Wonkette
Science proves that there is nothing wrong with people hot-tubbing in the nude near each other, even when one person is 28 and the other person is 15. In spite of this fact, some gal needed $150,000 to “heal” from the painful memory of being naked in a hot tub near Kevin Garn once, a long time ago.
Kevin Garn is Utah’s House majority leader, which means he is conservative as the dickens. So it was horrifying to all when he disclosed that once he had been naked near a lady!
In a shocking statement on the House floor, Kevin Garn, 55, of Layton said he paid her to keep quiet about the incident during his unsuccessful U.S. congressional bid in 2002, but did not have sexual contact with her.
Garn said the woman, who he didn’t identify on the floor, has been calling news outlets and that he wanted to be open about the incident that occurred when he was 28 years old, before any stories appeared.
This is basically the Letterman-extortion plotline, no? Except that David Letterman at least had the decency to have sex with the much younger lady, and also the much younger lady was not the one asking for the hush money, and he didn’t pay the person who wanted the dough. Otherwise, same exact thing!
Garn spoke on last night of the legislative session as a tearful House Speaker Dave Clark and their colleagues looked on.
House members gave him thunderous applause for his honesty and embraced him.
To this day, there is absolutely no proof that Kevin Garn has ever done anything sexual with a woman, which is why he is “the thinking man’s Mitt Romney.”
Republican Paid $150G After Nude ‘Hot-Tubbing’ [AP]
That picture is more than even my jaded mind can take at this hour in the morning.
That picture is horrifying…yet hilarious.
Nobody here but us headless chickens.
Milkoholic, methinks.
SKS, Saderday is coming up. Is the photo baby SKS getting four clucks in the tub to make stock for matzo ball soup?
Needs more fucking.
I was once naked with myself. And I paid myself hush money to never tell anybody.
SNORKEL OR DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Wait, how did this slut end up naked in the bathysphere, and most importantly, did enough time pass to allow the siemens to dissolve?
Ok…had he come clean about this back in the day, he would have been excoriated…but 25 years and a bribe later, he gets hugs and high-fives?
Wait. What? This was 27 years ago? In the Reagan (Golden) Age? And wasn’t he wearing the Magic (Bullet Proof/Milk Bone) underpants (diapers)?
If I were an uptight Xtian fundie being forced to sit next to a naked woman then I guess I’d crying and paying out hush money, too (limits snorkeling opportunities among the brethren.)
She was 15???
Well I guess he probably showed her something more than his space undies.
Paying extortion money to all the underage girls he did have sex with was just bleeding him dry — so he just had to dump the payments to the underage girl he didn’t have sex with.
Oh, and nice picture SKS — I assume that’s the publicity still from the long-lost Eraserhead II — Summer Vacation.
Mormons = headless chickens?
True!
“…a tearful House Speaker Dave Clark…”
So, are all Mormon men blubbering crybabies?
Of topic but funny. I used to teach in an alternative ed highschool. Once a year, we’d take the kids skiing…and the site we’d go to had a hot tub. Some of the kids didn’t care for skiing, but they did like the tub. So, a group of girls and one of our woman teachers were hanging out in the tub (which could have been pretty cool since the tub had a huge window looking out.). At that moment, one of the girls declared that she had herpes.
Hilarity ensues.
150k for one 15 year old? Dude’s obviously never heard of Thailand.
This photograph is an apropos illustration as it reflects the lack of CHICKEN CHOKING possibilities within said hot tub (Because you see the poultries have no necks or head or peckers. Get it? It’s a perfect picture for this story no?…Ok so I’m drinkin’ Old Crow and Pabst at 10:15 am CST, what of it?)
Should have just made her a wife and moved on -
“…conservative as the dickens.” OR, conservative as the chickens??
This is Utah; the scandal is that a 28-year-old man was naked with a 15-year-old, who should belong as one of the wives to an elder at least in his 50s.
At least we once again get the Republican hypocrite cheered for his honesty; if it was a Democrat you’d bet his ass would’ve been forced out.
Damn, I am just waiting now for some chick I drunkenly boned in college to run for congress, I didn’t know its like a bond maturing, you can cash in on your shameful incidents when the other participants get famous.
Headless chickens + Dave Clark = bits and pieces
Silly Utahoos. He thought they were related, which would have made the incident perfectly excusable in his home state. Next time,sir, demand documentation- not for proof of age, but for proof of kinship.
I blame this on the God-hating liberals, probably all Democrats, who made the Mormons give up polygamy. See, in the old days, this guy would have been free to make this little 15 year old an honest woman by marrying her the old fashioned way and adding her to his collection of other under-aged honest women so he could sit in the hot tub with as many of them as would fit, content in the knowledge that he was doing God’s work. But now that we have criminalized everything, he is seen as some kind of exploitative predator. I mean, Jeez, it’s not like he ticked a grown man until he couldn’t breathe or anything.
We need a “Wonkette extortion desk” tag, NOW.
Democratic rep: I have a confession to make — I’ve never cheated on my wife, my children love me are are well-adjusted, and I have never been naked in a hot tub with an underage girl or boy.
Republican reps: Boo, boo! What kind of man are you? Boo, boo!
State Senator Henrickson approves, as long as they later get sealed in the eyes of Heavenly Father, in the backyard by the pool.
