Although there’s still lingering debate, you know my one fashion rule: Lingerie is not clothing.
Which makes it hard to figure out what to wear to your military ball if you’ve wandered the aisles of the PX recently. Dresses that have more cut-outs than fabric, sparkle-encrusted busts, and hemlines that are dangerously short regardless of the occasion seem to be the mainstay of offerings. But you don’t believe the hype! You don’t have to settle! You CAN look gorgeous, glamorous, and appropriate… without breaking the bank.
A lot of people commented on our What Not to Wear (again, lingerie as clothing) that investing in one good dark-colored gown that you can wear every year is the most cost-effective way to go. So we’ve done the hard work for you and found 3 gowns for under $200 you could break out annually.
This darling Ralph Lauren number is $190 and very flirtatious. I love the body-skimming lines and the gorgeous cowl neck.
If you like statement beading, this one‘s for you.
Also $190, it’s a keeper. You could break this out again and again and it would always look fabulous.
But this next one is an absolute steal.
It’s on sale for fifty dollars, y’all!
If you’re worried about buying one dress and then looking the same in every picture every year, don’t worry! Hit up BaubleBar for some incredibly awesome and inexpensive accessories that will jazz up your style for a new look every time.
These pretty citrine tear drops are $26.
And this sparkly ice medley necklace would be such a fun touch:
I’m pretty sure that would look super fun with jeans and a t-shirt, too. So not only is it fun, it’s a completely logical investment if you’re in the business of talking yourself into things you don’t need, like I am. (It’s a problem. I know.)
But maybe you want to buy a dress, wear it this year, and then sell it next year second-hand. You want something fun and original! And under a hundred dollars! Hey, we’ve got you covered.
This one is super cute! Look, it’s patriotic in its coloring! It even has some sparkles on it! With a sweet sweetheart neckline and a price that comes in under those at the PX, this is a great option!
And more sparkles! And even a low-back! It’s just not dangerously see-my-thong low. And we appreciate that. Sincerely.
You could even find a classy gown like this one for under a hundred. They are out there!
And I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m a big fan of renting my gowns from Rent the Runway. Because we all know that honestly, we could spend that money elsewhere, and returning the dress the day after the ball and picking out a completely different one next year is a lot more fun than buying.
I’m in love with this one:
It’s Badgley Mischka and retails for $900. (Guhhh!) But you can rent it for $100. I’ll note, too, that I’ve only had great experiences with them. The dresses are in mint condition, and the customer service is beyond supportive. I once had to change the shipping address at the very last minute due to some serious travel snafus, and they got the dress out to me not only without any hoopla, they also sent us a nice note thanking my husband for his service. Hot and heartwarming.
So wives, girlfriends, meddling mamas, ball attendees: do not be disheartened! There are many glamorous, sexy (but not sex-worker sexy), fabulous, work-appropriate options out there! Because YES! This IS a work event! It really IS! Your husband is there in his uniform! His boss is there in his uniform!
And we’re there looking absolutely awesome, too.
About Raleigh Duttweiler
Comments
In my mind the debate was more focused on whether or not it is classy to be rude, judgmental and degrading toward other military spouses. I am deeply deeply concerned by the way military spouses talk to and about one another. I was looking forward to the ball, my first in over a decade of marriage because I thought it would be fun. But the commentors on your last post have left me debating each day whether it is worth a $50 ticket to watch women destroy each other in the name of being tasteful. They even ripped apart spouses who chose rather modest "ball gowns" because they are poofy. Well my dress would have fallen into that category. It's a full skirt, though I had removed the poofy underskirt from it. I am certain, based on these comments that spouses with nothing better to do than belittle each other would snicker at the dress my mother made me behind my back for this reason, even though it is the only dress I can afford. (And yes, my seamstress mother still sews well into her 60s).
I have tried and tried and tried to find a reason to participate in events with other military spouses, but inevitably I end up walking away disappointed and destroyed by the rudeness and cattiness and then when I am struggling and none of my civilian friends understand how to help, I don't feel safe or comfortable reaching out to the people who are supposed to be there to help because I know that all I will receive is hate and judgment for being weak enough to be vulnerable in their presence. I look at the military spouses, some of whom I have known, who have committed suicide and I see how they hid everything about their struggle from the community until it was too late. Several of my friends who committed suicide were very involved in milspouse functions and yet noone knew something was wrong. Were they hiding because they saw what I see? Mean spirited behavior justified as being "for their own good."
