbelievers.
Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.
The Obama slogan for 2012 is in and it's "Forward." The left has always been enamored of "Forwardism" or "Progressivism" which mean much the same thing. Before MSNBC had "Lean Forward," Mao had the Great Leap Forward, which killed some 40 million people, far more people than MSNBC can ever dream of tuning in to their programs.
When Lenin wanted to launch his own newspaper, he called it, "Vperod" or "Forward." The name has popped up on the mastheads of left-wing newspapers across the world. It's "Vorwarts" in Germany, "Voorwarts" in the Netherlands and "Ila al-Amam" in the Arab world. Back in New York it's "The Forward."
A recently surfaced video of an EPA official's rant confirms what many of us already knew about the Obama Administration: they fancy themselves as the rulers of conquered territories populated by restless barbarians who must be subjugated at any cost, complete with indiscriminate and severe exemplary punishments.
Al Armendariz, Administrator for EPA's South Central Region (appointed by President Obama on November 5, 2009), thought he was among his cohorts when he said this:
"The Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean. They'd go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they'd find the first five guys they saw and they would crucify them. And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years."
Mitt Romney is rumored to disobey the mainstream media's Hispanic Skin Color Advisory System while vetting vice-presidential candidates. According to experts, the likely Republican VP candidate, Marco Rubio, who is of Cuban descent, is too light-skinned to be considered fully Hispanic, falling under a subprime minority group classification as White Hispanic, or WHISP.
This was written when I still lived in Ukraine in the early 1990s. It was intended to be a chapter in a fact-based novel, as yet unpublished. Although the Communist Party had been officially disbanded, it still maintained a firm grip on the country, using every means of manipulation available.
Proponents of leftist ideologies around the world share one common trait: they always demand to be included, but once you let them in, they force everybody else out, while refusing to leave themselves.
One person alone can never fill the void that Breitbart leaves behind. We need thousands of Andrew Breitbarts. We need you to be Andrew Breitbart. I am Andrew Breitbart.
~ Katie O'Malley
Dual action: it saves shower water too! With Once-A-Day Flusher's organic odors, no one will loiter in the bathroom ever again. It is scrub-scrub, rinse-rinse, then FLEE!
The narrative of the WAR ON WOMEN™ is still being created, as the battles rage in the minds of the hired script writers of the DNC-Media Complex. The suffering of the women has already been established, and the war propaganda is flowing seamlessly from the Mainstream Media outlets.
However, the GOP side has been slow on the uptake. That gave us an idea to use old wartime posters from the Motherland to represent the War Machine of the Misogynist Republican Army (the MRA) - solely for the purpose of widening and deepening the ongoing media narrative.
This is a developing project that needs assistance from grassroots volunteers like you! Give us your war tales!
70 years of American progress:
- From "We can do it!" to "We can get the government to do it!"
- From "The Great Generation" to "The Grift Generation"
- From Rosie the Riveter to Sandra the Riveted
Keep socialist pests away with this odor-activated talking device that reads such irritating pre-recorded messages as:
· Life isn't fair.
· Work starts at 7am.
· Why don't you pitch in and help out?
· Grab a shovel or a hammer.
· Remember to shower once a day.
· Progress is not what you think it is.
· Nobody owes you anything.
· The earth is just fine, thank you.
· Obama is not a god.
· Marxism is just an outdated conspiracy theory.
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A little improvement on the latest Newsweek coverasking "Why Obama's Critics Are So Dumb?"
Indeed, the fools can't see how great his new clothes look!
In addition to being world's best T-shirt salesman, comrade Che Guevara has recently gained fame of, perhaps, world's best car salesman - or at least best car salesman at Mercedes Benz, where he was also honored with a prestigious Employee of the Month Award and a commemorative plaque.
Three extra-ration cheers to Che! Let's help our comrade sell even more cars, thus infiltrating the heart of capitalist, oil-driven, industrialized Western civilization.
How? Let's collectively generate new great car-selling slogans! After all, in the glorious communist future, the Party elites will need most equal cars from the most equal manufacturer!
