Say what? A conflicted Joint Chiefs DADT testimony
Published: December 4, 2010
ARLINGTON, Va. – Anyone who has followed the year’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” repeal coverage probably was not surprised by the service chief's conflicted testimony delivered in Friday’s much-anticipated Senate hearing.
If the law changes, they said, the armed forces will follow it and U.S. troops will behave with honor and respect toward each other. But gay troops coming out of their closets now, the Army, Marine and Air Force chiefs of staff asserted, would be risky, disruptive and unnecessary, especially during wartime, and especially for the “pretty macho” Marines.
Well, that inspired this "Old Jews Telling Jokes"-style e-mail by one Pentagon reporter who wishes to remain nameless:
Summary of Friday’s Senate Armed Services Committee hearing with the military service chiefs on ‘don't ask, don't tell,’ with apologies to Jackie Mason:
We want to do it, but not now.
Maybe later. I don’t know.
We’re ready. But not yet.
It’s the right thing to do. But not a good idea. And not now.
We need time. Don’t ask how much. We’re too busy.
Do it when we’re busy. We won’t notice.
But not too busy. We can’t handle it.
We can handle anything. But not now.
Do it in 2012. I don’t know why.
But not in 2011. We’re too busy.
We can do it slow. But not fast. But don’t make us do it slow.
We can do it here. But not there.
We could do it there. But not now. Maybe when we get back. Tuesdays are good.
Don’t put me in a foxhole with a gay guy. Unless I don’t know. Then it’s OK.
If I find out later, even better. Then we’re pals.
Be what you want. But don’t tell me.
Marines can do anything. Except deal with that.
Don’t make me sleep on the ground. I have a bad back. It’ll give me the grippe.
I can do it. But not now. Maybe later. Call me. We’ll talk.
