Blog Brigade

Holiday Spirit in Warm Climates

Posted by Melissa on December 7, 2012 at 07:00

Dec 072012

Melissa

It’s that time of year again! A crisp chill is in the air, warranting sweaters and winter coats. Holiday trees glow from windows of ornately decorated houses. Snowmen in the front yard welcome guests into homes full of cheer. The holidays have arrived!

Wait a second; it can’t be this time of year… I am still walking around in short-sleeve shirts and flip flops!

When we arrived at our beautiful, tropical island home of Okinawa last year, I noticed that I had a hard time getting into the holiday spirit while it was still 70+ degrees outside. I would look out our window and see bright blue skies and sunshine, yet holiday wreaths were popping up on everyone’s doors, and the stores were playing holiday music. It seemed surreal, like my internal clock was off.

I quickly learned that we would have to adjust to celebrating our winter holidays in a climate where no true winter actually exists. To help me get in the spirit I keep up our tradition of decorating our tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. I have collected ornaments that symbolize everywhere we have lived, and I enjoy getting all nostalgic as I place these mementos on our tree. This usually helps me jump start my holiday cheer. Also, no matter where we are in the world, I blast holiday music while having my annual “Bake Fest” making all of our favorite holiday treats to enjoy ourselves and share with others.

Here are some other ideas to help you get in the holiday spirit if you live in an area that doesn’t have a “winter season.”

Buy “snow in a can.” Spray your windows to mimic a snow scene. Or have your kids make paper snowflakes to hang.

Go ice skating. When else can you bust out those winter sweaters when you live in a warm climate? I have noted that many larger cities have indoor ice skating rinks that are especially popular at this time of year.

Do holiday crafts. Gather your children, grab the glue, glitter, and red and green construction paper and get crafting! Need inspiration? Check out Pinterest! This site is hopping with thousands of cheap holiday craft ideas that can easily be done with items usually already found in your home (think pinecones, burned out light bulbs and popsicle sticks).

Watch your holiday movie. If I need to get in the holiday spirit, my husband and I pop in “The Christmas Story” movie. After this classic, we finally feel like the holidays have arrived.

Jam out to holiday tunes. In the car, in your house or during your workout, blast those tunes! When you are constantly humming Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, your mind will finally register that it is the holiday season regardless of what the temperature outside may be.

Wear reindeer ears or holiday socks. Sure you may get some strange looks from your coworkers (like I did when I dressed myself as a present for our holiday party) or other shoppers in the commissary, but it will definitely spread holiday cheer, which will help you get in the spirit!

Decorate a gingerbread house. How could you not feel full of holiday cheer after attaching gum drops and sugary confections to a gingerbread house using sugary icing?

Admire the Christmas lights. No matter if you live in the North Pole or on the equator, I have noticed that people still decorate the outsides of their homes and businesses with lights and other festive displays. Here in Okinawa, there is a huge shopping area that takes Christmas lights to the extreme. When we need a dose of holiday spirit, we take a night stroll past the light covered walkways, bridges and buildings to get that magical holiday feeling.

I have learned the most important way to get in the holiday spirit no matter where you are is to keep up with your family traditions. So if your family likes to cuddle up in pajamas, drink hot cocoa and watch holiday movies on Christmas Eve, don’t let the warm climate stop you from doing that. Keep the traditions alive no matter your latitude on the globe.

Guest Blog: 5 Ways to Say Thank You

Posted by Guest Blogger on December 6, 2012 at 07:00

Dec 062012

Lisa

Blog Biography: Lisa is a Marine wife and mother of two. She has been through three deployments and four moves in her eight years as a military wife. She uses her passion for writing as a way to share her experiences with other military wives in her blog, A Chance to Bloom. Her hope is that she will provide inspiration and encouragement to others for finding contentment and joy in military life.

Once again, we are amidst the season for being thankful. It is wonderful to see people’s hearts and minds focusing upon a disposition of gratitude. The simple act of thinking about the things for which we are thankful is enough to lift our spirits and bring more joy to our lives. When we take it a step further and actually voice our gratitude, especially to the people it is directed toward, we not only increase our own happiness, but we bring delight to others as well.

