The Rude Pundit

Guest Post: Health Care, Female Veterans, and the Rights of Us All:
Today, the Rude Pundit is giving over the joint to Navy veteran and health and disability activist Karen Vasquez, who also happens to be a longtime reader of this here blog. You can read her stuff all the time at The Mighty Turtle. Check this out. It's compelling, funny, and infuriating stuff:

Perspective is a funny thing. It’s shaped by our experience in the present, and those who came long before us in the past.

I have been in the veteran’s healthcare system for eighteen years. At age 23, after my Honorable Discharge from The Navy, I was diagnosed with scleroderma at the Veteran’s Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin. Later in 2007, I was finally diagnosed with Sarcoidosis in addition to scleroderma. Many of the symptoms are the same so it was tough to get that second diagnosis, but that’s a whole other post.

Little did I know that when my rheumatologists uttered the word "scleroderma," my odyssey began as "Mr. Vasquez."

During the early days of frequent visits to the Veteran’s Hospital, I shocked men the age of my father by admitting to them that, yes. I too am a veteran. I was a young, hot thing usually dressed in traditional college student attire. I didn’t look sick nor did I embody the textbook image of a veteran. In elevators, I was often asked if I was there to visit my grandpa. Then there was the problem with my name.

I suppose the name Karen and “female” in the gender part of a print out was not enough information to VA personnel reading said print out to understand that I was not a man. When being called in the waiting room, I would hear, “Mr. Vasquez?” The first time that happened, I looked around the waiting room to see not even a flinch from anyone else. Considering VA hospital staff almost exclusively saw men back in those days, it wasn’t all that shocking for me to be called "Mr. Vasquez." Eventually, I just got used to it. My name was butchered so much throughout my short military career, it was nothing out of the ordinary. ("Valasquez," "Vanquez," and "Sanchez," to name a few. Yes, Sanchez. I have no explanation.) Usually, it just boiled down to paying attention to see if someone was speaking to me.

Sure, it was the 1990’s and women’s equality was the norm...okay I can’t even type that sentence with a straight face. Women’s equality in the Veteran’s Administration was not the norm. Sure, women had served in some capacity since, oh, I don’t know, when we rebelled against England? But there were no programs in the very institution designed to take care of those who served to address specific needs of women. I did wonder if every now and then some radiologist was startled awake when one of my x-rays came across their light box in those dark rooms they hang out in and think, “Wow, that’s a really big prostate!” before taking a second look.

A woman not being considered a veteran in need of healthcare is in no way shocking, of course. Since the founding of this country, women have had trouble being considered anything other than property until recently. And more recent than you think. In the 1970’s, a woman could not purchase a car without showing she had permission from her husband. Pre-Roe v. Wade: A trip to the doctor for her lady parts required her to be accompanied by her mother or husband. Girls were told in one way or another that they were not in charge of their own bodies. If you find yourself thinking how this is relevant to veteran’s healthcare in the 1990’s, please slap yourself. Thank you.

I’m not going to bore you with my stories of public humiliation and degradation on active duty because I had a vagina. There are enough of those and many grislier than mine. I will dish a little: A certain Secretary of Defense who later went on to be Vice President once told me at a Submariner’s ball, “If they had girls like you in the Navy when I was your age, I would’ve joined.” Oh yeah, I’m sure all he needed was a pretty girl for him decline five deferments. Have another Coors light, Asshat.

The men I served with had their biases of women, not because they were hateful douchebags; it was because of how they were taught to think of women since birth. Many men I served with were good men. Hard workers whose team I wanted to be a part of, who taught me so much about body work and engine maintenance on boats, who encouraged my pride in a job well done. They just had a hard time wrapping their heads around serving with a female. Sure, they were responsible for their actions and words that degraded women, but their perspective was shaped by our fucked up culture of second-class citizenry being okay.

You would think that by the 1990s, the Veteran’s Administration would have read the memo that women had been “allowed” to serve and would be eligible for veteran’s healthcare. Nope. So, I learned to answer to "Mr. Vasquez" and to pick my battles and kick down some doors to get the care I needed.