This is what drove the dissension in comments on your last post. Perhaps if you had stuck with positive guidelines instead of starting what looked to all the world like Cinderella's sisters tearing the gown off of Cinderella, the comments would have been far different.
And I know, the solution, according to your commentors is that if I don't like this mean girl behavior, "I should just click-away" and leave the community. Unfortunately, until my husband retires, I don't get to hang up my milspouse label. So even if I don't see these behaviors, behaviors civilians also comment on, behaviors that drive negative stereotypes about military spouses, they still affect me because I have to actively prove to people that I am not one of those adolescent mean girl spouses. It's exhausting. It's depressing. It's frustrating to continually combat being labeled because of others bad acts.
But never fear SpouseBuzz community, I will retreat into the nothingness and leave you to your devices so that no one challenges you about being judgemental and rude. Don't worry, there will be no follow up comments from me. I haven't quite decided whether to get a refund on my ball ticket. My mom will be crushed, but maybe that's better than walking out of another military function wishing to god my husband had chosen a career in which spouses of the employess did not consider it a sport to destroy their compatriots.
I know, many girls can be judgemental and I admit I too have looked at a girl at a military ball a time or two and thought “wow, I can’t believe your husband let you leave the house like that!”. Then I realized, not everyone has the same taste or money to buy a gown as classy as most girls. My first military ball I was pregnant and moody and wanted to do my own hair, it was a disaster. So I have to think about that humbling moment because even though I once had a closet full of fancy dresses growing up I too don’t k ow what to wear or how to do my hair from time to time. I wish we could get designers to share their designs at the P/X for an affordable rate. Maybe something can be done. Or a last years military ball gown sale a month before all the festivities.
.. I'm really not in the habit of replying to posts (mainly because of how quickly others cut down opinions), but your post really struck me as something that needed replying to.
I'm not even around other military families yet and I already see the cattiness in which you mentioned, and it really is a sad shame that people of all ages can't just simmer down with the drama and rude comments.
I say go to the ball and enjoy yourself! You are there to support your husband and support other military service members and to have fun in a gathering with others like you. There may be a lot of those people that haven't matured that will be there, but please do your best to hold your chin high and ignore them. If you love your dress then please wear it proudly in support of your loving mother that worked hard on it. If I were anywhere near you, I'd be more than happy to sport my own "poofy" dress and have a blast.
I will slightly agree and yet disagree with you on the "What not to wear" post. I think too often the women around my age get carried away with looking sexy based on the music video scene displayed on tv and at the club that they don't realize what is appropriate and what isn't. I appreciate those brave enough to point out the fact that it is completely unprofessional to wear in a work related function. I thought the post was just trying to really push and push the statement that wearing inappropriate attire is just that, inappropriate. I didn't take it offensively and I actually giggled about it whenever I thought about company parties I have been to at my own job where someone had their underwear showing or breasts nearly flashing everyone in the room.
So please don't cash in your ticket, go and have fun!! Dress up and dance and enjoy yourself!! Too often people let others get them down, I am that way too, but it's really worth it to do what you feel like doing and enjoy doing it. Life is too short!! :)
In my mind the debate was more focused on whether or not it is classy to be rude, judgmental and degrading toward other military spouses. I am deeply deeply concerned by the way military spouses talk to and about one another. I was looking forward to the ball, my first in over a decade of marriage because I thought it would be fun. But the commentors on your last post have left me debating each day whether it is worth a $50 ticket to watch women destroy each other in the name of being tasteful. They even ripped apart spouses who chose rather modest "ball gowns" because they are poofy. Well my dress would have fallen into that category. It's a full skirt, though I had removed the poofy underskirt from it. I am certain, based on these comments that spouses with nothing better to do than belittle each other would snicker at the dress my mother made me behind my back for this reason, even though it is the only dress I can afford. (And yes, my seamstress mother still sews well into her 60s).
:-) I think you SHOULD go and enjoy your date with your man, and forget about the others. If they don't like what you are wearing, so what. Unfortunately, there will always be backbiters and those who pick on others. In every arena. If you are dressed appropriately there is not cause for you to be concerned about , and some DO like poofy! I have been married to my sailor for almost 17 years and HE is the one I dress to impress, but I also dress to not offend his CO or anyone else he answers to. Although I am not IN the military, my actions do reflect on my husband and I would never want to be the cause of any bad joojoo at work. :-) Again, you should go! I am sure your dress is amazing, and I think it's wonderful that your mom made it! I wish I could sew. If I could, I would make my own also! :-)
Sorry, but I think you missed my point. I deal with enough depressing negativity that I really don't need to spend money to be around it. Even if I got a pass on my poofy dress from the mean girl spouses at the ball, watching them destroy other women would just depress me too.