The People's Cube 2011
The People's Cube 2010
The People's Cube 2009
The People's Cube 2008
The People's Cube 2007
The People's Cube 2006
The People's Cube 2005
People's Cube Satire Classics - Greatest Hits
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
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World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Meek inherit Earth, can't afford estate taxes
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Theoretical black hole created in lab, media sucked in
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Taliban revise burka policy after realizing uncovered women can do more damage to US military than suicide bombers
China's Peoples Daily launches attack on New York Times in what State Dept classifies as "friendly fire" incident
Democrats seek experienced Somali pirates to launch "Pirate the Vote" campaign in battleground states
Ohio elections: Obama promotes Somali pirate participation with promise of pre-paid propaganda parrot with each swiped ballot
Children blame their parents in pro-Obama music video produced by the Menendez brothers
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
As hurricane Sandy remains undecided about where to make landfall, Frank Luntz books her for next focus group
Obama apologizes to Muslim community for foiled Federal Reserve bomb plot, blames despicable Capital One credit card commercial, promises to arrest Alec Baldwin
Americans prepare for obnoxious Thanksgiving relatives by watching reruns of Biden/Ryan debate
Obamacare experts promise that hospital patients will soon be able to see Alren Specter's head get attached to Joe Biden's body
Republican War Machine sent one of Romney clones to Debate Obama
Obama: "Let them eat statistics"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Obama to Middle East flag burners: "You didn't burn that, somebody else made that happen"
FBI's billion dollar facial recognition software malfunctions after scan of Nancy Pelosi's face
Hurricane Isaac: a preview of things to come if Republicans go through with their plan to deregulate weather
Obama declares Tampa a Federal Disaster Zone; DHS relocates Romney, Ryan to FEMA-approved refugee facilities
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
Troubled Harry Reid again arrested for DWI, resisting arrest while naked
Obama and Democrats alienate yet another loyal voter bloc: Necro-Americans
Unregulated Americans rampage and pillage following regulatory Czar Cass Sunstein's resignation
Team USA beats Nigeria by 83 points after receiving email from Nigerian prince offering 3 gold medals each if they send him theirs first
Tropical storm Ernesto: countdown begins to MSNBC exalting it as "Hurricane Che"
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Witness: "The line at Chick-fil-A was so long, I thought Obamcare had already been implemented."
GM profits plunge 41%; CEO to make desperate statement in favor of traditional marriage
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff of it
Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) sponsors House Resolution to have Mercury (Hg) removed from Periodic Chart as a means of fighting pollution, global warming
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Media to refer to gold medal winners as one-percenters
John Kerry: "Send back those medals - it's the only fair thing to do!"
Obama apologizes for U.S. Olympic success: "They didn't win that."
Olympic Committee to withdraw medals from non-unionized athletes, give them to deserving Public Employee Union members
Study: If water boarding were a sexual preference it would be part of public school curriculum
Obama Administration reportedly runs food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Experts: Communism is to Socialism, what Bud is to Bud Light
Did you know? Dead plants and animals are an environmental tragedy; dead border patrol agents are just a statistic
Report: Obama too half-white to address half of NAACP delegation
Latest figures reveal Obama leading Romney, 117 to 55, in using first-person pronouns "I" and "me" in speeches
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Experts have little hope for Venezuela surviving late-stage metastasized Chavez
In addition to giving your wedding gifts to Obama, you can now also write Obama into your will, family trust, or grant him power of attorney over your estate - all through innovative online service at Legalchoom.gov/grift
Obama re-election campaign announces Independence Day fire sale of "old-fashioned White House junk"
Proof of "God particle" found; ACLU files suit against astrophysicists
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
"How to Impeach a Supreme Court Justice" debuts at #1 on New York Times bestseller list
Justice Scalia: "Hitting refresh on Drudge Report isn't going to make wording of healthcare decision any different"
Obama Admin launches new series, Game Of Drones
MSNBC: Rodney King dies as a result of wounds sustained in 1991 police beating