WHAT DID THEY KNOW AND WHEN DID THEY KNOW IT????
True story, I forwarded the chicken picture, just the picture, to a coworker (must carefully sanitize anything which would alert coworkers to my identity here and allow them to read anti-american, perverted, twisted, sick, immoral commie stuff I write), and he responded with “without any heads there is no “yapping.”
Ha ha ha, those chicks, always with the yapping. Stifle yourself, Edith.
This is good news for Roman Polanski.
The male is the big brown one, right?
I hope no one choked on any chicken bone.
Dashboard_Buddha: Having your buddies cheer after you tell them how you hooked up with a hot 15-year-old is only acceptable when you’re also a teenage kid; with powerful guys in their 50s it is incredibly creepy. Not that Utah isn’t creepy already.
southern mark smith: Heh. But damn, I was hoping to make a Dave Clark pun, but couldn’t think of anything.
Prommie: Did you tell him to keep fucking that chicken, then?
Mr Blifil: Conservative semen starts out as “genetic slush” and quickly degenerates into “DNA slurry” so the possibility of impregnation is nearly 0.
It does seem to leave an oily ring around the tub and the faint smell of rotten eggs though…
Naked in the hot tub with a minor … this guy is like the Roman Polanski of Utah, only talentless and more boring!
Republican state senator announces naked hot tubbing with live girl? Sounds like he’s announcing his candidacy for U.S. Senate.
Dashboard_Buddha: At least it didn’t include John McCain with his tongue sticking out. I still wake up with the night sweats over that gif.
My god, people. At least it was a GIRL!
In Utah, men pay girls to not have sex with them! One of the many crazy cultural differences in the conservative world.
“House members gave him thunderous applause for his honesty and embraced him in the statehouse sauna.”
That’s more like it.
CHICKS OR GTFO.
Prommie: assuming you can remember who you drunkenly boned. I for one kept meticulous records, if only I could find them *drinks*.
Fucking hypocritical Mormons. What else is new?
blkblt: I am tracking them down on the Facebooks.
I’m glad I don’t live in Utah anymore.
JMP: Wasn’t it Dave Clark who sang a song about being “Glad All Over??”
Dashboard_Buddha: Those chickens look like salmonella colonies.
Like a conservative would have sex with an underaged girl.
proudgrampa: JMP: Yes, that would have been a better pun. Sorry.
Would you blame me if I told you I didn’t believe his story?
For $150k, I wouldn’t have sex with him in a hot tub, either.
Everything labeled with “Republican” — the URL, the headline, the story body — should say “Democrat”.
Fail, FoxNews!!!
Prommie: You should see if John Cusack and Rob Corddry will let you borrow their Hot Tub Time Machine.
(It opens March 26…)
This is all Obama’s fault and I’ll wait to get my explanation why from Fox News tonight.
snideinplainsight: I’m with you - How damn ugly would a girl have to be to get naked with her in a hot tub and NOT bang her. American Beauty was just a movie, for Christ’s sake - and I’ll bet Kevin Spacey boned ole what’s her name off set anyway!
Sorry,
…and NOT bang her?
Fixed.
GoinGreen: Hell, I’d not have sex with him in a hot tub for, say, $100k.
Kevin, call me, OK? Just call me!
Help me out here — it was a “spur of the moment” thing; they just “worked in a warehouse together.” What kind of warehouse has a hot tub? Or maybe it was a really, really long spur? Ya gotta love a state where they wink at a guy with six wives (three of ‘em underage), but think about canning a pol who disrobed in a spa four centuries ago. Pluto may not be another planet, but Utah might be.
snideinplainsight: I can just see it in 2012, “Eliot Spitzer for President - all he did was bang a hot hooker!!”
lawrenceofthedesert: It doesn’t count as cheating if Pluto was a planet at the time.
So, he was naked in a hot tub with a 15 year old girl, but nothing sexual happened. He’s gay.
GoinGreen: And Spacey’s gay, and he still probably boned her.
The other difference is that, unlike Letterman, I, for one, would be happy to produce this screen play.
On hearing that he had once been authentically attracted to a human female the house republicans, with tears of respect and awed rose to their feet and applauded.
PS: $150,000 in hush money. Edwards, Ensign. Who are these people? I have never known bigger losers in my life. Insecure, power desperate, sad, stupid men.
comicbookguy: What about Uranus?
gurukalehuru: Nothing sexual happened between him and the girl. She just happened to be there watching him bone her 15 year old boyfriend. So she wins $150,000.
PS: another question. 15 year old girls work at warehouses? Warehouses with hot tubs? Was it a hot tub warehouse? You know when a story is this weird a lot of details are being left out.
PPS: so I assume she’s now going to jail? Why was it a “nightmare” for her? Can a dick be so small that it traumatizes upon sight?
150k in 2002 dollars is like $4.26 million in today’s one-world currency that Obama has made us adopt as part of his plan to exterminate the whites.
as for this ute:
on one hand, this guy definitely schtupped the young-un. on the other, yeah, it’s Utah. he just bought himself a lifetime of elective office and put to bed any doubts about his conservative credentials.
i’m not pro-kiddie fucking, but this did happen a very long time ago. at the end of the day, this dumb kiddie fucker is no smarter now than he was in 2002 or 1983.