Kelli
When I was in sixth grade, I was at a friend’s slumber party. There was another little girl there whose father was in the Air Force like mine. I didn’t really know her very well, and in fact to this day I couldn’t tell you what her name was, but I can tell you she was the catalyst for one of my SEE moments in life. SEE means Significant Emotional Experience. It’s often an experience that has some sort of life changing impact on the way we view our selves, the world, or a situation.
My sixth grade SEE
We were sitting around talking as tween girls do, and the subject of where we were all from came up. I was a military brat and my family had moved around quite a bit up to this point in my life, but I had always considered myself from TEXAS (dear editor, please leave TEXAS capitalized…it’s state law), and we were now living back in that great state.
My mother’s family was from there, my family history intertwined with TEXAS history, and no matter where we went, “home” was my grandparent’s house, giving me roots. This cheeky little girl looked at me after I said I was from TEXAS and says, “No you’re not. You’re not really from anywhere.” I remember being stunned but also embarrassed. Her reasoning seemed sound on the surface. She went on, “Your family is military, you don’t stay in one place, and you are not from anywhere. I’m not either; my dad is military too.” I know I argued with her, but for some reason I couldn’t make her understand why she was wrong. I don’t think I understood why she was wrong way back then and she really, really upset me.
The much older Kelli also feels something else for that cheeky and lost little girl: sadness. I am pretty sure this experience is one of several reasons why my children have not only been taught where they are from and who they are but to embrace and honor that heritage. And by the way, it’s not all about where you were born or how long you lived somewhere.
I had a wonderful chance to reinforce this with my seventh grader. He had an art project about his family. We printed off the following: maps of Ireland, Alabama, New York, California, and TEXAS. We drew a family pedigree chart taking him back seven generations. We added a picture of two men who he draws his identity from the strongest: his dad and his granddad. We also added the Eagle, Globe and Anchor, USMC, and USAF.
The Air Force was the family I grew up in. The Marine Corps became my new family. The two men in my life, through their service in these military forces, have had a major impact on who I am today and who my children are becoming.
Isn’t that what we do? We take those things that are good about where we are from and we internalize them and make them a part of who we are. I wish I could know the adult version of the cheeky girl. I would tell her today, YOU ARE TOO FROM SOMEWHERE and its AWESOME!
You are from somewhere wonderful, and glorious, and meaningful. Military brats have a unique heritage, and that is a legitimate part of their personal history. They own it, regardless of how long their parent served, and it is woven into who they become.
So I wonder: Did I succeed? Did I teach my children well enough that this sort of conversation would not rock them the way it did me? I talked with my oldest, now a young mother and living outside the military for the first time in her life. I asked her simply, “If someone asks you where you are from what do you say?”
Here is what she said. Now this is profound: “uh… you?”
Okay so I messed up on the first one. It is like the first pancake. I have five kids and five more chances to get it right. There’s time, there’s time. Actually our conversation continued once I explained what I wanted to know. So I will paraphrase:
“I usually tell them the last duty station we lived at, or the longest. So right now, I’m from North Carolina, but my family is from TEXAS. I always say that my dad is a United States Marine. So I’m from everywhere; I’m a product of the Marine Corps. I am “from” the memories and connections our family has made having lived different places. I carry pieces of them with me forever. The Marine Corps is a way of life, and the Marine Corps is home. No matter where we went there was one constant: the Marine Corps. It didn’t matter what school, city, or home we lived in. One thing never changed. My dad was a United Sates Marine, ‘nuff said.”
The really cool thing about hearing this from my daughter was that it mirrored the way I felt about my dad and my family growing up. The “pieces of me” are gathered from all over and I am honored to have been a military brat. I am not without identity and I am not from “nowhere.”
So go ahead, ask me where I’m from. I’m from German, Irish, and English immigrants. There is Choctaw and Cherokee mixed in, I am a Texan forever, but I was raised in the” wild blue yonder” and I gave my heart to a Marine, so I also gave my heart to the Corps.
Military BRATS unite. We are from the best place ever! I need to go make sure the other five pancakes know this too!
well I didn’t grow up military but I married military. I remember the first time I got to attend an air show. You would think that growing up in San Antonio, my experience with those would have been many. You would think being friends with your family, my experiences would have been some! but I was probably 18or 19 and was so excited because Steve was taking me to one! and Kerri said ‘really? you’re excited? those are boring!’ or something along those lines. hahahaha. They never did get boring to me. My kids loved them also. I’ve also taught my children that they are FROM TEXAS, no matter where they were born or where they lived! And knowing you, Kelli, I know you’ve taught your children well! That first child is always the guinea pig for all of our parenting trials and errors. 😉
Thank you sister! 🙂 I loved your article! -Danielle, USAF bred born and raised and then married into…FOREVER!!!!
Great article. From an active duty Marine Corps family, if you ask my children where they are from, all three will quickly reply Texas….even though they have probably only spent a total of 3 months there out of their entire lives. They view it as home. We actually got certificates from the govenors office that says that they are “honorary Texans” LOL
well kelli, as usual, you hid a good one out of the park. one thing I will say, is that us brats have tended to grow up a little more mature (due to our having to make decisions in our world earlier than out rooted counterparts), more understanding (because we know that friends are brief and family is more those around you rather than those in the immediate DNA range) and more well rounded (due to our ability to “see the world” and become familiar with other cultures). Brats are a class of people that can truely work their way through most situations without a huff. Brats rule.
by the way, have you read “Brats, inside the fortress”? the author wrote the book after becoming inspired by the movie “the great santini”. and how do I know that we turn out ok? well, look at you, and me and my kids (3 Master’s degrees, 3 bachellors(ok, I cant spell), a microsoft degree, and 12 wonderful, fantastic grandkids)
al
Shoot. I was the sad little girl with no roots. We were mostly in CA, but it sure wasn’t “home”. It bothered me a little as a kid, to not be from anywhere, but now, it doesn’t really matter. I know where my family (that’s my roots, I guess) is and for me, Home has always been where the Marine Corps sends us. Or, as Dan likes to tease, “Wherever we are, it will be Zion to me!”
Beautiful post! I too am an Air Force Brat. Now I am an Army National Guard spouse which is a whole new ball of wax. I’ve lived in the same suburban town for 10 years. 10 YEARS! Holy cow. That is still like a lifetime to me. Yet, I still can’t say I’m from *Avon, Ohio*. It just doesn’t come out. As an adult now I am asked “Where are you from?” and out comes the usual monologue about being a brat. But instead of glazed over looks, I get questions, intrigue, dialogue. Talk about a wonderful ice-breaker. If having roots in one particular place is the norm then I’m glad to be different. I am one proud Air Force Brat and I too have grown into that pride.
Navy Brat here raising 5 Army Brats, well 4 now, 1 is grown and flown the nest. My sister and I consider Virginia Beach, VA home as that is where our parents still are and where we graduated high school at. I am a native of Texas and my sister Virginia, my are native Texans and just like you, Kelli, my family history is a big part of Texas history. I married an Army man when I was 20 and divorced 6 years and 1 child later and married another Army man and have 4 children with him and 16 years later we are now retired from the Army. My kids all say that they are from where they were born, so 1 child is from Hawaii, 1 from Georgia, 1 from Texas and 2 are from Germany. The 2 from Germany are the ones that get the most interesting responses, they love pulling out their German birth certificates to prove it. We now live in El Paso, Texas and the kids are finally putting down roots as they’ve never lived anywhere for more than 4 years, although we have only been here 4 years.