White House: Manufacturing millions "I Heart Gringos" welcoming guest worker uniforms will save or create enough jobs to compensate for the 800,000 taken away by new arrivals
Catching up with President Kardashian, Joe Biden changes name to Hilton, uploads sex video
Jay Carney: Nat'l security leaks are proof that President is fulfilling promise of most open and transparent administration ever
Canadian Cannibal admits to being influenced by Occupy Wall Street chant 'Eat the Rich'
Mostly peaceful dems on Twitter mostly peacefully declare they want to mostly peacefully kill Governor Walker
Walker wins; two MSNBC hosts commit suicide live on air
Obama: 'As soon as Bush walked back into the White House, unemployment went up'
Bloomberg to restrict children's access to Food Network in NYC metro area; shows with high-calory content to air after 8pm
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
White House confirms Obama has daughters and spoke of 'sons' merely out of gender-blindness: 'We all know that sexual organs are a discriminatory social construct that must be deconstructed'
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Study: Obama doesn't like "fat cats" because he is a "dog person"
Dems claim their attacks on Haley, Palin, Ann Romney are not "War on Conservative Women," but rather "Domestic Feminist Contingency Operation"
Biden launches his 2012 campaign to get thrown off ticket by blaming Tea Party for bad economy
Obama to Cory Booker: a mind is a terrible thing to use
Summer dead; Gore blames climate change
In attempt to recover $2 billion loss, JP Morgan Chase renames itself Chasebook
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
As election campaign heats up, Obama promises students to forgive their sins
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Democrat geneologists: every time you drop litter on highway, Elizabeth Warren sheds a single tear
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Michelle: My stick is bigger than Barack's
Breaking news: one year later, Bin Laden still dead
Obama in Afghanistan: American chicken is going home to roost
Elizabeth Warren claims kinship to Sitting Bull; receives Indian name of Lying Cow
Obama: Killing one terrorist is a triumph, killing millions of jobs is a statistic
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Study: North Korean Army threats as credible as White House news briefings
Obama to Congress: my government, my business
WH news briefing cut short after Jay Carney's pants spontaneously self-combust
Catholic Bishops order supersize confession booth for James Carney
Romney campaign requests Obama's fourth-grade book report on World of Dogs; Obama says, 'I ate it'
Insulted by Romney's accusation of them doing Obama's bidding, enraged media demand immediate instructions from White House on how to respond
Hillary in Colombian bar: Read my hips!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama: If I had a mother, she'd look like Trayvon Martin's
Study: Ozzie Guillen's beatdown by U.S. media not as bad as beatdown in Cuban prison for speaking out
Olbermann: "They fired me for wearing a hoodie!"
Cheney gets new heart; nation also hopeful that Biden gets brain, Obama courage, and House drops on Pelosi
Trayvor Martin shooting causes fear of backlash among Latinos with old-Jewish-guy names
In effort to escape vigilante justice, George Zimmerman changes name to George Dylan
Larry Sinclair: : If I had a son, he'd look like Barack Obama
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
To raise awareness about how unattractive respiratory disorders can be, Obama's FDA bans over-the-counter sales of asthma inhalers
Turning disaster into success, Disney renames failing "John Carter" movie to "John Reagan"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
UN: Iron Dome system in Israel too successful, may cause humanitarian crisis as desperate Gaza officials are forced to divert funds from education and healthcare in order to compensate for destroyed missiles
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Whitney Houston and Elvis seen at Obama fundraiser
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
Battle of the Fluke: Dept. of Health and Human Services jumps into the fray by changing emblem from "Eagle of Soaring Prices" to "Woodpecker of Reproductive Justice"
Dept. of Energy certifies Georgetown Law School sex drive as clean energy source, adds to number of green jobs created
Limbaugh controversy prompts Atlantic City casinos to preemptively shut down wildly popular Sandra Fluke slot machines
Democrats push for a death tax on aborted fetuses, to be paid for by insurance companies
Third-grader forced to apologize to Sandra Fluke for telling classmate, "Yo mama went to Georgetown Law School"
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Putin's post-election tears sold for five million dollars on eBay, rumored to have magical and political powers; buyer identified by initials B.O.