The holiday season, unfortunately, is a time that brings added stress to many. Often times, we forget about the true meaning of the holidays and get stuck focusing on all the things that need to get done to prepare for what are only a few days. Many people even get anxiety over having to see certain members of their family. All of this pressure we put on ourselves is enough to dampen anyone’s holidays. But it doesn’t have to be that way. By practicing gratitude, we have the ability to relieve our stresses and foster joy in our own hearts and the hearts of others. And what is so great about this is that it is easy. Thankfulness doesn’t come with any rules and it doesn’t have to be complex. There are no restrictions on the ways in which we can show our gratitude. The only requirement is that we allow our minds to acknowledge its presence in our hearts and allow our voices to carry it out into the open.

Here are five of my favorite ways to say thank you:

1. Write a letter. Anytime you feel thankful toward someone, write them a thank you note or send an email showing your gratitude. It could be to the cashier at the store for showing excellent customer service, to your neighbor for helping you out when your spouse is deployed, to your friend for lending a listening ear or to your family members for their continued love and support. At one point, I had so many reasons to be thankful to my parents that I wrote them all down on a list and sent it to them. Whoever it may be, there is no doubt that person will be delighted to know he or she is appreciated.

2. Tell someone, in person, that you are thankful for all they do. Sometimes it is easier and more personable to give our thanks face-to-face. Tell your husband how much you appreciate his help, or thank him for understanding when you are having a bad day. When you are faced with having to see that anxiety-provoking family member, find something about that person for which you are thankful and tell him or her about it when you meet. When you have your hands full with kids and strollers and grocery carts, remember to thank the person who was observant enough to hold the door for you. Thank the store clerk who has to work on Thanksgiving Day. Thank a Soldier for his or her service to our country. It is easy to shy away from speaking up when we are thankful, but the end result is well worth it.

3. Give a gift of gratitude. Words of appreciation can sometimes be hard to express. Sometimes, words simply aren’t enough to show how much we really are thankful. Gift giving is not only personable, but it also shows the one you are thanking that you took the extra time and consideration to pick out a gift he or she would love. The gift doesn’t have to be big or expensive, just something that shows you care. Perhaps give a bottle of wine to the hostess when you are invited to a party, or send a gift basket to a friend who helped you get through a difficult time. One of my favorites is when my husband brings me flowers for no other reason than to say thanks for all I do. The possibilities are endless.

4. Offer to return the favor. This is especially valuable to military families during times of deployment. Much of the time, people do whatever they can to help others without expecting anything in return. But chances are they also could use an extra helping hand. When people go out of their way to help you, let them know that you are available to help them too. When your neighbor watches your kids on short notice, give her a call the next day and tell her you will watch her kids so she can get something done. When you are going grocery shopping, ask your friend if she needs anything as a thank you for bringing you milk when you were too busy to go yourself. When your spouse senses your tension and gives you a backrub without being asked, do the same for him or her sometime soon.

5. Open your home. When you want to show gratitude to someone, have that person over for dinner. Welcoming someone into the most treasured place in your life is a wonderful way to say thank you. It not only tells people that you are grateful, but also that you desire to spend more time with them. It tells them that they mean something to you and that they have a place in your life. For me, feeling like I matter in someone else’s life is the ultimate display of gratitude.

This year, commit yourselves to being thankful not only through the holiday season but also beyond the new year. Discover how contagious gratitude can be. You might just find that anxiety diminishes and happiness flourishes when the heart is grateful.

Teaching Our Kids at the Nation’s Capitol

Posted by Kelli on December 5, 2012 at 07:00

Dec 052012

Kelli

I am excited to be within driving distance of our nation’s capitol. I have an opportunity to do for my children what my dad wanted to do for my sister and me. Walk together, touch and feel the history of our country. However, I didn’t realize I hadn’t prepared my children as well as my father did for a visit to the symbols that represent such significant moments in our nation’s history.

I’ve been able to visit the historic venues of D.C. several times now, each time with one or two of my children. I want my children to appreciate and honor the history of our country; I want

them to love this country the way I do; and I want them to be proud and to recognize what has been sacrificed and continues to be sacrificed to provide the freedoms we have. I want them to understand those freedoms have been bought and paid for by people like their father and grandfather who have families that love them as much as we love our men.

The opportunity to teach them these things as we walk among the great museums, rest on the Mall or climb the steps to the Lincoln Memorial is precious.

While visiting on one particular trip I realized I have not provided the foundation my father provided for me while growing up. As a veteran, he spoke candidly about war, the ugly side of it, the valor and sacrifice that came from it and why he was willing to make that sacrifice each time he took off in an airplane.