You see I come from the philosophy and school that you can dress perfectly, but if you open your mouth and bad mouth other people, you're the one who looks cheap and classless. I was taught a lady is respectful to all people regardless of social standing or attire. I seriously wonder if some of these spouses aren't being done a great disservice by being told to focus on what they wear when the second they start acting like catty middle schoolers, it's all undone.
Last year a milspouse friend of mine attempted suicide. It was a pretty sobering wake up call to me that how we treat each other and whether we build each other up or tear each other down makes a difference, sometimes a life and death difference. And I just don't have the heart after that to deal with the abusive bullying behavior, even if I am lucky enough to not have it directed at me. And frankly I am to the point, after nearly a decade of watching military spouses destroy each other, as if there isn't enough things out there to destroy us, that I don't want that destructive negativity in my life. And you know the truth is that the comments on the last article were right, if I don't like being exposed to the destructive middle school negativity, I should just shut up and go away because the in crowd of middle schoolers don't have room for people like me who believe in treating others with dignity and respect. I need to stop beating my head against a wall and trying to change the system and accept that I am woefully alone in this matter and that there is no support for treating each other kindly. It's so much better and more fulfilling, apparently, to destroy each other for sport. Count me out. I am not willing to pay good money to watch people be made fun of, even if I get lucky enough to not be the woman on the chopping block.
And I suppose, since the internet is my last tie to the community, I need to wise up and cut that tie too and accept there is no place for women like me. And I am alone.
It isn't just people in the milspouse community that are judgemental. It is anyone in the community. Isn't "People" magazine the ones who publish the "worse dressed" and the "best dressed"? What about all the talk after an awards show about so and so's apparel. We can be judged at anytime, in any community. It's up to us to decide if we want to blow it off or let it prevent us from enjoying ourselves. If people you are around are being catty either walk away or speak up and tell them you don't think it's right. There are people out there who think like you do and why not surround yourself with those people and enjoy a fun night out. Don't judge the entire group based on the behavior of a few. The milspouse community is huge and the negativity you are seeing is coming from a small percentage of that community. To be honest I don't see much of that behavior in real life, but I see it more on the internet. I don't think a forum is an accurate representation of the entire community. I think people are braver on the internet and many wouldn't be so vocally judgemental in real life.
There are some people who go to the military ball, like me, to have a good time with their date. I don’t seek out the “mean girl spouses” and I have yet to encounter “destructive middle school negativity.” I go to spend time with my husband, meet all his friends from work (put names to faces), and meet their dates and try to make small talk. If I meet his higher-ups, I compliment how hard my husband works and tell funny stories of how I lost the buttons on his dress blues or how I don’t know how to turn back on the circuit breaker. I don’t ever recall bad mouthing anyone. Even when my husband missed a concrete step, dropping one of two shots in his hands, I laughed with everyone else and joked that he was making me look bad. (Of course, I then asked if he was okay and helped him up and cleaned up his mess. He was laughing too.) We went and still go to enjoy ourselves and nothing else.
You're not alone, I think. The middle-school crowd can be the loudest and pushiest, but it doesn't mean they're the only crowd out there.
And there's nothing wrong with skipping the whole ball rigamarole, if it doesn't appeal to you. If it would be more enjoyable to spend a quiet night at home, or an evening out on your own terms, then there's no reason to spend it at a ball.
Please do not generalize so much. Not all spouses are like what you describe. There are some nice ones who will stand up with you, be there for you, be a shoulder to cry on, and someone to vent to. Don't fit us all into the category because of a few bad people and an article. That is all I ask.
Um, isn't the article on what not to wear generalizing and the 300+ comments largely articulating a position that a woman who doesn't wear a boring black dress is a slut? Besides, this isn't my first rodeo as a milspouse and I have more than anecdotal evidence to back up the catty middle school backbiters reference.
Oddly enough, spouses also talk down and judge me. I guess they aren’t used to seeing a male military spouse who is also a combat veteran that had to medically retire because of war injuries. The truth is, women are catty. SO CATTY! So much that to men I say I am a spouse, and to women I say that I am a veteran, in hopes that they won’t be so judgmental of me being the dependant and my wife being the service member. Some spouses will judge and cut others down so as to raise their low self-esteem. It is best to try and ignore them. What I have recently found (from now being on this side of the deployment) is that catty women like that are the ones that will probably cheat and be miserable in their relationships. Awful people will always be awful and catty. There is no changing them. Just be happy with who you are and be happy that your spouse loves you no matter what others say.
