The following are Frequently Asked Questions about sibling support for families with children who have special needs.

I have a child who has special needs and another child that does not have special needs. What can I do to support the siblings of my child with special needs? 

Families with special needs face many challenges.  As parents become involved in the day-to day care of their child with special needs, it is easy to lose sight of the emotional health of their other children. To support all of their children, parents should:

• provide siblings with accurate information about the medical or developmental issues of the special needs child in an age-appropriate and open manner
• involve the other children in the care of their special needs sibling in age-appropriate ways
• spend individual, quality time with all of their children
• discuss their feelings about their brother or sister with special needs
• be as fair as possible and do not show special treatment towards the child with special needs
• consider seeking outside support or getting respite care in order to find more time to spend with the other children
• remind the children that they each have a special role to play in the family  

How do I know how much information to share with the siblings of my child with special needs? 

It is important to give adequate and honest information to siblings about their brother or sister.  When discussing the child with special needs, parents should plan ahead what they are going to say, remain calm, and talk about it in age-appropriate terms.  As children get older, depending on their developmental level, parents can start sharing more information and engaging them in more conversations about their sibling's medical, educational, and other needs or issues. 

While discussing health issues, parents should be prepared to deal with reactions such as grief, anger, and depression.  Parents need to acknowledge the needs of the siblings and work to meet their needs too.  If necessary, parents can seek professional support and guidance through certified counselors or therapists.  Individual and family counseling is available through installation Family Centers or through Military OneSource.  Both of these sources offer trained, educated, and highly skilled counselors to help meet individual family's needs.  

What type of support is available for siblings?   

There are a number of resources available for siblings of children with special needs:

• individual or family counseling through Military OneSource or the installation's Family Center
• group counseling, providing children with a safe place to share experiences and knowledge
• support groups run through a local school, hospital, or Family Center
• national projects that focus on the concerns of siblings of children with special needs such as the Sibling Support Project 

Parents should contact their Family Center's EFMP Manager or call Military OneSource to learn more about specific resources available within their community. 

My children seem embarrassed by their special needs sibling.  What can I do to help them through this? 

Siblings often have complex feelings about their special needs sibling.  Anger, sorrow, jealousy, and embarrassment are all common emotional reactions.  To help siblings address their feelings of embarrassment, parents should:

• acknowledge these feelings and allow the children time to work through them 
• talk to the children about where these feelings are coming from (Are they being teased or bullied at school?  If so, develop a plan to address the issue with the school or the bully's family.)
• encourage their children to invite friends into the home
• make special time for each child and schedule activities that provide children with the  time and opportunity to express their emotions
• have children participate in a support group for siblings to learn how to express feelings and thoughts in a safe, neutral environment
• highlight the positive contributions each member of the family makes and encourage the children to celebrate the family's strengths

How can I tell if my children are feeling stressed or overwhelmed by our family's situation? 

Stress and emotional turmoil can take many different forms in young children.  Even if children say they are fine, it is important to be aware of the ways that stress can manifest itself.  Signs of stress can include:

• problems with sleep
• changes in appetite, behavior, or mood
• feelings of hopelessness or low self-esteem
• poor concentration
• negative self-talk
• increased crying or worrying
• loss of interest in activities
• physical ailments such as headaches or stomachaches 

I am concerned that my children are being teased at school because of their special needs sibling. What can I do to help? 

Parents should encourage children to talk about their feelings and the problems they are facing at school.  Help them develop a plan for responding to bullies and practice how to respond to different situations.  

Parents should also address the issue with their children's teachers, principal, and school counselor.  Discuss concerns and ask the school what they can do to help. Suggest that the school encourage and teach students to have a positive attitude towards people with disabilities.