Last month, while lunching at the VA Hospital’s cafeteria, CNN reported that the Air Force had ordered all material objectifying women be removed from work spaces. At first, I was furious that it was 2012 and that this even had to be ordered, but then I realized the timing was about right, when viewed in an evolutionary timeline. Those old timers who were offended that women be “allowed” to serve in “This Man’s Army” were dying off. The ones that were left were dragged with fingernails scraping the floor as they were being dragged into modern times.

I’m not delusional. These ignorant old timers are still around, some not so old and some just in different stages of evolution, like those assholes that accused Hillary Clinton of faking her serious injury and resulting blot clot.

These are the same types of assholes that called me a "sick bay commando" and other assorted colorful names. They think they are being cute and funny. But they are only exposing themselves for as the ignorant fucks they are. Now, I call them ignorant fucks and not products of their environment because there comes a time in everyone’s life when we get to choose how to travel down life’s path. We can choose to travel with an open mind to nurture a life of change and growth though new information, or we can choose to travel with our heads up our ass in fear. Sometimes, an enlightened path is chosen after people spend years inside their own anuses. Something happens, they emerge, and they choose to be decent human beings. And some learn nothing from life experience and maintain an existence of ignorant fuckery that would insult a caveman.

After 18 years in the VA Healthcare system, things are significantly different since I first entered its doors in 1994. I have had the honor of meeting World War II veterans and having the greatest conversations with them in waiting rooms. At my local VA, I made some amazing friends who are Vietnam Veterans, Korean War Veterans and Veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan. The old timers I am friends with chose the path of enlightenment. I’m not an idiot, I know they have biases so old it’s a natural response at times, but they check themselves and they have shown me nothing but respect and make me feel as an equal. I am a better person for having them in my life. I am lucky to have met them; I would not trade their friendship for a million dollars. They teach me something every time we get together. I could’ve chosen the path of anger and resentment, but that is so much work, not in any way helpful, and I would have missed some enlightening experiences.

There is no way I can describe in one post my experience as a female veteran in the VA healthcare system these past 18 years, without first talking about my perspective. When His Rudeness told me he was interested in my perspective, I realized I have had a front row seat watching and participating in the evolution of the Veteran’s Administration from an organization that saw women as hysterical lunatics who needed to be appeased just enough to keep them quiet to a government organization that takes care of all of its vets. There is still plenty of work to do, but we have come a long way.

Yep, we have centuries of damage to undo. And it will take some time because the only way to change such biases so ingrained in the psyche of those who chose the ignorant path, is to wait for them to die out. As old administrators and patients die off, the door is open to change. It may sound a little harsh, but as someone who lives by the words "adapt or die," it’s just plain realistic.

I in no way wish the death of these people; it's just part of the circle of life. And though our civilization has surges of stupid, it has surges of intelligence and enlightenment. I am optimistic because I have seen it already. When my son was 5 years old, in 2009, he looked at a placemat of the US Presidents I had just bought him after President Obama’s inauguration. He kept turning it over, carefully examining each picture. I waited for the question about ethnicity and lack of diversity. He set down the placemat, looked me straight in the eye and said, “Mommy, where is the girl president?”

The short version: if we teach our sons and daughters we are all equal it will be so. Someday.

So I will continue to write about the Viagra I take four times a day, go for infusions to keep my scleroderma and Sarcoidosis, stabilized. I will continue to use my Medicare coverage to visit specialists outside the VA healthcare system to recommend treatment because my doctors, the best at what they do in their specialties, asked me to see specialists outside the VA to help them treat me. My team of doctors at the VA want to ensure I get the best care, as they do for all of their patients, of course, but in their infinite wisdom, unlike private practitioners I have seen, they had the courage to say, “I don’t know" and help me find someone to get answers. The VA covers my medications because I have a 100% service connected disability thanks to scleroderma and Sarcoidosis. How did I get that service connection decision? Again a whole other post. Which brings me to TheMightyTurtle.com.

I write a blog about my 18 years of advocating care for my rarely heard of but not so rare diseases. I call it The Mighty Turtle because turtles are excellent examples of a species that has learned to adapt and overcome- they outlived the dinosaurs for a reason. Mitch McConnell is the exception when it comes to turtles. Just as I have outlived the dinosaurs that quickly dismissed me by diagnosing me with Hysterical Female Syndrome when I began reporting my symptoms. Had I given up and not continued to keep reporting those symptoms while still in the military, it would have been an even harder fight to get the life saving care I needed. So they called me Sick Bay Commando, Whiner, Stupid Female- oh I could go on with the terms of affection, but my point is: As upsetting as it was to go to see a doctor while on active duty, those symptoms ended up in my medical records, which gave me grounds to pursue lifesaving veterans' benefits that covered treatment most patients with my condition are denied by insurance.