My husband and I are in the same boat. I'm the service member, and he got out of the military because it just wasn't for him. Thankfully, I have never encountered people and their comments to even attempt to cut him down, but rather they treat him like a member of the pack. I have massive amounts of respect for you, having to deal with crazy female milspouses that have nothing better to do than gossip about you and cut you down, despite your honorable service and complete love and support of your bomb woman. Enjoy your life like you've been, "karma" has a way of taking care of the rest.
On that note to continue the original argument- I personally will be wearing my whites to the ball this year, and then changing into a dancing dress. Calf length and swishy! I don't get into the competition of who wears a better dress or shoes, I will not buy Jimmy Choos or a Valentino dress. My entire getup this year was $56 from Ross- dress, shoes, and new clutch. and come late evening, who will still be the one partying it up and not sitting on the sidelines kicking off those precious jimmy choos? ME! Go NAVY and Party Hardy!
First, thank you for your service. Secondly, I would be more than happy to hang out with you at any event. I hope some day to run into you in real life.
:) Again 'cause we covered the key item!
I just put in a rental order for Rent the Runway! I'm so excited to get that designer-gown look for a good price. A little nervous about sizing but I'm glad they send you a back-up size for free! Also this week, people who registered with RTR as new users got $25 off, just sayin! And I loved your examples of affordable, glamorous dresses – classy but not stuffy.
And for God's Sake cover up that Harley Tatoo on the back of your Shoulder…..If you ladies only knew how trashy you look and unbecoming a Military Spouse with that Cheap Azz Body work….
PHK — nice to see you migrated over here to comment. Used to seeing you on the Milcom pages :-)
Lovely dresses. I’m in the mood to dress up now.
I'd just like to give Rent the Runway a shout-out. Although their policy is to not issue refunds, only credits, due to extenuating circumstances surround my husband's deployment, they not only canceled my daughter's order with no questions asked, they also refunded her money at my request. THAT is what I call going above & beyond for your customers. They definitely will have my business in the future, and I tell everyone I talk to about them now.
Ladies, you are / will be looking elegant that you are, however the Fellas have escaped comment.
Gentlemen, follow your Mother's advice when you were young – Wear Clean Underwear; & do not scratch yourself in Public because no matter how good Your Lady looks – you will be noticed ! Other then that – Enjoy your Date!
Are those models NCO's of Officers or just models? I would return to the Army very quickly. I believe good taste is important, after all as a soldier you represent the U. S. A.
As a military spouse, I don’t think my wife would want me in any of these dresses. As a Marin Corps veteran, I lost my legs in Iraq and I don’t think I could fashionably pull off any of these dresses. Although I did enjoy reading this article, it is just another of many gender biased pieces. It’s ok though, my wife and I don’t go to too many of these balls because I personally hate the odd looks we get. Not because I lost my legs in the war, but because the title of military spouse is still strictly for women.
Well, may be the next piece on what to wear will be for all spouses.
Alice,
Wish I could invite you to our military ball. We could then be a full mil-woman man-spouse table :P
So to supplement the article above, I will leave you with this!
WHAT NOT/TO WEAR AT A MILITARY BALL: MAN-SPOUSE EDITION!
1.) Never wear a tie that clashes with the females dress. We want to look like a cohesive pair! After all this is a WORK EVENT! (SCANDALOUS!!!) While we're at it, pick out the knot you'd like ahead of time, and make sure you know how to tie it, or get help tying it with a tie-savvy person. Worst case scenario, there's videos online! Clip-ons will end your spouses career, don't even try it.
2.) If you plan on taking off your jacket to boogie down like its the 70's, get a nice solid patterned vest! I personally recommend Armani, because its always on sale at the Exchanges. ;)
3.) Jackets- make sure they fit well, otherwise have them altered for you. (Uniform stores usually have the best prices and good experience with these if you don't feel like shelling out for Men's Warehouse or something.)
4.) Good, comfy, shoes! You will do a good amount of standing and chatting, meeting and greeting! Get insoles if need be, and bonus points for getting height enhancing insoles (as long as slack's length will allow).
5.) Handkerchief- use this little puppy as your touch of personality! Get one that has a family meaning, or get a plain one and draw a meme on it or something and use it to frame a really good joke. People love jokes!