Rush Limbaugh apologizes for criticizing Sandra Fluke's reproductive hobbies, sends her complimentary condoms and a video camera
Obama: I don't want anyone punished with a birth certificate
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Supportive Americans send Sandra Fluke thousands of contraceptives in hopes she'll never reproduce
Georgetown Law School students set to receive scholarships from Crate'O'Condoms manufacturer Johnson & Johnson
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Rescue team recovers Obama's birth certificate ten miles away from tornado path
Supporting Obama's Pond Scum Initiative, US Rep. Waters changes her name to Maxine "Stagnant" Waters
US commander in Afghanistan attempts to quell rioters by burning the American equivalent of the Koran - a year's subscription of 'Goosebumps'
Colorado school board: Islamic harassment of choir student not in violation of DOE guidelines on death threats
Obama refutes charges of being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Maya Angelou: "Whitney's dead, Santorum did it, Romney gave the gun, and Gingrich hid it"
Larry Flint: Santorum aspirin position in poor taste and beyond the pale
Israel invades Iranian air space to drop thousands of Fallout Shelter Manuals in Farsi
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Nation grateful to Madonna for promise to keep clothes on at Super Bowl
Trump endorses self, calls self to congratulate
Pelosi backs merger of Girl Scouts with Planned Parenthood: 'Who's NOT planning to be a parent at 12 these days?'
Groundhog Day news: Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see Obama's shadow
Obama's critics respond to Newsweek cover by publishing 'Defeating Obama for Dummies'
ACLU flooded with questions from donors: 'how and who to pray to in order to have Tim Tebow smitten?'
North Pole shuts down as elves unionize, demand warmer work environment
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
Rudolph publishes auto-biography, says shiny nose still cause for discrimination
Santa's sleigh grounded: PETA files animal cruelty suit against jolly old St. Nick
Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday
Adults to Occupiers: there is no socialist Santa Claus; OWS protesters vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies and milk
EPA to collect carbon tax on coal left in naughty childrens' stockings this Christmas
Carney: new tax on Christians to help improve Christ's image via NEA grants
Obama: this isn't Christmas tax, it's Jizya
Mainstream media exposes Cain's radical ties to Koch-funded abolitionist movement
Dems compromise with Cain, only 10 lashes if he returns to plantation now
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
NY Daily News poll asking New Yorkers about Wall Street protesters uncovers glitch in People's Math: 79% want to see 99% kicked out
Democrats to Wall Street Occupiers: We're with you, but please don't harass our biggest donors!
Iran 'will pay a price' for assassination plot: Obama will not bow to Ahmadinejad for minimum of 90 days
Gov't blocks AT&T/T-MOBILE merger, cites "insufficient 2012 campaign donations"
Paul Krugman predicts stimulus package named "Irene" will improve economy this weekend
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
Opposition wrongfully labels as "vacation" President's plan to join toiling workers in cranberry bogs of Martha's Vineyard
Carney calls Obama vacation 'stimulative,' estimates it will create 4 million jobs
Unemployment promises not to rise until after Obama's vacation
Gorbachev to Obama: 'I too should have abandoned the Communist party earlier'
Obama tours states in long black bus; Biden to follow in short bus
Gaddafi petitions UN to support London rebels, demands resignation of British Prime Minister
Six Flags opens new roller coaster called The Dow Jones
Obama blames Thomas Jefferson for current economic woes; Biden says it's King George's fault
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
President to interrupt his schedule, go on apology tour to Bible Belt, bow before local Church leaders
Media: Why do Christians hate us?
U.S. Board of Education institutes "Christian for a Day" program in public schools, considers celebrating Christmas
Ridley Scott to remake Kingdom of Heaven, this time portraying Crusaders as a peaceful, moderate group
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Progressive dream comes true: Nordic-looking Christian male commits act of terror
Racist NY Times quick to blame Muslims for Norway attack
Experts: new media standard dawns as headlines rush to describe race, color, and religion of Norwegian shooter
Study: Bicyclists have replaced Prius owners as smuggest commuters on Los Angeles freeways
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Summer fun looks up! June jobs numbers up from 18,000 new jobs to loss of 26,000 jobs
DNC eyes Romney as possible nominee for 2012
Nancy Grace on Casey Anthony verdict: "Somewhere out there, the devil is dancing tonight." Devil to Nancy: "I haven't danced since Roe v Wade"
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
White House admits to falling behind schedule in finding new populist, vapid 2012 reelection slogan
State Department: We're not bombing in Libya; we're only dropping unsolicited instant demolition devices
Obama to Congress: "Unlike me, you're always on vacation. That's what you are but what am I?"