For him, this was not memory lane, but his way of teaching me about our nation’s history and sacrifice. He didn’t speak of politics, budgets or strategies. Instead I learned about great acts of valor, sacrifice and bravery. He taught me about ideals that men and women stood and died for. He spoke of individual service members and their families. He then told me our family belonged to their ranks. We sacrificed much of our childhood as our father flew many post-Vietnam missions. I stood a little taller and it was a little more bearable the next time he left to fly to some unknown location.

After visiting the Vietnam Memorial with one child I realized we have been so caught up in our own life of deployments, separations, long hours and everything that comes with military life, we had not made the time to instill in them the same understanding.

Each generation becomes more emotionally removed from historical events than the one before. The “conflict” in Vietnam is to my children what World War I and II were to me: events I really didn’t want to regurgitate for a test. Until, that is, I began reading about those wars in novels that humanized them for me and exposed me to the sacrifices of our forefathers (and mothers).

As my understanding grew, so did my desire to know my own family’s history and where we fit in throughout the history of our country. I didn’t want to just read about other’s experiences; I wanted to know what my family’s experience had been. I have thought about how I could better teach my children, honor my father, and be as diligent as he was in fostering patriotism and respect for our nation.

Looking back on those trips to D.C., I know I want to do things differently next time. I want to make the actual visit to D.C. more meaningful and use our nation’s capitol to instill pride and patriotism in our country.

Before our next trip to D.C., I am going to decide on a particular museum, monument or other historical site and expose my children to it before we get there. You just can’t see everything in one visit. However, if you don’t have the luxury of multiple trips and have to see as much as you can, pick a few things to really focus on while you’re there.

Walking up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with, and I am not kidding, 500 other people takes some of the awe out of being there. However, if you invest a little time before your trip, the outcome will not only be more pleasant but will give your junior historians the chance to point out things most other visitors will miss. For instance, if you look up at the frieze that surrounds the top of the Lincoln Memorial, you will notice the names of the 36 states of Lincoln’s presidency connected by intertwining northern laurel and long leaf pine leaves. They are symbols of unity, which is the impression the whole memorial is designed to convey.

HOW do I know this? Sadly this tidbit was not learned on one of my three visits to the memorial, but from visiting the National Park Service’s website and watching their wonderful interactive presentations.

Kids WANT to know stuff. But they, like most of us, don’t want to be lectured to death about things they have no way of relating to. Use virtual tours and other interactive websites, movies and literature before you are standing with a map flapping in the wind with someone saying he has to go to the bathroom… again.

At the World War II Memorial, how much more of an impact will it have standing in front of the 4,048 gold stars if your family already knows that each gold star represents 100 American military deaths? More than 400,000 service members and other military personnel lost their lives or were missing in action.

Why use a star to represent those numbers? When an American went off to fight many families displayed in their window a flag bearing a blue star on a white field with a red border. When the official telegram arrived notifying the family of their loved one’s death, the blue star would be replaced with a gold one revealing that family’s sacrifice. If your kids know this before they get there, you have a better chance of them having a “moment” of understanding.

Also, do a little family history research. Where did their grandparents and great grandparents live during the war eras? My great grandmother left Throckmorton, Texas to go and work in a ship yard in Galveston during World War II. My granddad (her son) was a Merchant Marine. Suddenly World War II means more to me than test questions. It’s just become my history as well. If you have pictures of your family, that’s even better.

Depending on the kids’ ages consider giving them each a camera (disposable or inexpensive) to document their day. You can also give them special “notebooks” to write down facts before they go and any new ones they learn while on site.

When you get home use the pictures and information from the notebooks to publish family vacation journals. There are tons of websites that walk you through the process. What a great gift for other family members, especially those who have served.

I want my children to maybe understand, just a little bit better than they do now, why the elderly couple walking ahead of us through the Vietnam Memorial slowly stops and pauses by a name or two. Why the gray haired man is unable to speak, while his wife walks silently beside him, gently patting his arm.

I want them to know why there are notes and mementos left at that great black wall of names.

We can’t understand the veteran’s experience, but we can teach our children to respect and honor their sacrifice and all those who stood with him throughout our nation’s history in one American military uniform or another.

Speak Your Spouse’s Stress Language

Posted by Kristi on December 3, 2012 at 07:00

Dec 032012

Kristi

The stress divide is clearly defined in our house. I am guaranteed to overreact about everything from running late to a messy house and my husband almost always underreacts (by my overreacting standards anyway). Sure, you could say we kind of balance each other out, but when stress levels are high, things can get a little tense.