I am lucky to be alive. And I am still here because of the lifesaving care I had to fight for. I write about it because I hope to save time for other patients with my condition(s). Everyone deserves the type of healthcare I get from the VA. I had to fight for the medical treatment because of m gender as well as the usually hoops veterans seeking a disability rating have to jump through, back in the 1990’s and now. I continue to get care in the VA healthcare system. And I can save other patients some time by sharing my experience. I have also had my time with private insurance. I know how to get meds outside the formulary. It’s no picnic, but it can be done.

One thing that irritates me is the idea that because I am a veteran, I deserve better care than everyone else. To me, that’s bullshit. Leading a long healthy life and having medical treatment when needed is a part of the pursuit of happiness. Lifesaving healthcare is a human rights issue, not something people should be pissed off about because they are afraid they might have to shell out a little extra on their taxes. I am tired of people vilifying the sick and the poor. That has to change and I aim to be a part of making that change happen. I could go on and I do at my blog. Stop by my Facebook page and say, "Hi," leave a comment, and/or ask questions. No topic is off limits. Especially to patients, their family, friends and caregivers. If I don’t now an answer, I will direct people to places or people who can help them get the answers they need.

I had to turn off the comments section of my blog because I was getting spammed into the next decade because I write about my experience with Viagra. I take it four times a day. Do you want to know if it makes me horny? I get that question all the time. If you want to know, I have a post about it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post his Rudeness so graciously allowed me to post, and have a great day. If you feel like making a difference today: Visit The Mighty Turtle’s Facebook page, read about scleroderma and sarcoidosis, and just by sharing what you have read, you will change the world by raising awareness. It’s that easy.

Obama to the NRA: Suck on This Executive Power:
For those of us who think few things are more fun than watching conservatives lose their shit over something, yesterday was like Christmas, New Year's, and St. Blowjob's Day all rolled into one. For when President Barack Obama took to the podium and announced the truly reasonable, eminently sane, un-radical changes to our gun laws and gun culture that he was going to propose to Congress and take through executive action, the right wing lost enough shit to fertilize all the rice paddies in China.

Truly, it was a parade of madness and garment-rending so appalling that you pretty much saw who shouldn't be allowed to pass any kind of mental health background check. The Rude Pundit's favorites? The not-at-all gay Matt Drudge posting a photo of a rain-soaked window looking at the Washington Monument and wistfully tweeting, "Cold rain in DC, tears from Founders above. 'America' has run its course. Bill of Rights evolving and dissolving..." One could also look at that photo and say that Matt Drudge craves wet, erect cock, but that would be too obvious.

You had your weepy "But what about the aborted babeeeeeez" responses, like Laura Ingrahamaham. You had all the "But he used the children as props" bullshit, referring to the kids who wrote letters to Obama about gun violence who he had on stage with him. Michelle Malkin crapped out an entire "column" about it. Because conservatives would never do something like that.

But for a pure blast of hatred and evil, you had to go to the main man, the source of all things vile and Neanderthal. Here's Rush Limbaugh trying to use logic to defend that ludicrous NRA ad saying that the President's kids get armed guards, so why not your precious snowflake?: "So here we have this authoritarian president and his acolytes in the media who now want us to think that he is deserving of special treatment. His kids are more important than your kids are. And when you think that your kids should have the same kind of protection his do -- or at least the same type of armed protection -- you somehow are being unreasonable." Does it need to be said, truly, that having armed protection for Sasha and Malia is not saying they're more important than other children? That we provide the President's kids with Secret Service protection because those kids are under more threats than anyone else's? That most other kids don't have to worry about terrorists wanting to kidnap them? Or is that just too much of a fucking leap?

Seriously, sometimes the Rude Pundit wants to shove his dick so far down Rush Limbaugh's throat that he's ass fucking the fat bastard from the inside. Rhetorically, of course. Of course.