Obama: "We can't cut our way to prosperity, but we sure can spend our way to oblivion
NY approves gay marriage; any moment now straight people expected to take to streets in hissy fit protest, demanding courts to overturn
White House cuts government waste by consolidating all Federal websites into one easy-to-use 'Obama-For-America-2012' website
Obama: 'The American private sector must lead the recovery! That's an order - I just signed it'
Huntsman Who: 'I-m like Reagan - a very, very efficient policy-wonk collectivist technocrat'
Pelosi reverses stance, vows to go hard on Weiner
Study: 60% of New York voters believe that Rep. Weiner had penis planted on him by Republican operatives
Tired of jokes about his name, Rep. Weiner (D) changes it to Whinner
Activists against voter ID discovered to be teens in elaborate scheme to avoid being carded at area nightclub
Harry Reid: 'We believe in a living breathing budget that evolves as society changes - today, tomorrow, the next minute, the next election'
Obama Administration demands secrecy in implementing 'transparent government' policy
Foreign policy mixup leads to Obama's order that helps US
Global happiness index compiled by Peoples Cube researchers shows ThePeoplesCube.com is best and happiest website, has healthiest babies, most bountiful beet harvests, enjoys wisest leader
Babies 'R' Us launches in-crib air traffic controller monitor to put little ones off to sleep
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Ken Burns' DVD "The Domestic Contingency Operation" #1 on Amazon
As French troops close in on Côte d'Ivoire's President, Code Pink condemns France's 'War for Chocolate'
Seattle school renames Easter eggs 'Spring Spheres'; also renames Passover 'Please don't kill the first born in this house,' and Ramadam to 'Eat after dark, put on 20lbs'
Government shutdown averted, which means the hard-working unionized masses at the IRS will continue, without interruption, to write letters kindly asking citizens to "pay their fair share"
Media Matters reporting: Fox News to execute Glenn Beck next Tuesday
Conde Nast gave $8m to scammer who sent one email; elsewhere, electorate gave four years to scammer who had one slogan
Obama 2012: It's a Kinetic Voter Action, not a reelection campaign
As Japanese workers stuff newspapers into nuclear reactor to stop toxic leakage, questions arise if stuffing nuclear reactor into New York Times might bring similar beneficial results
Jihadists Without Borders rush to aid Libyian rebels
Obama skips trip to Mayan ruins, returns home to visit ruins of America instead
Apple unveils iPad 2.0; Obama unveils Bush 2.0
Biden: US troops in Libya could help save or create thousands of civilian lives
Maintaining two wars while starting a third proves easy for Nobel Peace Prize winner Obama
Mainstream media learns to stop worrying and love the war
NYT: Sometimes war can be the answer
NPR: War with Libya to reduce unemployment and carbon footprint
MSNBC: Counting civilian deaths in Libya too complicated
Obama suggests No-Fly Zone in Libya be modeled on his No-Decision Zone at White House
Nuke workers in Japan take advice from progressives, jam huge piece of regulation into reactor to cool it
Obama to Japanese people: 'Play golf and basketball; problems will go away'
Obama buys fiddle, heads to Rome
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Hawaii: Tsunami washes away Obama's birth certficate, forcing Gov. Abercrombie to give up on investigation
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Libya became the first country to formally recognize rebels' SSauthority in the state of Wisconsin
Meanwhile, Libyan rebels are fleeing after sustained attacks by government employees loyal to Colonel Gaddafi
Rumors of 'rape for food' treatment spread in UN refugee camps for Democrat senators fleeing Wisconsin