6.) The SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT RULE! Make sure that awesomely tailored jacket has an inner pocket for stashing your flask. You're lady will thank you when she sees the long line for the bar and insane prices, you knight in shining suits, you!
*Cleo spends her time serving the country, pointing lasers outside to laugh at the stray cats that chase it, and perusing military articles in her spare time. She is most noted for her clever use of sarcasm and McDecent advice. Cleo loves and appreciates the milspouses that haven't gone off the catty-crazy deep-end. Thank you!
Hopefully that brightened your mood? It certainly had me chuckling :P
~Cleo
OMG Cleo thank you so much! I have almost no fashion sense and this actually does make me feel better. I usually pick out my outfits from catalogs or what my gay friend suggests. Oddly enough, he is looking forward to going to a “ball” with his partner more than I look forward to seeing my wife in a beautiful dress.
But seeing as how I have no legs, I will skip your suggestions for “Good, comfy, shoes.” Although keeping in mind I lost my legs in Iraq, it kind of made reading your 4th suggestion kind of funny. But still this is all great advice. I know first hand it is hard keeping in mind the diversity of spouse’s gender, sexuality, and prior service if any. Thanks again.
Cleo,
Could you be more clueless. He LOST HIS LEGS?! Duh!!! Did you even read the post!!!!
So he doesn't need to worry about the the comfy shoes for standing and chatting paragraph and the vest for getting down on the dance floor. Were you insensitive on purpose or are you just a clueless moronic bore?
OMG?! Seriously!!!! I'm embarrassed by you and for you.
I read both articles " What NOT not wear" and "what DO wear" to the ball and I still don't have a solid opinion. In the last articles at least half of the dresses were tasteless and look cheap.
So I made my opinion : I'm going to wear whatever fits me best, and what my husband like on me. Somebody doesn't like my dress? They can have their opinion for themselves.
It was refreshing to see you posted an article on what to wear to a ball. However, there was still a little negativity and the use of the word "should" in the title could be misinterpreted as finger pointing. I still think this was a far more productive post. It gave people positive information and examples thus empowering them to make their own choice. Some folks will wear whatever they want regardless, but many are looking for information on what would be appropriate while being classy and sexy.
At least for me I always found women far more alluring when they hinted at what they had instead of putting it out there for the public to see. My wife loved attending balls during my military career. I felt like the lucky one with a beautiful princess and I was the frog. We chose not to participate in the "can you believe" conversations. Most people are really there having a "GREAT" time. There are people all over the world that are not happy unless they are making others miserable. Choosing to ignore them was how we handled them. Smother them with kindness. It will drive them crazy.
A little bit those men that are wondering what they could wear You can never go wrong with a Black or Dark Navy suit "either solid or pinstriped", a white long sleeved button up shirt and sox that blend well with your suit. Shoes are typically black and lace up. Ties should compliment your eye color and facial tones. Pocket squares are often optional but are kinda like the cherry on top. Try to match it with your tie for added effect. This is not all inclusive, just some basic ideas.
I don't understand why so much drama for a simple dress!!!
Love those dresses
I appreciate the intent of this post; however it appears that most of the choices would fit mainly one body type: tall, thin. An A-line floor length, strapless gown looks best on a tall, thin, size 6-8 (or smaller); not so great on a realistic size wife. What about options for them? Or options for gals that like traditional ball gowns with a puffy skirt (a fit and flare style, like the 1950's styles)? Especially for the younger gals, they can pull off some different styles. And strapless is NOT a great option for most ladies with much of a bust (too much ends up spilling out) and they end up fiddling with their dress all night. Again, just my opinion. I agree wholeheartedly with your recommendation about Rent the Runway. Also, consignment shops are a great place to find formals that barely worn (sometimes brand-new) for great prices. Oh and one last thought, please remember to invest in a decent fitting STRAPLESS BRA and some SPANX or appropriate undergarments. Sadly, I've seen gals wearing a gorgeous dress only to have the look brought down with bikini panties showing through the dress (yes, I'm serious) or a bra issue.
I cannot wait to go this year. I searched for months for the right dress and finally made my decision to order the one I knew I wanted months ago. http://Www.lightinthebox.com has a great selection and good prices for anyone who is still looking, or for years to come.
Love the posts, I think it should be common sense to dress your best I mean come on, I'm 22 and I know better. Hopefully woman can show some respect for themselves and their Marines and have some class and decency!
Good luck with the dress hinting, and remember no lingierie as clothing.