And what does Obama want? Well, he'd like Congress to pass an assault weapons and large magazine ban. He'd like to expand background checks to include the 40% or more of gun purchases that aren't subject to them. Oh, and expand mental health benefits, get rid of armor piercing bullets, and fund the legal system so it can do its job on gun crimes. That's up to the NRA-owned shits in both parties to pass, which means most of it probably won't, at least until 2015.

As for the 23 executive actions, they can pretty much be summed up as some stuff about mental health, some stuff about law enforcement, some stuff about schools, and a couple of things that say to the NRA, "I'm not afraid of you anymore," including directing the CDC to study gun violence and saying that doctors can ask about guns in the home. That last one also has caused fits of shit on the right. Your doctor can ask you if you smoke or drink, both legal activities, but they think guns should be off the table, commie.

The great thing about Obama's announcement yesterday was that he pretty much called the opposition a bunch of craven assholes and cowards: "There will be pundits and politicians and special interest lobbyists publicly warning of a tyrannical, all-out assault on liberty -- not because that’s true, but because they want to gin up fear or higher ratings or revenue for themselves. And behind the scenes, they’ll do everything they can to block any common-sense reform and make sure nothing changes whatsoever." Generally, the word "motherfuckers" is more concise, but not as descriptive. Then he went right for the NRA's pocketbook: "The only way we will be able to change is if their audience, their constituents, their membership says this time must be different -- that this time, we must do something to protect our communities and our kids." Do you have a conscience, he asked, or are you owned by the NRA as much as the lowest worm politician?

Like Rep. Tim Huelskamp of Kansas, who responded in the most dickish way possible, "The Second Amendment is non-negotiable. The right to bear arms is a right, despite President Obama’s disdain for the Second Amendment and the Constitution’s limits on his power. Congress must stand firm for the entirety of the Constitution – even if, but particularly so, when President Obama seeks to ignore his obligation to ‘preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.’ Taking away the rights and abilities of law-abiding citizens to defend themselves is yet another display of the Obama Administration’s consolidation of power."

That any of what Obama proposed would be considered controversial bespeaks an American savagery that this country seems all too ready to accept. He didn't call for gun registration. He didn't call for banning any handguns. He didn't call for licensing rules. None of that. If he "went big," as some in the media said, it was only because there was nothing bigger to compare it to.

There's one other thing Obama did yesterday that is encouraging. He didn't take the attitude of "I got this." He called on the nation that reelected him to stand with him and to get active. If we do, if we do get behind him and get even these minimal new laws passed, it bodes well for the rest of his term, for Obama, for us. Let's hope this moment doesn't get by us without us being part of it.

Republican Representatives: "Relief for Me, Not for You":
A little recent history lesson: Back in October 2004, the House of Representatives passed the Military Construction Appropriations and Emergency Hurricane Supplemental Appropriations Act of 2005. Originally, it was just a military construction bill, but when Florida got its orange ass kicked by four hurricanes in a few months, Congress added roughly $13.6 billion in disaster relief. The vote on the final bill in the House was 374 to 0.

Being a "Military Construction" bill, it was filled with pork, great, huge helpings of piggy meat that, pre-hurricane, the House had agreed to 420-1. Why? Because, as cannot be said enough, one representative's pork is another representative's vital project for the home district. And this one had "military" in its name and it was 2004 and Bush was president and you were a fucking traitor if you said one goddamn word about military spending. So barely a peep. In the entire Congress, only David Obey voted "no."

You know what didn't get any discussion in the hurricane part of the bill? Offsetting the cost by cutting elsewhere. Funny how that works. Not a single symbolic vote against the money spent on disaster assistance and reconstruction. Why? Because that's what the fuck you do when you're in Congress and someone else's district gets face fucked by Mother Nature with a tornado strap-on or earthquake or hurricane or blizzard. Because next time it could be your district's face getting fucked and you want others to want to get your constituents help.

Now, we could have a big bunch of fun listing all the Republicans who voted for a pork-laden hurricane supplemental back in 2004 who just yesterday decided to vote against relief for Superstorm/Hurricane Sandy victims, which, by the way, will also end up attached to a Senate bill funding military and VA projects. But let's focus in on just one GOP bag of douche.

Rep. Jeff Miller's district in the Florida Panhandle has some of the most beautiful beaches in the nation. Of course, when Hurricane Ivan hit his district hard, he was ready to offer assistance and to seek help from the federal government. Indeed, at a campaign rally for his reelection in Pensacola with Miller at his side in 2004, Dick Cheney assured Miller's constituents, "We want you to know the federal government is doing everything possible to help. The President has approved $13.6 billion for the people of Florida and other states hit by the hurricanes."