I haven’t had much practice dealing with my husband’s stress, and the first time I watched him “spool up”—his words, not mine—I was a little confused because I am rarely on the spectating side of a freak-out. After trying to suggest a couple of solutions that were quickly shot down I just said, “Let me know if you need me, I’ll be in the other room.”

I felt awful the entire time he was stewing in his own stress and I was powerless. I stressed myself out searching for possible solutions for him. Clearly, my unfailing empathy is a blessing and a curse. Later that evening he thanked me for giving him his space to work through his stressful situation.

Excuse me? I couldn’t offer one viable piece of support or suggestion and you’re thanking me? This was new territory for me. I pictured this conversation going much differently, like something along the lines of, “Thanks a lot for ditching me when I needed your help.” Instead of this hypothetical “thanks” drenched in sarcasm, I got a sincere thank you! I was officially stunned and confused, but if ever this situation arose again, I had a pretty simple plan of action:

Show concern.
Leave the room.

My poor husband, on the other hand, has his work cut out for him. I’m almost always worried or stressed about something (often unnecessarily), and I advertise my stress inconsistently, often in ways that make zero sense to him. In short, I’m a complicated stress mess.

My husband’s number one complaint when I’m stressed is that I don’t explain what’s bothering me or how he can help. This is usually when I logically reply, “Why don’t you just know what I’m thinking?” It’s an absurd question, but it sure would simplify things if he was able to read my mind.

Since I can’t promise that I’ll always have a clear enough mind to express my feelings and ask for help when the next stressful situation arises, here’s a cheat sheet about how to deal with my stress:

Stress with me. If you offer clear solutions to something that clearly has no simple solution, I will get mad at you.

Say things like, “I know how you feel,” or “that stinks.” Compliments like “you look pretty,” can’t hurt either.

Be extra nice. This might not be fair, but it’s worth it to tiptoe so you can stay on my good side.

Stay out of my way, but stay close by for moral support. If my husband were to totally walk away like he needs me to when he’s stressed, he’d be in some hot water. To me, if someone walks away from me when I’m stressed it means that they don’t care.

Seems pretty simple, right? Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t. Whether he knows it or not, my husband’s taught me that everyone stresses over different things, everyone handles stress differently and everyone needs support in different ways during times of stress. If you don’t yet know the best way to help your spouse through a stressful situation, it might warrant a conversation (preferably not during a stressful moment).

When my husband and I finally talked about stress, it became clear to us what we needed from each other during times of stress. That conversation also made me realize that I was being unreasonable about some things, like insisting that my husband learn to read my mind.

Once we learned how to best help each other, we were both a little more comfortable during stressful situations. My husband appreciates that I am developing more realistic expectations for his support and I understand it’s not worth stressing over my inability to help my husband with certain things, especially those work dilemmas that he might as well be explaining in another language.

Finding Thanks When Your Life Is Falling Apart

Posted by Kelli on November 29, 2012 at 07:00

Nov 292012

Kelli

There have been times in my life when I have felt such despair, anxiety and irritation that I wondered if I would ever be happy again. If those difficult moments in life happen to coincide with the holidays, it can feel like a double whammy. You can feel more alone than ever, becoming melancholy and giving in to depression and anxiety.

When you feel like your life is crumbling around you, it’s hard to find reasons to be thankful. In fact, I was thinking about this as I read the many (MANY) Facebook posts as friends and family members who participated in the 30 days of Thanksgiving for the month of November.

I’ve struggled to find the words to express how I sometimes feel when my life has slipped out of control and the very air around me is almost too heavy to move through. It has been during times of grief and heartbreak that weigh so heavy it’s hard to even know how to begin to pull myself up let alone to be thankful.

I wrote about finding an attitude of gratitude, but there are times when circumstances make it hard to even have a desire to find gratitude. What do you do then? I know what I want to do. I want to give into the despair, wrap it around me like a blanket, curl up in a ball under my covers, eat chocolate and hope when I open my eyes that fairies do exists and my house is clean, the laundry done and a dinner is waiting for my family.

I can tell you, this has actually happened, to include the cozy blanket. Only my fairies were my neighbors, my friends and my family.

There is no quick and easy fix to heartbreak. Grief is its own journey and we all walk it a little differently. Loss of any kind — a relationship, financial stability or faith — can bring sadness and deep melancholy that can be debilitating. You feel like your life is literally falling apart.

I am not a professional, but I am a military spouse, mother of six, full-time employee, volunteer, daughter and friend. I also pretend to cook dinner. I have experienced loss, grief, suffering and pain. I’ve been despised, humiliated, embarrassed and wrongfully accused. I’ve wept, I’ve raged and I’ve shook my fist at the heavens.

