By Terri Barnes
Published: July 31, 2012
“No one is talking about this,” said my daughter the day after a gunman killed 12 people at a Colorado movie theater. Over summer vacation, like many college students, she depends on social media to stay connected to classmates scattered across the country.
Many of her friends had texted, Tweeted and posted Facebook remarks liberally sprinkled with exclamation points in anticipation of “The Dark Knight Rises” premiere. She was disappointed that so few of them followed up with comments acknowledging the tragedy that took place during a midnight showing of the Batman sequel in Aurora, Colo.
My children and I talked about going to see the premiere while visiting family in Oklahoma. We even watched the first two entries in the series on DVD in preparation. After the incident, we lost our enthusiasm for seeing the third as an evening’s entertainment.
The shooting was all over the news for at least the first 48 hours. We heard the repetition of meager facts and wild suppositions like everyone else. To my daughter’s chagrin, though, it was not a topic of concern for her peers that the lives of a dozen people ended just because they went to see a movie.
Maybe we all become numb to the numbers of deaths reported on the news.
“Do you know how many troops died overseas last week?” I asked my daughter. Silently, she shook her head, her eyes wide and somber.
“Eleven,” I said. I had heard the count and read their names on a Sunday morning news show. The next week, there were twelve.
Military lives lost in combat are viewed differently than civilian lives lost in public places.
Troops in combat zones face varying degrees of danger knowingly and voluntarily. Suburban moviegoers and their children have a reasonable expectation of safety. But circumstances cannot assuage the pain of loss for the families left behind.
We are shocked by violent and unexpected death, no matter where it occurs. If we are not directly affected, how do we respond? We want to know why this happened. We want to know how it could have happened.
We want answers, but sometimes there are no answers, so we settle for someone or something to blame. In this latest tragedy, some atheists are blaming religion. Some Christians are blaming evolutionary teachings. Others place the blame on a culture of violence-as-entertainment on television, movies and video games.
We could fault the mental health care system, lax gun laws or around-the-clock media coverage that gives fleeting fame to infamous acts.
Perhaps what we really want is distance from the tragedy. If we can just figure out whose fault it is and why it happened, we can explain to ourselves why it won’t happen to us or to our children.
By Terri Barnes
Published: July 25, 2012
It’s 10 a.m. on a weekday morning: My mom and I walk into our favorite coffee shop in my rural Oklahoma hometown. Doris, one of the co-proprietors, looks up and waves. She’s used to me showing up every few months when I’m in town. She usually greets me with a hug, but this morning she’s otherwise engaged, learning a new coffee-making technique via smartphone.
My hometown is a military town, so even though the setting is rural, the atmosphere is not insular. It’s a crossroads of small-town sameness and military mobility. The combination is especially evident at my favorite coffee shop, where the espresso is strong, the fudge is homemade and the walls are lined with military unit patches from around the world.
By Terri Barnes
Published: July 10, 2012
I’m taking the quintessential military spouse vacation this summer. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Husband has a TDY at a desirable location – in this case desirable for proximity to loved ones, including our oldest son. Mom and remaining offspring load up and drive cross-country with stops to see more family and friends across nine states. Meet up with husband, who takes a few days of leave after TDY. Dad flies back to return to work. Mom and kids spend another week or two with extended family, then hit the road to for the journey home.
Because our trip will involve several days of highway travel, the kids and I have been considering how we’ll pass the time.
By Terri Barnes
Published: July 4, 2012
I often write about service to our country and support for the military, which takes many forms. In response to some recent columns about journalists, actors and other public figures who have offered their support, here’s what readers have to say:
Thank you for a beautifully written article (Spouse Calls, April 17) about a man so many of us admired. At a time when sensationalism and Hollywood gossip sadly passes itself off – and is widely accepted – as journalism, it's important to have an occasional reality check on what true journalism looks like. I can think of no better example than Ernie Pyle, and if a single reader's curiosity is aroused to want to get to know the man and what he represented, then I'm very grateful to you. Please continue your excellent articles. You have yourself a fan out here.
-- Enrique J. Rivera, FOB Ghazni, Afghanistan
As an Army officer turned Army spouse, I enjoy reading “Spouse Calls” in Stars and Stripes. The column about the Joining Forces initiative (Spouse Calls, May 8) caught my eye. I first checked out the Joining Forces website with interest after having the opportunity last month to talk with Mrs. Deanie Dempsey about military spouse employment.
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