So you'd think it would be a no-brainer for someone from an area that gets bitch-slapped by hurricanes and tropical storms all the time to support relief funds for Sandy-hit areas, especially if you've asked for and supported those funds for your own people before. Not if you're Jeff Miller. The ass-lick who took over Joe Scarborough's seat voted against the Sandy bill. And that's pretty much the definition of "fuckery."

Another way to go with this is to look at places that have been hit by natural disasters that received federal relief funds and see how their representatives voted. Like Billy Long of Missouri's 7th District, where twister-fucked Joplin, Missouri sits. Or any of the other Florida reps who did the same. Fuck, even a couple of Republicans from Katrina-damaged districts in Louisiana voted against the bill, like Steve Scalise because, oh, dear, a bit of what he thinks is pork was in there.

As New Jersey Republican Representative Frank LoBiondo said to his colleagues and his own pathetic caucus yesterday, "[Y]es I'm angry, you're changing the rules for hundreds of thousands of people in the middle of the game. Florida, good luck with no more hurricanes, California, congratulations, did you get rid of the Andreas fault? The Mississippi is in a drought, you think you're not going to flood again? Who are you going to come to when you have these things? We need this, we need this now. Do the right thing as we have always done for you."

Let's go a little more Jersey here. What LoBiondo was saying was, "You want to fuck us? We'll fuck you right back." Things are gonna be fun at the next caucus meeting.

Asking Republicans to Act Responsibly Is Like Asking a Cat to Stop Licking Itself:
You know how it goes. You're at some dinner party with friends, and Shirley just had to bring her husband, Bobby, the Iraq War vet, who has compensated for his refusal to get help for his PTSD by becoming a completely bugfuck crazy Glenn Beck follower/teabagger/paranoid gun lover. Or, as he would put it, a real patriot. Sure, sure, most of the people at the dinner don't want to talk politics, but Bobby, man, he's all twitchy and shit, waiting for a chance to jump into a conversation with his dumbass beliefs. You can see it happen, when the woman you came with, call her, oh, hell, Jessiqua, starts to say that she didn't like the film Zero Dark Thirty and, boom, baby, Bobby is off, talking about how torture worked, how Obama wanted to stop the mission, rattling off conspiracy theories. Everyone else indulges Bobby for a few minutes because, you know, he's insane and probably jonesing to use a weapon on someone. Everyone else knows to let Bobby do his thing while you just wait to do yours when he gets to a stopping point or your drink is empty. Except for Jessi. See, she's got this thing where she believes that if she engages with Bobby, she might be able to reason with him. She may just be able to use facts and logic and that, perhaps, he would see the light. You can see her gearing up for it. You can see her getting ready for the fight. You wanna say, "Jessi, Jess, no, don't bother, back the fuck off, that way is only yelling and frustration," but she does it, time and again, playing right into Bobby's demented brain, thinking that this time, yes, this one time will be different than all the others.

At yesterday's utterly tepid news conference, it was sad to see how much President Obama seemed to believe that Republicans will eventually come around to the rational position of raising the goddamn debt ceiling without being dicks about it. Look at how much credit he gave them: "Republicans in Congress have two choices here: They can act responsibly, and pay America’s bills; or they can act irresponsibly, and put America through another economic crisis." If he doesn't realize that there's a big number of assholes in the GOP who believe the responsible thing is to fuck up the economy by not raising the debt ceiling unless they're allowed to fuck up the economy by getting massive spending cuts, then he hasn't been paying attention. King Asshole John Boehner pretty much said that yesterday after the press conference.

It was adorable, really, truly, to hear the President say that he thinks Republicans should pay attention to the 2012 election results: "The American people agreed with me that we should reduce our deficits in a balanced way that also takes into account the need for us to grow this economy and put people back to work. And despite that conversation and despite the election results, the position that's been taken on the part of some House Republicans is that no, we got to do it our way. And if we don't, we simply won't pay America's bills." Does Obama not remember who he's dealing with here? Hell, he even referenced the last time they didn't raise the debt ceiling. For some in the GOP, that was a grand and glorious victory.