When those moments come, I regroup, pull myself up and plan. It involves baby steps, humility and doing hard things. We can do hard things. YES WE CAN.

Baby Steps

First I recommend you take a shower, fix your hair and, if you wear makeup, put it on. Notice I did not say you had to shave… baby steps. If your home is in chaos it means picking one area and cleaning it or bringing it into order. I start with changing the sheets on the bed. Then I can get back in after I’ve showered…

Another good area to start with is the kitchen sink. If that’s all you can do you would be amazed at how much better you feel with a shiny scrubbed kitchen sink. It also seems to suddenly make the rest of the kitchen clean too.

If you have children you need to feed, try to have simple, easy meals on hand. Now is not the time to beat yourself up over full, three-course meals.

Now, you’re clean, the kitchen is kind of clean and you have clean sheets. It’s movie night with the kids! Everyone is home, safe and fed. That is something to be thankful for.

Humility

You need help. Even if you don’t think you need help, you do. We are not meant to be alone. Your help might be the teenager down the street babysitting while you shower. Maybe it’s a friend who can talk with you while you do a load of laundry or two. Maybe you need to call family and talk, or have them come out for a few days. It’s different for everyone. There are different levels of help. Don’t be too proud to ask.

People have threatened to throw me in the shower and I have threatened others with the same thing. I have had dear friends from church and other circles come into my home and clean my kitchen, bring me a meal and take my children for the afternoon.

I have sobbed alone and on the shoulder of my husband when there were no words to express my heart. We have sought spiritual and emotional counsel when the burdens were too hard to bear alone. We have admitted we don’t have all the answers and have asked for help. You can be thankful you have places to go for help.

Doing Hard Things

This has meant asking for or giving forgiveness. Sometimes it takes the form of sacrifice in order to get control of finances, our family and our home. Evaluating how and where we spend our time, our money and our attention. We have had to drop some things off our plate or changed the environment we were in. It has meant we had to remove ourselves from friendships or reach out to rebuild broken ones. Sometimes it’s just learning to live life each day without someone in it anymore.

You can’t be thankful when you can’t function. You can’t function when your life is amuck and you’re missing out on living it.

It is during these times we have the chance to grow and strengthen ourselves and our families. It’s a time to discover if we are who we want to be. You have that to be thankful for too.

There is opposition in all things. There must be. Without despair and sadness we would never understand or appreciate the beauty, joy and peace that can permeate our lives once again.

So if you decide to test out my plan and you take that shower and shave a leg or two, you will begin to, once again, start finding things to be thankful for. Hot water, clean clothes and the only place to go is up.

Homecoming Photography: Do or Don’t?

Posted by Cassie on November 27, 2012 at 07:00

Nov 272012

Cassie

Picture it. You’re there with the other spouses, waiting for the bus/ship/whatever to come in. You’ve made your signs. You’re wearing a cute dress. Your hair is perfect. Your kids are adorable, holding their little American flags and balloons. And then, there he is, stepping off the bus, bag over his shoulder. You run to him, arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders as your kids wrap themselves around his legs. You enjoy a long embrace and a deep, loving kiss before stepping away to enjoy the moment when he holds your child for the first time in months. The band is playing. Fireworks go off. Streamers float through the air. It’s everything you could have possibly imagined in a homecoming.

No. The reality is he’s exhausted, your kid has candy in her hair and has ripped out her pretty bows hours ago. Your signs have footprints on them because you had to set them down to keep your fingers from cramping and someone stepped on them. The bus is four hours late. It’s midnight. Your feet are killing you! OR, if you’re like me, you get the phone call…

“Um…I’m going to be a while. I have to make sure everything gets off the ship. Don’t bother coming to the command post yet,” even though all the OTHER wives had been united with their hubbies. Then, when he finally arrived, bleary-eyed and grumpy, I walked down the hall to find him there, where we exchanged that warm embrace and loving kiss in front of a group of 15 strangers. Not the picture-perfect reunion I expected from my first homecoming.

The question becomes: do you want a photographer there to capture it all?

This is a relatively new trend in homecomings, but it is very popular. I think back to when my kids were small and when the hubby came home. Would I want someone to capture it? For me, I think the answer is no, but to each their own. When it comes to pictures, here are the two biggest questions you might consider.