Mainstream media to keep up current protest coverage policy in Wisconsin: "See no Union, hear no Union"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Obama prayer breakfast features environmentally conscious and progressive god, as opposed to evil oppressor god of Bush years
Joe Biden: Egypt protests just a big pyramid scheme
Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches; Reagan: Tear down this wall; Obama: Follow me on twitter
Facebook sponsorship of Arab revolutions questioned by some
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Communist leader and Hu Jintau give joint White House press conference
Abortion horror in Philly: pro-choice activists need to tone down rhetoric
NARAL releases photo of Palin graphic with cross hairs over fetus
China's president calls international currency 'product of the past', wishes to use shiny clam shells
Detroit public schools focus on Green education as students harvest materials from abandoned school buildings to finance Teachers Union benefits
Obama eases Cuba travel: 30 refugees per raft instead of previous 20
Al Sharpton voices concern in the aftermath of New York City blizzard: disproportionate amount of city snowmen are white
New federal entitlement unveiled: all memorials to have Yaqui pray reader
New Democrat plan to enhance civility requires all GOP members to attend professionally managed Republicans Anonymous sessions
MSNBC: Congresswoman being shot in right side of head a proof that violence comes from the right
DHS 'see something, say something' program scrapped due to overload of whistle-blowing tips about DHS and the Obama administration
"No Labels" movement hits supermarkets with disastrous results
Comet and Blitzen refuse to serve with openly gay Dasher and Prancer
ACLU: Christmas tree lighting ceremonies create more terrorists
Obama leaving press conference marks beginning of gradual withdrawal from White House by 2012
Al Qaeda establishes 'Off with their heads' scholarship fund for British students
Jeremiah Wright goes to Stockholm with a sermon 'Sweden's chickens are coming home to roost'
Obama warns Sweden not to jump to conclusions: 'not all suicide bombers are terrorists'
Muslim woman guilty of drunk driving won't remove scarf for jail photo
New York Times sues Wikileaks for unauthorized release of its business model: "We're the ones stealing military secrets!"
Democrat voters frustrated over Wikileaks failure to implicate Bush in stealing Iraqi oil
White House considers launching a Wikidiaper website
Gibbs: basketball game in which Obama split his lip was started by Bush
Obama names his 12 lip stitches "Mark, Luke, John, Matthew, Paul, Peter..."
Newest TSA slogan "Smell my finger" turns out to be an inside joke
North Korea attacks; American peace groups quickly react by not organizing antiwar marches, not burning DPRK flags, not painting Hitler mustache on effigies of Kim Jung Il, and not chanting "peace now"
Hollywood refuses to brand Kim Jung Il war monger and lying liar, sends Oliver Stone on fact-finding mission
Study: a Google search for body count website listing civilian deaths in Korea brought no results
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Irish economy in a shambles but who cares; St Patrick�s day is only 4 months away
Obama to cut Medicare as soon as debt panel finds a way to blame it on Republicans
Aging Democratic Party Politburo refuses to give way to younger apparatchiks
Soros escape pod seen over Los Angeles; clueless Pentagon denies 'action by U.S. adversary,' searches ocean bed for hatches and trap doors
Just in: fall of USSR result of not speaking to people effectively, teleprompters not having been invented yet
Obama to America: "Mumbai is awesome! Wish you were here. Wire money"
Obama's final appeal to voters: Have the courage and integrity to rubber stamp my rubber stamps!