This would all be fine if Obama had not taken off the table any executive action: "[T]here is no simpler solution, no ready, credible solution, other than Congress either give me the authority to raise the debt ceiling, or exercise the responsibility that they have kept for themselves and raise the debt ceiling." Look, the Rude Pundit believes in the separation of powers, he believes in the rules of government, he believes all that good shit. But if there are legal means, even if they have to be fought about in court, that Obama can assert, then he's obligated to do it rather than wait for the assorted geeks, pinheads, and missing links in the House of Representatives to act.

Bobby doesn't give a goddamn if he embarrasses himself. He doesn't actually have the capacity at this point to understand how idiotic he looks. Jessi's got to learn: walk away from the crazy man. She's not his therapist or even his friend. The crazy man is just a crazy man, and you're not gonna change him with your awesome powers of reason and hopes that the obvious will just seem obvious because, shit, he's crazy.

Live Whiskey-Blogging the President's News Conference:
It's always a pleasant surprise when a president schedules a morning news conference. That means it's time to add some whiskey to the cup of joe and have an Irish coffee start to the day. This new Keurig the Rude Pundit got for Christmas is awesome because it leaves plenty of room in the mug for some Knob Creek Small Batch, a whiskey that's usually too good to dilute, but, hey, Wolf Blitzer keeps staring at me with his dead eyes and telling me that President Obama is having the last presser of his first term, a fairly meaningless thing, but, well, shit, it's worthy enough of celebration. (All quotes guaranteed to be wrong in words, right in spirit.)

11:39: And we're off to the races. Obama says that we've got shit to do and we can do it if Republicans stop being such mind-boggling cocks about it.

11:40: He says, "I've got a plan. Remember the last year? The election? The thing people voted for me over the other guy by 5 million votes?"

11:41: Throws down the deficit reduction street cred. "Suck on my budget cuts."

11:42: Says we need to "spur more growth in the short term." Is unclear about whether that means infrastructure spending or what's also known as "pork" to idiots.

11:44: "The debt ceiling is not a question of authorizing more spending;" it's about paying bills already racked up, he explains. Right-wing bloggers immediately tweet that it's about authorizing more spending. Right-wing blog readers immediately believe the lie rather than the truth.

11:46: Says that Republicans in Congress have two choice: act responsibly or act irresponsibly. Does Obama remember the legion of dolts, crazies, and charlatans who make up the Republicans in Congress?

11:47: C'mon, take the trillion dollar coin out your pocket.

11:48: First question: Gun violence, Newtown, assault weapons ban, gonna do that?, gonna do other things?

11:50: Obama punts. Says there's shit he believes, but he doesn't think he'll get all of them, which means that an assault weapons ban is not gonna happen.

11:51: Chuckles the Todd asking about executive action on the debt ceiling.

11:52: Obama: "We are not a deadbeat nation." Ah, but we are a nation of deadbeats, are we not?

11:55: Does Obama understand that he needs to do something that's out there in order to catalyze a real debate on the debt ceiling? The right response on the debt ceiling is to say that the assholes in the GOP are hurting the country and he won't let that happen, so fuck them, let's go 14th Amendment or coin or something. Let 'em take him to court. Let 'em try to impeach. It's bullshit to say that it's up to Congress and believe that Republicans will do "the right thing" when they think the right thing is to fuck up the economy.

11:59: If Obama believes the debt ceiling debate is a hostage situation, then he needs to get on the phone to Boehner and say, "I have a particular set of skills..."

12:01: Obama kills the not-paying-the-check metaphor by taking it a scenario too far.

12:03: "The debt ceiling has never been used in this fashion," Obama says. "It's like Republicans figured out another hole to fuck and now are insisting on fucking that hole even if you tell 'em to stop."

12:04: Can someone tell Obama that if he says, "We're not gonna blow up the economy," but has no threat behind it, it's an empty assertion?

12:05: Irish coffee number two is even tastier than Irish coffee number one. The touch of Bailey's helps. Hello, afternoon.

12:07: Another gun question, this related to assholes buying more guns because they think Obama will send cut black men to take away the assholes' guns.

12:08: "What executive action can he take?" You know, for a dude who thinks he has the power to stone cold murder the fuck out of Americans overseas on his whim, Obama's unusually reticent to use executive power to accomplish domestic goals.

