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Guest column: Wife set on holding together husband damaged by war

By Thomas James Brennan
Published: September 13, 2012

The night started off well enough.

The young couple ate, mingled with friends and posed for pictures at the Marine Corps Ball in Hilton Head, S.C. Then the videos began. They showed the heroic actions of Marines overseas. They were meant to honor them, to remember them, because they had died there.

Melinda, a 26-year-old registered nurse, noticed the change in her husband immediately. She could see that the videos bothered him. He’d avert his eyes from the screen and stare at the wall for minutes at a time. She suggested they leave and he quickly obliged.

The tears came as soon as he reached the car. All he wanted to do, he told Melinda, is call the wives of his dead comrades and say he was sorry. He screamed that he couldn’t take it anymore.

At home, he threw himself onto the kitchen floor and tucked his knees into his chest. The tears were still coming. He babbled aimlessly about guilt and lost comrades.

He reached for a Brillo pad and began to scrub his knuckles raw.

“Completely separated from reality,” Melinda said.

But the message was clear. He felt he had their blood on his hands.

Melinda watched the scene unfold, frightened and unsure what to do. When a servicemember returns home from war damaged — mentally or physically, sometimes both — the spouse is so often called upon to be the backbone of the family, to be the strong one. Melinda had become a victim of the war, too.

Melinda tried to pry the scouring pad away, but she couldn’t do it. Eventually, as the blood pooled on his hands, he let it drop to the floor. All Melinda could do was console him. She assured him that everything was OK, that he was alive for a reason and that his friends’ deaths were not his fault.

Her words brought him back to reality. She laid him in bed, where he cried himself to sleep.

Melinda’s husband deployed again in 2010, to Afghanistan, and he came home with a traumatic brain injury after a rocket-propelled grenade exploded 10 feet away, knocking him unconscious. It affected his balance, his memory, his speech and his mood.

A homecoming celebration, a night on the town with friends, began with laughing and swapping stories at a local bar. After closing time, at an all-night diner, his mood changed suddenly. Overcome with tears, he bolted for the door. She followed.

Like before, he sat in the passenger seat sobbing uncontrollably. She wanted to console him but words were not enough. He told her he just wanted the memories to go away. He told her that he wished he had a shotgun to make the pain go away.

Melinda was stunned. He had never before mentioned suicide. She considered putting him in a hospital.

After that night, at her suggestion, her husband finally began therapy. There was no immediate fix.

He still came home and lied on the couch, sullen and distant. He paid little attention to Melinda or their young daughter.

But slowly he came along, little by little until he began to feel something close to normal and to recognize the heartache he’d put Melinda through.

“I feel like I’ve almost got my husband back,” Melinda said.

Melinda is my wife. I am the broken man in this story.

Therapy is challenging and dragging my wife and daughter through the process is distressing, but their love and support keeps me going. I am trying to find my new self, a new self that is a better husband and father.

I resented my wife for hanging around, for not abandoning me when all I wanted was to be left alone. I was numb. Her commitment has turned into a debt that I strive to repay. We are finally growing closer again and are redefining our relationship.

For a long time, I felt nothing. Now, the love I have for my wife and daughter is something I can feel. Desiring daily solitude is a thing of the past, and I am finally becoming the husband and father I once was and that they deserve.

Mixed jobs news for veterans in August

By Leo Shane III
Published: September 7, 2012

WASHINGTON – The unemployment rate for young veterans took a significant step backwards last month, rising to 10.9 percent and countering what had been positive post-military jobs news for most of 2012.

Administration officials and veterans advocates have warned about putting too much emphasis on the monthly Bureau of Labor Statistics figures, stating that the overall trend among Iraq and Afghanistan era veterans looking for work is still encouraging.

VA: Battle buddies can help fight obesity in vets

By Leo Shane III
Published: September 7, 2012

WASHINGTON — Veterans Affairs researchers are finding that battle buddies can help save lives, even when it comes to fighting obesity.

Dr. Michele Heisler, a VA physician and director at the Michigan Center for Diabetes Translation Research, said officials have found that veterans struggling with obesity and diabetes are more likely to follow physicians’ advice, stick to their diets and stay on their medications if they engage in support groups with other veterans. Now outside researchers are looking to see if the same lessons can be applied to civilian populations.

Triumphing over the lingering wounds of war

By Thomas James Brennan
Published: September 5, 2012
vwp-blog
Matthew Brown

A year earlier, Matthew Brown was a Marine fighting in Iraq.

Now he sat at home, a veteran with an endless prescription for pain pills and a new habit of crushing the pills and snorting them as he drank one beer after another. He’d started to cut his forearms with a serrated pocket knife. Feeling otherwise numb, he cut himself to feel something. Anything. 

NFL research grant could help veterans, troops with brain injuries

By Leo Shane III
Published: September 5, 2012
nfl concussion
Cornerback Troy Vincent tackles Atlanta Falcons running back Warrick Dunn in a 2003 NFL game. Vincent, now the NFL's vice president of player engagement, says he was concussed seven times during his NFL career.
Michael Perez/Philadelphia Inquirer/MCT

WASHINGTON – Officials at the Foundation for the National Institutes of Health announced Wednesday that the National Football League has donated $30 million to study the long-term effects of head injuries and other blunt-force trauma, with the goal of finding helping both athletes and the general population.

That includes military personnel and veterans, many of whom suffer the same concussive brain injuries and resulting mental disorders as professional football players.

Romney schedules convention break to see vets

By Leo Shane III
Published: August 27, 2012
Mitt Romney
Republican presidential candidate, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney hosts a small-business roundtable during a campaign stop at Endural LLC, on July 23, 2012, in Costa Mesa, Calif.
Jason Redmond/AP

WASHINGTON – Mitt Romney and his party have a host of pre-election work to do this week in Florida, but the Republican presidential nominee will be taking a 1,000-mile campaign detour to Indianapolis on Wednesday to address the American Legion’s annual veterans convention.

Last month Romney and President Barack Obama delivered stump speeches before the Veterans of Foreign Wars convention in Reno. Obama has taped a message for the American Legion convention, but Romney’s campaign hopes the in-person Indianapolis appearance will give him an edge with the 2.4 million Legion members and the 22 million veterans nationwide.

Pricey VA conferences included $52,000 'Patton' parody video

By Leo Shane III
Published: August 22, 2012

WASHINGTON – House Veterans Affairs Committee officials today posted online the $52,000 parody video of the movie “Patton” used at a pair of expensive, controversial Department of Veterans Affairs conventions in Florida last summer. The events – and their $5 million price tag – are under investigation by Congress and the department’s inspector general.

About 1,800 VA employees attended the four-day events, held in July and August 2011 in Orlando. Officials from the inspector general’s office have said that the conferences were for legitimate training purposes, but appear to have included excessive spending.

 
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