Obama distances from himself in Charlottesville to woo Virginia voters
Juan Williams hired by Fox News to represent liberals; show titled You've seen Juan, you've seen 'em all
Google expands maps and street views to include Google Colonoscopy: zero in on target and get detailed view with few clicks of mouse. New program supported by several gov't agencies, most notably IRS
New polling indicates American voters no longer want change, they just want their money back
Democrats launch "Take Our Jobs" campaign as only seven Americans agreed to vote for them
Obama ends war, blames Iraq car explosions on faulty non-union manufactured spare parts
Democrats pull troops out of Iraq to fight the 'real war' on Christine O' Donnell
In effort to appeal to NOW feminists, Christine O'Donnell changes name to Rosie, gains 400lbs
Obama goes to church, worships self
Study: Obama's threat to butn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
GOP: a Rove by any other name still smells the same
Imam Rauf finds a peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
New Yorkers to Rauf: 'move mosque to Mecca; Ground Zero at location can be arranged'
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
General Petraeus: non-halal meals, uncovered female Americans endanger U.S. troops
U.S. forces in Afghanistan brace for backlash after President's message on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur
Cardboard cutouts used to fill empty seats for Obama's appearance as Obama takes credit for creating jobs in cardboard-cutout sector
Taliban commanders warn that a plan to build Ground Zero mosque could provoke violence against their troops and operatives overseas
MSNBC suggests Florida church burn Bible instead of Koran; fewer pages mean smaller carbon footprint
New York Neighbors for American Values offer to voluntarily behead themselves to prove tolerance to Muslims; rabbi Arthur Waskow offers to self-incinerate in oven instead
The U.N. posthumously awards all French military personal that served during May of 1940 a medal for Courageous Restraint
White House revises policy to announce when President is at work instead of announcing when he is going on vacation
Seattle: sonic booms of fighter jets shatter glass, stimulate economy
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
White House: Spanish vacation saved or created 3,427 jobs
Pelosi issues recall of House, citing electoral safety concerns
Obama's lack of cojones a bold-face lie: proof
Elton John Working On Anti-Obama Musical
Congress ceases Pentagon spending, outsources armed forces to China
Shirley Sherrod accepts apology, gets new gov't job in End of Life Counseling
On first visit as Britain's PM, David Cameron chooses a communist state, seeks détente
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
GOP challengers promise post-racial presidency after 2012
Doctors: Glenn Beck's worsening eyesight and inability to focus give hope he may yet join other media and follow Obama
Parachuting donkey lands into Vice President's desk, continues business as usual
Obama calls on radical groups to comply with rules for radicals
NAACP condemns racism within al Qaeda: 'We don't have a problem with radicals, we have an issue with their acceptance of white Arab supremacists into their organizations'
Obama denies al-Qaeda stimulus money, redirects funds to 'less racist' man-made disaster management organizations
In view of lasting heat wave, all weather forecasts are temporarily replaced with 'An Inconvenient Truth' infomercials
NAACP strongly denounces The New Black Panthers
Caught in another hateful rant, Mel Gibson apologizes to representatives of hurt communities: Russian mail-order bride community, silicone breast-implant community, slutty clothes designer community, Vegas whore community, rapist community, and personally to Al Sharpton
Europe: Oracle Octopus predicts World Cup winner;
USA: Oracle Dodo predicts economic growth
Today's box office: LeBron knixes New York in a suspense thriller The Field of Nightmares (Tax Them and They Won't Come)
In a last-ditch effort to get popular with Americans, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan reveals she's a Russian spy, photoshops her face on Anna Chapman's nude photos, wins by a landslide
Portland Tribune to receive Pulitzer Prize for best investigative non-reporting of Al Gore's sexual public service blooper
War on Arizona turns to quagmire; Obama sets timetable on American withdrawal by 2011
MSNBC: Obama's firing McChrystal a positive move to bring long-awaited improvement in oil-spill-affected news coverage
Harry Reid changes name to John F Kennedy in last ditch effort to win re-election
White House spokesman Gibbs clarifies why President's answers to nation's problems seem surreal, bizarre and inappropriate, by comparing reporter's question to a purple polka-dotted people-eater riding a tricycle
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
President taps Pay Czar for BP payouts to victims: Unions order freighter of champagne
EPA: New climate bill will cost less than a postage stamp a day to those still able to afford a postage stamp
Helen Thomas Gets "Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer Award"
Puzzled media: Apparently, Al Gore is pro-drill
Gay Pride parade in Gaza cancels inclusion of Israeli group
Obama blames Bush for screwing up his 'Don't Make Excuses' grad speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Helen Thomas to leave US for ancestral Lebanon to no longer be occupier of La Raza's Land
Following phrase scheduled to appear on every Sunday morning news show: 'What Helen actually ment to say was...'
Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History
Obama's Deficit Reduction Commission operating in the red
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Democrats introduce bill regulating who can be a politician
BP hires Gaza flotilla peace activists to beat oil back into hole
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