12:10: Is he starting to fall asleep talking about guns?

12:11: On gun sales, Obama says, more or less, "Assholes will be assholes."

12:12: Ooh, shee-it. Julianna Goldman from Bloomberg asks why we should believe Obama when he's caved so many other times.

12:15: Obama says he's sick of "negotiating through crisis" all the time. So is he ready to kick the asses of the "small group of Republicans" who keep forcing him to do that? Will he really not cave?

12:16: He is laying the debt ceiling crisis completely at the Republicans' feet. It'll be interesting to hear Boehner simper about not getting cooperation from the president.

12:19: Dear reporters, there are other things going on in the world other than guns and debt. Syria? Jobs? Hagel? Climate change? (No, that last one's a joke - nobody gives a shit about that.)

12:20: The interesting thing, though, is that the more he's pushed on the debt ceiling, the more he gets pissy about Republicans.

12:21: Obama says Republicans don't give a shit about starving kids or sick grannies. And the American people said they do by reelecting him.

12:23: If you want to lower the deficit and debt, the Congress "has a partner in me," says Obama, unconsciously agreeing to a same-sex marriage.

12:24: Question about Obama's insularity and diversity in his cabinet. Bizarrely, reporter says criticism is that he doesn't get out and "socialize." Bullshit question, will get a bullshit answer.

12:25: Obama says he has women friends (and lists all of the ways in which he has appointed women to various positions). It's more or less, "Shut the fuck up."

12:27: "I'm a pretty friendly guy...and I like a good party," says Obama. Oh, yeah, but nothing like William Howard Taft, who liked a good naked party.

12:28: "I like Speaker Boehner personally," Obama says, marking the first time anyone ever has said that.

12:30: This answer is getting sad as he talks about being "lonely in this big house" and inviting GOP House members over. Michelle gently cries behind the curtain.

12:32: Aaaand we're done. What did we learn? That Vice President Biden will make some recommendations on guns and that Obama won't negotiate on the debt ceiling.

In other words, that was more useless than this empty mug on the coffee table.

Ladies, GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey Is Concerned About Your Tense Vaginas:
You'll get whiplash when you read Republican Representative Phil Gingrey's remarks to the Smyrna, Georgia, Chamber of Commerce. Seriously, the pivot here from rational to bugnuts is so startling that people with severe bipolar disorders could take lessons.

Gingrey and his disturbing head of auburn hair have represented the 11th district since 2003, and he has been a reliable GOP motherfucker of the first order. So it's something of a surprise to read his take on the background check loophole at gun shows: "What it is basically, if you go to a gun show and there’s somebody out there in the parking lot, and they’re getting out of their car, and they’ve got an A-15 on their shoulder or …. John Q. Public wants to sell a handgun or whatever, then there’s no background check. You know, you’re buying a used weapon from somebody and then basically no background check." That's, like, sane and thoughtful.

Wait until the NRA gets him on the phone. You can bet he'll be backing off that position like an old whore realizing that she can no longer put her legs behind her head without snapping her hips. 'Cause, see, you might think, "Gingrey, Gingrey, that rings a bell." Yeah, the congressman once upon a time criticized Rush Limbaugh. Within 24 hours, he was on his knees with Limbaugh's stomach on his head while he gave a slobbity-bobbity of apology, a profile in cowardice.

Of course, it was moments later that Gingrey remembered that he's a motherfucker, and he proceeded to fuck a mother right there at the Smyrna Community Center. Because he decided to defend Todd "Ovaries of Justice" Akin. Yeah, let's just let Gingrey sit on his balls here:

"Part of the reason the Dems still control the Senate is because of comments made in Missouri by Todd Akin and Indiana by Mourdock were considered a little bit over the top. Mourdock basically said ‘Look, if there is conception in the aftermath of a rape, that’s still a child, and it’s a child of God, essentially.’ Now, in Indiana, that cost him the election.

“And in Missouri, Todd Akin … was asked by a local news source about rape and he said, ‘Look, in a legitimate rape situation’ — and what he meant by legitimate rape was just look, someone can say I was raped: a scared-to-death 15-year-old that becomes impregnated by her boyfriend and then has to tell her parents, that’s pretty tough and might on some occasion say, ‘Hey, I was raped.’ That’s what he meant when he said legitimate rape versus non-legitimate rape. I don’t find anything so horrible about that. But then he went on and said that in a situation of rape, of a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has a way of shutting down so the pregnancy would not occur. He’s partly right on that."

