On the second day of our epic challenge, I have little temptation to report, the snake remains uncharmed and my balls continue to gain weight. The only time of temptation was seeing the night-out attire of a very attractive female-friend last night, (she looked banging): however with the help and support of my fellow participants, my hands remained out of my trousers. The effects of Drycember have been noticeable, leaving my daily routine of masturbation has resulted in changes in my behaviour: I have become quite distant and have started seeing penis imagery everywhere I look.

Jones was offering praise to veteran tight end Jason Witten for saying the Cowboys cannot settle for “the same old story” again in 2012.