How does your service member feel about it? Your service member just spent 6 months to a year (on average) away from home, working his or her butt off. Some of service members deployed on ships, others spent months in Afghanistan, grinding it out. My advice would be to ask them ahead of time how they feel about having someone there to watch their homecoming unfold.

Will the camera distract anyone in your family from enjoying this memorable moment? It doesn’t matter what time they get back, what you look like, what he looks like or how crazy your kids are acting. Homecoming marks the end to the constant worry, semi-single parenting and desperately missing the love of your life. If you think the camera will distract from “being in the moment” of reunion, consider if the snap shots are worth it. Do you want to look back on the time and remember how awkward you felt with flash bulbs going off over your shoulder or do you want to remember how his arms felt so strong around you? If you think the camera won’t feel like an intrusion, why not capture the moment in photos?

Homecoming photography is a very personal choice that your family has to make together. For me, deployment has marked the end of something I’d rather forget but can’t, to be perfectly candid. I don’t like deployments and ours, like many of yours, were filled with a lot of heartbreak. Some of them took longer than others to get over (as I tear up while writing, I clearly still have baggage). I’m not sure I would want to capture that time, forever and always, in a photograph, because it would bring back a lot of sad memories. Instead, I’ll keep the homecoming memory in my mind, a personal reminder of how thankful I am that my husband made it home safely and that we are together again. I am thankful every day that he is by my side.

So what do you think? Does homecoming photography interest you?

What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted by Kristi on November 23, 2012 at 07:00

Nov 232012

Kristi

What do a deployment, the stomach flu, a pant-less post-Thanksgiving dinner baby, screaming on Santa’s lap, hosting holiday dinner and a midday pajama party have in common? If you guessed that they were all events of my holiday season last year you’re either a really good guesser or you know me outside of this blog.

Either way, you’re right. This was, in fact, my reality just a year ago. My husband’s deployment had spoiled all my carefully made plans for a perfect first holiday season for our son, J, and I was forced to improvise. It wasn’t always ideal, it definitely wasn’t always pretty, but J and I survived with some pretty priceless memories (that I will remind him of later).

With my husband deployed for the whole shebang, August–January, I did the best that I could (with the help of a few dear friends) to make J’s first holiday season a memorable one:

I took J to his first pumpkin patch.

J passed out candy to trick-or-treaters until his 8:00 bedtime. Let’s just say I ate a lot of leftover candy last year.

J tasted his first Thanksgiving dinner. OK, he at least ate sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie.

We sent daddy cards, letters and care packages to help him feel a little more festive without us.

We (I) went all out decorating the house for the holidays. No scrooges allowed just because we were down an important family member.

J (and I against my better judgment) sat on Santa’s lap at the squadron holiday party. Fact: J is not a fan of Old Saint Nick.

J drooled over freshly baked holiday cookies, and we ate too many after realizing I made way too many for one and a half people.

We welcomed both sets of grandparents for the holidays and hosted our very first holiday dinner, although J was no help at setting the table since he couldn’t yet walk.

We celebrated J’s first birthday with a few good friends and pancakes at his midday pajama party.

We rang in the New Year. J made it to around 8:30 or so.

Yeah, last year was something special, for sure. And now that I’m 99.9 percent sure that we’ll get to have my husband home this year, I’m a little giddy. I’m a major sucker for the holiday season anyway with all the good cheer, generosity, baked goods and the coveted Thanksgiving dinner. My own love for the holidays is probably the only reason I was able to keep it together last year.

This year is a whole new ball game, though! This is the one and only year we’ll celebrate as a family of three before the debut of baby number two, and I can’t wait for my husband to see what the holidays are like through J’s eyes; it’s indescribable. And, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also looking forward to a little help assembling gifts, eating those delicious cookies and carving the Thanksgiving turkey.

Who knows what little surprises this holiday season has in-store for the three of us. Perhaps we can have a less traumatic Santa experience, or maybe J will magically learn to say “trick-or-treat” by Halloween; no such luck so far. Maybe J will be a little more willing to try the spread at Thanksgiving dinner so I don’t have to make a last second bowl of macaroni and cheese. Who knows?

One thing is for sure, though: this year will be much different than the last. We are living in a different house, in a different city, in a different state nearly 1,500 miles from our first home. We’re together, and we couldn’t be happier about it. To anyone currently in our position from last year, it won’t always be easy, but make the most of it and that one of a kind holiday season will be something you won’t easily forget. Good, bad or ugly, you’ll never have a holiday season like this one again.

