The tragic story involving the Iraq War veteran accused of killing five homeless people could have been averted. According to his family, his war experiences caused him to come home a changed man. It also set me thinking about how many casualties of war there really are, with tragedies that play out silently all around us every day.
As a psychologist for more than 20 years, and after having given hundreds of presentations worldwide, I've been continually struck by the commonalities we all share. No one has ever come in for therapy saying, "I'm here because my father didn't love me." It's rather because people feel internally pushed into doing things they don't want to do or prevented from doing things they want to do. They know that something is holding them back in life, but can't quite get a handle on what that is.
As psychologists, we are trained to look at how people were raised to help identify the source of their problems. Of course each person is unique, with a particular set of issues and experiences. But general context is also important -- meaning that it often helps to look at when someone was raised. And what recently struck me was how we have a new generation of children being raised by parents who have returned from military combat. After 10 years of war and counting, how does this stack up against the Baby Boomer generation that came into being just a few years after World War II? More importantly, is there anything we can learn from it?
In those days, the moms stayed home to take care of the children and the fathers were the providers. Two-parent families definitely can have their advantages. However, over the years, I've treated many clients who were raised by fathers who worked long hours to put food on the table but were absent when it came to expressing love and affection. Many of my clients described fathers who were disciplinarians, who maintained a firm sense of control in the household, but were often either silent and emotionally withdrawn or angry.
If we look carefully, we can see that many of these fathers displayed signs of what we know now is posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It didn't help that PTSD wasn't even listed as a diagnosis until 1980. But the fact that war experiences were common didn't make them any less impactful. From personal experience in treating veterans from World War II, the Korean War and Vietnam, it's clear that there is no difference in the pain and sorrow from those returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. So often their emotional burden is caused by the feelings that they were powerless to save someone. This can be even more devastating than being in danger yourself. Those who were support personnel often carry the same feelings of anger, guilt and lack of control. Who couldn't they save?
All these events can be locked in the brain as unprocessed memories and carry the emotions and feelings that were present at the time of the event. So when the young men of WWII came marching home again, they carried with them memories that were ready to be triggered at home. Since they often blamed themselves for what had happened, they were too ashamed to talk about it to anyone. But pressures at home or work could easily stir up the feelings they'd tried to ignore. Even simple things like a baby crying or a burnt dinner could trigger emotions connected with long-ago firefights they both couldn't control and didn't understand. And the ones that took the brunt of the pain were the children who were raised by fathers who could not easily communicate, or express love -- and perhaps lashed out when they were angry. As is usually the case, children take on the blame for their parents' "flaws" and think, "There must be something wrong with me/I'm not good enough." How many baby boomers still carry the wounds even though now entering retirement age? Is it any wonder that antidepressants are about as prevalent as aspirin in our culture?
Now, a new generation comes home from wars that have gone on for a decade, often with no clear sense of victory. As we see in the news, homelessness and drug use is rampant among veterans. And for those who have managed to return physically unscathed, how many carry memories of pain that also leave them feeling alienated and unable to communicate? Irritability, withdrawal, impatience and anger are potential warning signs of unprocessed memories that need to be addressed. Soldiers are trained to be stoic, but how much have they changed since the war? My bottom line here is to remind the families and friends of veterans that each generation has its silent heroes and it is our job to make sure they get the help they need. I also want to remind veterans that they should get help not only for their own sake, but for their children's sake as well.
And for those baby boomers still carrying the scars of childhood: It's never too late to get the help you need to release the past. It's all stored in memory, which can be processed and transformed into a source of resilience. Basically, you may never have been in combat, but there's no reason to stay a prisoner of your father's war.
For more information on the EMDR Institute, visit http://www.emdr.com.
For more about the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Programs, visit http://www.emdrhap.org.
For more by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., click here.
For more on PTSD, click here.
Read more: "Preventing Military Misconduct Stress Behaviors" and "When Veterans Come Home"
PTSD - U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
PTSD in Veterans - Rates of PTSD in Veterans
Forever at War: Veterans' Everyday Battles with Post-traumatic ...
Many veterans not getting enough treatment for PTSD
Veterans with PTSD Suffer More Medical Illnesses | LiveScience
There have been some differences in the wars though. In WWII the German Army fought by rules like our troops did. They had uniforms, camps, weapons, etc, and the fighting was done by standard military rules of engagement. Many of the men who served were older too.
