Driven to a life of crime after suffering the hardships of fortune and success,
Lindsay Lohan stole a bracelet that Elizabeth Taylor gave to a nurse that cared for her for many years, and who then made the mistake of showing it to Lindsay while on the set of ‘Liz and Dick’.
Obviously, there’s no need to preface anything here with “allegedly” or “reportedly”, because Lindsay is 100 percent guilty and she absolutely robbed the old lady. She probably pushed her down the stairs and yelled “suck my dick” too.
“Elizabeth (Taylor) had given the nurse an expensive bracelet that was very meaningful to her and the nurse absolutely cherished it. Lindsay immediately fell in love with the bracelet the minute she saw it and was very vocal about how much she admired it. A short time later, the bracelet disappeared from the nurse’s house … on the very same day Lindsay had been to visit.
“The nurse initially gave Lindsay the benefit of the doubt, thinking that she had just accidentally forgotten to take the bracelet off after trying it on. However, that theory was soon shot down after she called Lindsay and she swore she did not take the bracelet and categorically denied having it in her possession. The nurse knew that was a blatant lie as the bracelet disappeared after Lindsay was at the house and she knew that it had to have been Lindsay who took it. In the end, it took over a week to get the bracelet back from Lindsay and it was only returned after the nurse threatened to call the cops.”
Ahh, a classic Lindsay caper. Meaning she was the only suspect and it was immediately solved. Someone should tell Danny Ocean here that she might not wanna loudly fawn over the object she plans to steal minutes later. It’s kind of a giveaway. If Lindsay tried to poison you, your drink would be green with fog coming off the top and she’d hand it to you with fireplace tongs.
Katrina Bowden of ’30 Rock’ is the cover girl for the January issue of Maxim, though that’s hard to tell here because I went through and removed almost all of their tags and stamps and text because fuck them. She’s really really pretty which was smart on her part because if you don’t have big tits you better be super hot. In fact they should probably write that on the state flag so girls thinking about Hollywood will know the deal.
Anne Hathaway was one of the many big stars in New York last night for the 2013 National Board of Review Awards, and after that she went over to the organic coffee house to read some of her goth poetry.
(image source = getty, wenn, splash)
The BCS Championship game on Monday was the coming out party for Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron and his new girlfriend, Miss Alabama Katherine Webb, both in the sense that it was their first major public appearance together, and because she looks like a man. HOW BRAVE OF THEM! Because with her hard masculine features and bolted on B cups, Katherine isn’t fooling anyone except vision impaired ESPN announcer Brett Musburger, who carried on and on and on about her during the game.
And though ESPN has now issued an apology, Webb was on the Today show this morning to say it wasn’t necessary.
“I think the media has been really unfair to [Musburger]. I think if he had said something along the line if we were hot or sexy, I think that would be a little bit different,” Webb told Matt Lauer.
“The fact that he said we were beautiful and gorgeous, I don’t think any woman wouldn’t be flattered by that. I appreciate it, but at the same time I don’t think I needed an apology.”
Quite the little lady, she is. She even managed to go the whole 5 minutes without spitting, scratching her crotch, or saying “there sure are a lot of niggers in New York”, all of which are new records for a female Crimson Tide fan.
Mariah Carey looked about as good as she ever has when she took this pr photo yesterday on a beach in Australia. After that she held a black mass and killed a bunch of animals as an offering to the dark lord. Mariah Carey is controversial!
Wouldn’t it be great to buy the actual sports bra and yoga pants that Khloe Kardashian wore to the gym at some unspecified point in time? Of course not, it would be pointless and disgusting, but you can do it anyway on her ebay store. In fact you can buy a whole wardrobe, choosing from hundreds of items, from sunglasses to bags to heels with studs on them; everything a giantess or cross dresser might need.
While it’s true it would have been easier for her to donate these items to a charity, that would mean she’d miss out on the .99 cents she’d make on these jeans, or the $1.04 for these pants, and so fuck them.
My hope is that at least one of the items is bought by a chemist/murderer who will scrape the clothes for DNA and engineer some untraceable Kardashian poison.
Kate Upton and Mark Sanchez only dated for about 20 minutes, and that was almost a year ago, but that didn’t stop her from mocking him on twitter last night during the BCS Championship game because women are black hearted monsters.
Sanchez of course is the, um, “quarterback” (for lack of a better word) for the NY Jets, who went 6-10 this season, so as Alabama rolled Notre Dame 42-10, Upton posted the tweet above. Sanchez tried to reply several times, but sent the first few tweets to the wrong model and then dropped his phone.
(image source = january edition of german vogue)
It was very much out of character when Kim Kardashian reportedly turned down 3 million dollars for the first pictures of the baby she’s having with Kanye West, but very much in character now that it seems she did so because she’s holding out for more money.
…the longer they wait the better, because Kris Jenner has it all under control!
”Kris instructed Kim and Kanye to NOT sell photos of their baby for a mere $3 million! Kris thinks they could get double the amount.”
Yeah ok. Making every dime she can off what should be a private moment seems more like the Kardashians. Another good idea would be to televise her next gynecological exam on an episode of ‘Dirty Jobs’.