Thankful for Military Life

Posted by Dani on November 21, 2012 at 07:00

Nov 212012

Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude. ~E.P. Powell

Dani

I love Thanksgiving. It’s a holiday that brings American families together each year. It’s a day off from work and school, letting families gather to eat turkey, watch football and prep for Black Friday shopping. With the promise of holiday chaos soon to come, it’s also the perfect reminder to stop and take some time to express gratitude. Gratitude for life, health, family, friends, relationships, success, careers and freedom. Thankfulness of any sort… especially to our troops.

For military families, there is often an empty seat at the table. America’s brave service members are separated from their home and loved ones for the greater good of our nation, and they deserve lots of thoughts and prayers. It’s because of our military that we’re able to enjoy our freedom and time together with our families.

In my little corner of the world, I am certainly thankful for what the military has taught me and given to our small family of two. I get so sentimental this time of year. Thanksgiving reminds me to reflect on all the blessings in my life. Military life has its ups and downs, but in the end, I really do have so much to be thankful for.

I am personally thankful to the military for so many things:

Encouraging me to be strong and independent. If it weren’t for military life, I don’t know when else I would’ve had to dig as deep as I have to find strength and courage to get through the emotional rollercoaster of deployments, separations, leaving home and moving every few years. I’ve found independence and solace in my career, friendships and even my time alone.

Providing for our family. The economy is still rough; the job market is still shaky. But we have a steady income, a roof over our heads, health care and money to live.

Employing my husband, and giving him a job he loves. The military has brought him respect, success and a reason to get up every morning and fight for what he believes in. Knowing that he is doing what makes him happy is one of the greatest joys in my life.

Taking me to new places. Did I ever think I’d live on the beach? No, but the military sent us there. Did I ever think I’d live less than an hour from the nation’s capital? No, but I have the military to thank for that, too. Traveling and discovering new cities and states is an amazing experience.

Introducing me to new people. I’ve met some really great people thanks to the military and military spouse groups I’m part of. My relationships with them grew faster and stronger than most of my civilian friendships because of the things we experienced together. I’ve also met some not-so-great people, which taught me to differentiate between the good eggs and the bad eggs early on and not waste my energy on toxic people.

Showing me diversity. The military has taught me to be accepting and non-judgmental of the new people I meet and to appreciate their many and varied accents, ways of dress and cultures.

Giving me a voice as a military spouse. I care about issues I never thought I would care about. I’m confident about opinions I didn’t know I had. I love helping new military wives adjust to this life and come into their own, and I’m not afraid to speak up now.

Helping me to better appreciate my family and friends. I’ve always been close with my family, and I ‘ve been blessed to have wonderful friends. But our life in the military has taken me away from all of my loved ones and, with that, opened my eyes to how good I really have it and how much I truly miss them. I cherish every trip home or visit with my girlfriends and never take those times for granted.

Teaching me patience. From the day I met my husband, I had to be patient for three years while we lived so far apart. I was patient through two deployments while I waited for his return. I’m patient during the trips home to see my family, the long nights he works late, and all the ups, downs and changes the military throws our way. Patience is a virtue, and I’m learning every day.

Proving that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I swear, I love my husband more every day we are together. Every accomplishment, award or success he shares makes me glow with pride and respect for him. When we are separated, I miss him and can’t wait to be reunited. The time we spend apart makes our relationship that much stronger.

As a whole, I can honestly say that the military has really helped me to appreciate life and the relationships I’ve made along the way. What about you? What blessings has the military shown you and your family? I’d love to hear in the comments below. Have a beautiful holiday.

Thankful for My “Other” Family

Posted by Melissa on November 20, 2012 at 08:00

Nov 202012

Melissa

It is hard to be so far away from family when you live overseas. It is hard not making quick trips home to see family a few times a year, especially at holidays and birthdays. It is hard having your kids know their grandparents only as images on video chat, or watching nieces and nephews grow up through pictures via email. It’s hard knowing that if you needed your family, or if they needed you, that there would be a few days of travel involved instead a drive in the car.

We are all far from that vital family support that we all need. Because of this, I believe the natural progression is to form familial type friendships with those around you. Of course these friendships naturally occur in military communities around the country, but I have noticed they are even more prevalent at overseas locations.

It is truly heartwarming to watch friends be “stand in” family for a new mom who has just given birth and needs some extra help because her own family wasn’t able to make the trip. It is encouraging to see families helping out with little ones while a spouse is deployed, or helping out with errands when a car breaks down. Through joyous occasions and crisis situations, military families never fail to fill in where needed to help each other.

