Background

When parents recognize their child is not going to have a typical course of development into adulthood, their lives are changed forever. At best, they experience a roller coaster of emotions including shock and sadness of learning their child has special needs, fear of the responsibility of caring for them, and anger and frustration as parents negotiate complex systems trying to get special needs met. At worst, parents allow themselves to be defined by their children’s circumstances and may suffer significant depression or intense anger at their child, spouse, or others in their environment. A parent on this emotional continuum is influenced by his or her personality style and coping skills, the family's strength and unity, and the support and encouragement available from others. Although most parents develop a sense of confidence, resiliency, and determination due to the demands of parenting a special needs child, nearly every one of them, at certain times, will need help in developing the necessary coping skills to manage the emotions that emerge. A few will need specific interventions to help them avoid the risk of abuse or neglect. The following options may be suggested to parents who are in need of support as well as services for those at risk.

Key Points

• Counseling – Counseling provides people who are facing situations or emotions that they feel they cannot handle or control with the means to find help from a trained professional. A counselor listens to the problem and asks probing questions to get at a deeper level of understanding and then either explores ways to change thinking about an issue or teaches skills that can be used to better manage feelings or situations. Parents of Exceptional Family Members (EFMs) should be referred for counseling if they seem to be having difficulty accepting the child and coping with his/her needs or if they are feeling overwhelming emotions.
  • Military OneSource – Military OneSource offers twelve free in-person counseling sessions per person, per issue. For those unable to attend face-to-face counseling, Military OneSource arranges telephone and online consultations. Military ID card holders can be referred to a counselor in their area who is part of Military OneSource’s extensive network of licensed and credentialed professionals.
  • Chaplains/Ministers – Many people are more comfortable seeking counseling that has a spiritual component. When parents of EFMs seem to be having difficulty coping, service providers can ask them about their religious ties before making a referral for counseling. Military chaplains and civilian ministers often have professional counseling expertise over and above their ability to provide spiritual guidance and support.
  • Family Centers – Some military family centers offer short-term, solution-focused counseling within their programs. At the very least, family centers will provide consultation, assessment and referral for counseling, plus help arrange respite care, if necessary, during counseling sessions. 
  • Peer Support – Many people caring for a disabled family member find emotional support through relationships with other parents in similar situations. Talking to others who share the same experiences, emotions and concerns can be extremely reassuring as well as a source of new skills, knowledge, and insight. Opportunities for peer support can be in person, through organized groups dealing with a particular issue or condition, and in cyberspace through online discussion groups, chat, and listservs.
    • Support Groups – Many installation family centers sponsor or have information on support groups for military special needs families. Local hospitals and schools often organize support groups around a particular disability, such as autism. Support groups may also be located by contacting the national association for a particular disability.
    • Parent-to-Parent Programs – Parent-to-parent programs are organized at the state and local levels to offer support and information to parents of children with disability, chronic illness, or special need. Typical parent-to-parent programs match a “support parent” — a trained volunteer who has developed effective coping skills and strategies for parenting a child with special needs — with a “referred parent” who has a child newly diagnosed, in crisis, in transition, or simply in need of support. Parents are matched as closely as possible based on the child’s diagnosis, family structure, and ethnic or religious similarities.
    • Online Chat, Discussion Boards, and Listservs – Many national associations for specific disabilities sponsor online discussion groups.  

Resources

• Military OneSource – Military OneSource is a Department of Defense (DoD) sponsored benefit available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week that provides up to twelve free in-person counseling sessions per person, per issue or telephonic and online consultations for those unable to attend face-to-face counseling sessions.
• MilitaryINSTALLATIONS – MilitaryINSTALLATIONS is a resource available on MilitaryHOMEFRONT that provides contact information for programs and services, maps and directions, links to comprehensive location overviews, and community points of interest for military installations worldwide.  Contact information for installation chaplains and Family Centers can be found through this resource.
• Beach Center on Disability – As a permanent unit of the University of Kansas, the Beach Center on Disability conducts research, carries out training and technical assistance, and provides international, national, state, regional, and local service.  The Beach Center on Disability website maintains an updated list of links to parent-to-parent groups by state.
• Specialized Training of Military Parents (STOMP) – Funded through the Department of Education, STOMP is a federally funded Parent Training and Information Center established to assist military families who have children with special education or health needs. The STOMP website contains a listserv for military special needs families.