Age: Up to 11m years old. Ish.

Appearance: Off the coast of Cornwall.

That's no way to talk about my mum. Is she to be found off the coast of Cornwall?

Yes. She goes surfing there every summer. But she is not 11m years old. I never said she was. I was referring to the orcinus orca.

The what? You may know it simply as the "orca".

The what? All right, all right. The killer whale. We're talking about the killer whale.

Ah, the killer whale. Yes.

AARGH! The killer whale! Is everything OK?

There's a killer whale swimming off the coast of Cornwall! Well, there are two, actually – a mother and her calf.

And my mum goes surfing at Newquay every summer! Calm down. They may have been spotted 100 metres from the coast, but they were still 15 miles from Newquay.

But they're killer whales! And there's two of them! Quite so. But their fans would prefer that you called them orcas.

And why's that? Because a) they're technically dolphins …

And b)? They're not killers.

Not killers? Well, they kill fish, and seals and suchlike. But while captive orcas have been known to turn violent, wild killer whales are not considered much of a threat to the likes of us.

Not much of a threat? An orca once killed a Cornish basking shark, and a SeaWorld trainer was eaten last year by one held in captivity. But no wild orca has ever killed a human.

What about my mum? She should be fine if she stays well clear of the orcas and, most importantly, their young.

This is a weight off my mind. You may also be relieved to know that the orcas were probably just passing through.

Where were they going? There's an orca commune off the coast of Scotland – and the pair may live there.

Do say: "Wild orcas are a highly intelligent species that pose little or no threat to human life."

Don't say: "SHAAARK!"