The article in the Marietta Daily Journal helpfully points out that Gingrey was a retired OB-GYN, having practiced for like 30 years.

Gingrey went on, no, really, explaining, "And I’ve delivered lots of babies, and I know about these things. It is true. We tell infertile couples all the time that are having trouble conceiving because of the woman not ovulating, ‘Just relax. Drink a glass of wine. And don’t be so tense and uptight because all that adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate.’ So he was partially right wasn’t he? But the fact that a woman may have already ovulated 12 hours before she is raped, you’re not going to prevent a pregnancy there by a woman’s body shutting anything down because the horse has already left the barn, so to speak."

You got that? Raped girls lie, juiced-up pussy juice can stop pregnancy, and women need some wine to loosen up. Gingrey's a great doctor, man. You can trust him. Hell, back in 2005, he was able to diagnose noted vegetable Terri Schiavo without even examining her, saying, "The tragedy of this situation is that with proper treatment, now denied, Terri's condition can improve." Then as now, he would have been right except for the fact that he was completely wrong.

There's gotta be more than a few women in Cobb Country today who feel just a little queasy about who they trusted to deliver their babies and take care of their oh-so confusing lady parts.

Sorry, Gun Nuts: Hitler Actually Relaxed Most Gun Laws:
Here's the deal, oh, sweet, stupid gun nuts: Have a history lesson. Gun control laws had nothing to do with the rise of the Nazis or the Holocaust. In fact, they were initially part of the Treaty of Versailles at the end of World War I, punishing Germany by eliminating private ownership of guns. In the Weimar Republic, new laws liberalized gun ownership, allowing hunting rifles and more. The other gun control laws in Germany post-WWI were specifically put in to prevent armed takeover of the government by groups like the Nazi Party, which did not, in fact, stage a coup, but used electoral power to solidify its hold on the government (along with the Gestapo and the repression of demonized Communist groups). In fact, Hitler and the Third Reich opened up gun ownership even more, even if they did ban all Jews from owning guns. Yeah, the 1938 law said "a hunting license entitles the holder to carry firearms and handguns." That was new. It also lowered the age of gun ownership from 20 to 18 and changed one-year permits to three-year. 

Oh, by the way, the law also took away any "stabbing weapons" from Jews. And if the Jews had been more strongly armed and attacked the government, all that would have happened is that even more people would have turned on them because the propaganda that said that evil Jews wanted to enslave the country would have appeared to be proven true. No, the Holocaust wouldn't have been worse. But it would still have happened. (This leaves out the enormous amount of armed Jewish resistance against the Nazis.)

The Rude Pundit understands that there's a lot of people out there who like to fellate their guns and call it love. He understands that there's so many who are jonesing for that first rampaging black man to come bursting in during a race riot so they can finally find out what really happens when Bushmaster fire hits human flesh. He understands that there's a whole lot of people invested in chasing the phantoms of resistance, as if they could actually survive if the government turns on us.

If you think you need to be armed with assault weapons because you might have to fight a government that wants to take your assault weapons away through laws passed by a legally-elected body, you are a traitor and kind of a dick. And if that's the best you've got for your argument on why you need to have military style weapons, then you, dear, dumb friend, are believing a whole heaping shovelful of lies.

Come, fantasize for a moment about something other than Jesus with a strap-on shaped like a Ruger reaming your asshole. Fantasize that many non-Jewish Germans opposed Hitler and wanted to rise up against him. You know what would have happened? The enormous Nazi army would have massacred them. The Third Reich existed because the German people wanted it to exist. Give it up.

Fantasize now that the American government wants you dead. Fantasize about the sound of that drone carrying missiles. It's a nearly silent whoosh. You hear it? You think your semi-automatic whatever could stop it? Now imagine being turned into blood vapor.

Really, though, it's never gonna happen. And neither is the race war. And chances are pretty damn good that you're never gonna get to point a gun at anyone other than a family member or yourself.

But, if nothing else, give up the Nazi analogy. Considering all the Nazi shit that shows up at gun shows in an approving way, you just look like hypocritical yahoos attempting to be smart, and that's just fuckin' pathetic.