My Dad was in his late 20s when he went to Europe, and had grown up through the Depression, so many had some maturity and life experience when they started. The one thing that I can remember that he had a response to was that he always told us to "not just do what someone told us to" (barring parents and teachers!). I think he could never understand how AH got so many people to do such terrible things.
My whole high school class was drafted for Nam, by brother was sent to Korea because he was too young to be sent to Nam. He arrived in Korea the same day the Pueblo was captured. I think the kids were so young and even tho trained in military warfare, then they had to fight where the enemy used women and children against them, and while they had to adapt to survive, they were just kids and in no way ready to understand and process how the enemy was fighting.
Fighting terrorists is not conventional military engagement. No uniforms, no rules, no one is off limits to them. 911 is a perfect example of how they will use anyone for target. Even the Japanese attacked the military at Hickam, Schofield, Wheeler, and Pearl and not civilians.
After the ex came home from Nam, we where stationed at Ft Benning and I used to see Calley out walking in the yard (he was under house arrest). I had to come to the realization that war is almost never black and white, but a million shades of gray.
To all who have served, Thanks and Welcome Home!
The reality of it is that these soldiers and their dependends have had their lives forever impacted by this decade of war and the social impact will go on indefinately for some. The recent situation with soldiers pissing on dead sodiers is a perfect example of how the civilian population get upset about an event that might be unacceptable even by military standards but in respect to the condtions and events experienced by combat soldiers is really pretty minimal.
The event could have been taken as anther wake up call that these wars have gone on so long that these soldiers have clearly done and seen too much killing but instead the civilians community wants to crucify them. Instead of looking at them with concern the big concern was that they needed to be punished which is in itself a crime of a civilian community with the majority having never served in combat.
and the shock of the real spun them into virtigo and most will be spinning for the rest of their lives.
Why did they want to be heros? Because they had learned in school, at home, in bars, on the streets, with friends,heros were respected and were winners and the best.
'
Life decision mistakes can have consequences none are able to pay for so till death does the vets pains and sufferings depart.
This is speculative opinion and not to be taken personally by any.
I, personally, appreciated that someone informed me of the difference.
:)
What is equally tragic is the fact that there are millions of mothers & children in America who also suffer from PTSD because they couldn't save their children or siblings from severe traumas and/or abuse. Yet there is little to no treatment available to them so they are left to suffer silently just like the war veterans. The difference being that everyone recognizes that our war veterans are often afflicted with PTSD but no one seems to recognize it in their own mothers who have had to fight battles within their own families for their own survival & their children's survival.
EMDR therapy is extremely helpful to victims of abuse, assault, or trauma but it is hard to find the treatment necessary to heal. There are millions of mothers in America suffering silently just like our veterans. They need help too. Maybe, they can even team up to help each other heal. So, I say to the author here, Francine Shapiro, there is a market for your services among veterans and among mothers. Why not expand your services to target both of these afflicted markets equally rather than just focusing on vets alone? Countless civilian wives & children suffer in silence as well.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/e-c-hurley-phd/ptsd-veterans_b_1228541.html?ref=healthy-living
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-c-russell-phd-abpp/ptsd-veterans_b_1228546.html?ref=healthy-living
There really are ways to get rid of the symptoms. Ask these veterans. There is no need to continue suffering.
"...it's just what happens when you know people are out to harm you when you least expect it. It is what life has become when any moment you know a mortar, rocket or explosive device could instantaneously take your life. Emotional numbing becomes a way of surviving."
What about a glock to your head, a knife to your throat, a fist to your face, repeated rape & torture? No war, no support. Like I said, mothers & children need this treatment too.
Protecting my children from abuse made me feel like I lived in a war zone for decades. Even grown, my children still suffer since I only succeeded in providing limited protection & it wasn't enough. My kids & I live today with our injuries & no visible war to blame for them. This describes the state of my family: "It is difficult to stay present in a conversation when so many stimuli take them back to memories of disturbing events. It is easier to avoid conversation than argue or be triggered every time the vet talks. Social isolation becomes a means of escaping the unpleasant challenges of social interaction." Being a vet myself, Docs referred me to the VA for treatment since I can't afford private treatment.