I really enjoyed this David.

Especially the beard and the line 'oysters: for people who couldn't afford proper food, and so were reduced to slurping cold snot from a rock'.

Would have been topical ten years ago

Self-parody?

Jimi Carr might be rubbing off on David a bit.

agree about the atkins, but what kind of fool would go for a bloc party fashion comb over and an unkempt beard?

"cold snot from a rock" is EXACTLY right. Thank you, David!

Good points but terrible beard.

Agreed.

See also, your username.

Lol, rofl, etc..

I like the Beard

Lose the beard, David.
Seriously.

it makes you look as though you're trying to look manly.

I'm a fan, just trying to help.

Snot from a rock, awesome.

I dare say Atkins is unhealthy, with all that dairy and mayonnaise, but at least you don't have to go hungry like on calorie-counting diets.

And besides, there are healthy lo-carb diets like the GI diet that don't pump you full of saturated fat. I've lost 18 pounds on the GI diet and my cholesterol has gone down from 6 to 5.5.

David Mitchell should try it.

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My username has nothing to do with bilbo or frodo,
its just because i have massive bollocks and my names phil.

Not you obviously.

He just not as good as when the Peep Show guys write his stuff.

Good points but terrible beard

No no. He looks much better with a beard. And unlike mine, which is white, you can't see the prominent chin through it. And it grows up the sides of his face; it's a successful beard.

I bet he grew the beard in a vain attempt to obscure the chins. That's why I grew mine.

Well I think his impression of Commander Riker is pretty successful.

Might have been more funny if his voice wasn't so irritating I had to turn it off half way through!

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I am starting to think that the whole point of the British media is to channel money into the bank accounts of David Mitchell... and Steven Fry, of course.

There are other people out here who can do stuff well and rant. Maybe not me, but other people.

Did Victoria make you grow that beard and get that haircut, David?

I think you are very generous, it is an atrocious abomination of a beard and have no idea why anyone would want to wear it.

Thankfully his static image is usually beardless.

Surely he's had a beard before, Mitchell-watchers. Is there more to discuss, beard-wise?
It's the floppy hair that's more of a problem.

Well, I loved David's piece, but it's still true that we eat way too many processed carbohydrates.

Even if we don't try to cut them out completely (which IS bonkers), why don't those of us, like me, who need to lose a few pounds just all agree to cut down.

Beard is not a good look. A clean shave and a haircut would do wonders.

Anyway.

How is bread & butter 'delicious'? I think that's partly why this country is fat and consequently, diet-obsessed. In this country, bread & butter means: cheap, horrible yellow margarine spread on a slice of factory bread. No wonder people are out of shape.

I could understand bread and butter as delicious if you buy a fresh baguette from a boulangerie and spread a good layer of fresh butter you collected off the nearby farm - but in this country, bread & butter really symbolises the lack of a real culture of food.

I can't help noticing that in countries like France and Italy, where proper food is almost a constitutional requirement, people are in better shape. They'd be appalled to learn that people think shitty tasteless margarine spread over fake bread is what passes as delicious in Britain.

David, i so agree with you and I could eat bread and butter to the exclusion of everything else. However, i have to say that when I tried Atkins, the weight fell off. Unfortunately, i couldn't stomach it for long enough (pun every bit intended) and, sadly, it's all gone right back on again due to the utter deliciousness of bread and butter - especially toast

Multi-grain toast with Cornish butter...Yum! I've met the cows that make the milk too!

good bread and butter is a thing of genuine deliciousness

on the whole I do agree that the beard is not a great look for him, but it would be much better without the floppy hair

Eat less, move about more...and grow a beard. I've got a beard and I lost nearly 3 stones!

same old shirt, I see

we don 't all eat cheap horrible margarine (ugh!) and factory bread, but a slice of proper bread and good butter - sublime!

Good beard, bad hair.

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Aren't you about ten years too late for this rant, Dave?

I lost 4 1/2 stone on the Dukan Diet.

damn good diet, if you have the willpower to see it through.

If you eat only vegetables, fruits, milk, with very little bread or rice, you will lose weight too very quickly.

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Butter in bacon sandwich, what madness is this?

I don't think I'll be taking dietary advice from someone with a complexion like that
If you eat paleo and not atkins you can eat all the sweet potatoes vegetables and fruit you want and still lean out like a boss

The hair is distracting. Or maybe I'm just a bit simple. Yeah, that's probably it.

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At last a Mitchell rant on low-carb diets! Atkins is old but the low-carb shit is always on - like the Dukan or Paleo craze. Notice that the followers of such charlatans are like cult members blindly following the leader's ridiculous orders as if it's life's essence, and they defend the system religiously. That fact alone is enough for me to consider these diets as poisonous fashion trends.

The low carb diet indeed works at first, and then fails spectacularly for scientific reasons. Here is information about Protein Sparing Modified Fast diets (aka atkins, dukan, paleo etc bs)

By the way, the problem with the beard is the shortness. He used to look much better with a longer beard before.

What's the name of that diet where you can eat anything you like but drink nothing? Oh yeah, the no-water diet.

Everybody wants to know how funny I find this. I think it's important that I tell them all.

It really is all about me.

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Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown is savoury, white's the treat. Of course I'm the one who's laughing because I actually love brown toast.

The Atkins diet was brought by a heart specialist and flies in the face of perceived medical opinion (hence food industry funded medics hate it) - I say perceived because that is what it is, and that perception has been proved by all solid sceintific studies to be flawed; Atkins was always right on red meat and saturated fat - they protect the heart, the former eg. by CoQ10 content and the latter eg by Vit D content which also protects against cancers and influenza. Full cream milk and cheeses provide Vit A and D as well as Calcium which protect against many diseases, not least measles.

Modern refined carbohydrates increase risk of heart disease as well as diabetes and cancers, so jokes aside Mitchell is way off mark with his preference for (refined - he fails to qualify his carb desires) carbs and of course by evading the organic issue one is open to the potential arena of gene-contaminating GM- foods and food additives.

I believe the main problem with Atkins dieting is that one must not predispose to lenghty periods of fast burn exercise as the generating of glucose from fats (analagous to using diesel instead of petrol) requires different metabolic exchange that is slower burn - hence great fuel for energy maintenance and weight normalisation but not for (what is essentially not a human nor animal natural trait - hence one rarely sees Inuit racing across the tundra) long periods of fast burn activity; for that better stick to high unrefined organic/non-GM carbohydrate as fuel and reasonable fat content (to protect the heart and against cancers) for good health. Those with more sedentary livestyles would probably benefit best from Atkins-based diet.

he does love red and maroon