Dear Amy:  My youngest sister is a junior in college and is pregnant. Although she is on friendly terms with the baby's father, she is not in a relationship with him nor

does she wish to have one in the future.

My sister and the baby's father decided to give their child up for adoption and quickly found a couple who were interested.

I am having trouble accepting my sister's decision. I understand that being 21 and finding yourself pregnant is probably not ideal, but our parents are well-off. None of us has the burden of student loans, and in a year my sister will graduate from college.

I explained to her that, as a mother myself, I did not understand how she could give her child away.

My kids are all in school now and I would be more than happy to watch her baby while she is taking college courses. I know our parents would help with the finances.

I simply cannot understand why she is choosing adoption when she has support, both financial and otherwise, in our family.

I think she is being a bit entitled. After all, she got herself into this mess. It doesn't seem fair that she just gets to put the child up for adoption and resume her life.

How can I impress to her that she can — and should — take more responsibility for her actions? - Upset Sister

Dear Sister: As an experienced parent, you may not understand or agree with your sister's choice,

but you should respect her right to make it.

You have already conveyed to her that you think she is being a spoiled brat. You have already told her that she is giving her child away.

Your sister's feelings about this decision will likely cycle through many stages.

When someone is unsure, the best way to persuade is not to pressure her, but to ask open-ended questions, listen to the answers and do your best to help her to consider the short- and long-term consequences.

I assume you have already considered adopting the child yourself. This might be a positive solution.

Dear Amy: Our son is getting married. We love him and his fiancà e. They have asked us to help with the wedding, and we are happy to do that.

After we agreed to help, they sent us their invitation list, and it includes family members who lied about my husband and me, and who have been, for want of better words, vile and horrible to us.

We do not want these people to attend, and if they attend, we may stay home.

I think that would give those horrible people power they should not have, but they will also see the invitation as vindication of them and a slam against us, a son believing them over his own parents.

What would you do? -- Upset Parents

Dear Upset: Your son has invited these people for a reason. Perhaps he is hoping that your family will reconcile — or at least learn to be cordial.

Talk to the young couple. Share the fact that this presents an extreme challenge for you. If you are helping to finance this wedding, you should have some say over the guest list.

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