We have only lived overseas for a year and I am so grateful that I have a wonderful group of friends that I can count on like family in any situation. When my father-in-law passed away this summer, they swooped in as soon as they heard the news and immediately wanted to know what they could do to help. They helped us arrange pet care, airport transfers and household maintenance while we went home. Knowing that I can count on these friends like family in a time of crisis is comforting.

Particularly during the holiday season, overseas military families band together to make this time of year special and memorable since we are all so far from home. I have noticed that these celebrations never seem awkward with such a mix of friends and strangers sharing a holiday that is typically reserved for our own families.

I know this year at Thanksgiving, tables at military locations all over the world will be full of old friends and new, bonding together to make special memories. I am grateful to be a part of the military community every day, but especially at this time of year.

Finding Your Attitude of Gratitude

Posted by Kelli on November 19, 2012 at 08:00

Nov 192012

Kelli

I took my van in this morning for two new front tires and an oil change. It’s never a good sign when twenty minutes or so after dropping your car off you get a phone call from your mechanic. What was going to be a somewhat manageable bill has more than doubled. I have a right front bearing that has to be replaced. <Insert long heavy sigh, rest forehead on desk, bang lightly>

Car issues are just one item on my list of the things that make me grumble and whip my anxiety into a frenzy. In no particular order: dental bills, mechanic bills, deployments, middle school, to include middle school aged children, school events and field trips. Don’t forget politics, gas prices, and the miles between me and my family. I have more bills than I have money, my kids need things, I want things, and I have no idea what the future holds for us. Are there orders? Do we retire?

I am actually feeling a little panic. My shoulders are tense, there’s a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I am pretty sure I just gained a pound. Why can’t I be the weight loser not gainer when stress visits? How do I keep from completely unraveling?

For me, it’s called finding perspective. Put everything in its place and refocus your outlook. I have to step back from the looming mountain of “oh my heck.” This morning that mountain doubled in size, just since the phone call from Howard. That’s my mechanic.

A long time ago, Oprah did a show on having an attitude of gratitude. As a young overwhelmed mother of two at the time, I guffawed at her suggestion of keeping a gratitude journal and the empowerment it could lead to. I needed a maid, more money and a personal hair stylist. How was writing down stuff going to help?

Then I had another child.

Then we had a one year deployment.

I was struggling with loneliness, stress and a bad attitude. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of three little children, a squeaky tight budget and feeling way too young to be that old, a mother of three and a PTA president. I know, right? The whole PTA president thing… why in the world would I even take that on?

I decided I either had to get my head in the game or get it examined, so what would it hurt to just test the gratitude journal. It didn’t cost anything but effort. And the phrase “keep an attitude of gratitude” was a rhythmic chant going through my brain. That HAD to stop.

So I started writing about five things each day that I was grateful for. My first entry was May 26, 1997. I wrote almost two full pages. I wrote about how much I loved my husband, my children, my mom and dad, and other mushy stuff. I was pretty regular in the beginning. As the deployment progressed and my anxiety grew, gratitude entries started to look more like the following:

Seriously? I don’t even know what to write. But I’m going to write something. I promised Oprah, but I refuse to sit here and come up with five things. I’m tired and this was not my favorite day. 1. My children are breathing, I’m grateful for that. 2. The dog’s gas seems to have gone away, totally thankful for that. 3. And the highlight, I found three Oreo’s those little monsters missed and I am eating them now in my room with the last of the milk. BOOYAH!

I laugh looking back, because I wasn’t kidding when I said the highlight was the cookies. It was like a special gift that I could sit, unmolested by tiny hands and sweet voices asking me to share.

Other than providing great amusement for me today, that practice of finding the good each day did something else than just get me through that long deployment. It began changing the way my brain worked.

Although I have not been diligent in keeping the gratitude journal, I have kept the concept of having an “attitude of gratitude.”

Even during some very difficult moments in our family, we have found ways to smile, even while crying. It doesn’t bring someone back, fix something that is broken or find something that is lost. What it does is help us take a second look at those looming mountains and realize they aren’t quite as steep as we initially thought. Finding the silver lining, or the positive light in a dark day, even if it’s a pen light, refocuses our life lens. More often than not we have found better solutions to our problems than we would have had we just stood around bemoaning our fate.

Thank you, Oprah. I apologize for mocking you all those years ago, even if it was in my own head. I owe you a debt of gratitude for the part you played in helping me move my attitude into the light.

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