METRO COLUMNISTS

As with Austin crazyman Joseph Stack III, there's a race on to pigeonhole the Pentagon shooter's politics.

Right-wing extremist? Anti-government libertarian?

I hate to bring this up again, since I'm stilling getting pissy e-mails from people irate that I called the Fort Hood shooter a "nut with a gun" instead of a Muslim jihadist. Do we really hate one another's smoking guts so much that some established political group has to field the blame everytime some wack job blows a transformer?

This guy was anti-government - in part, it's being reported, because he favored unrestricted immigration and pot use, issues which do not quite fit the "right wing extremist" model.

Here's a tip in pondering this guy, Stack, the Fort Hood gunman, and others of similar stripe: Ideology-wise, they're difficult to typecast BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY.

The big difference between me and any of these guys is not how we voted in the last election. The big difference is that THEY ARE CRAZY and I'm not.

The Shape of Things (at the Wyly Theatre)

Titillating, damaging, sad. Sexual manipulation at its best -- or worst.

I was always jealous of kids whose parents paid them for good grades on report cards.

Dad could be a bit hard-nosed about such things. "Why should I pay you for doing what you're supposed to be doing anyway?" he reasoned.

But Newsweek reports in its current issue that some Texas programs to pay kids for good grades paid off in real academic gains. This is according to the first long-term study of cash incentives.

Jay Leno got a shot in on Texans in his Tonight Show monologue last night.

He noted that Bill White had won the Democratic nomination for Texas governor over Farouk Shami.

Then Leno went into feigned shock.

"Who could have seen that coming???" he gasped. "Imagine! Texans electing a white guy named White over a Pakistani-born businessman named Farouk Shami! It's like the world is upside down! Crazy!"

Shami is Palestinian born, but I guess you can't let that get in the way of a good joke.

Yee-haw.

This just in: The local weather 65 1/2 million years ago was very, very bad. This is due to our proximity to the Gulf of Mexico, where a new coalition of scientists now agrees a seven-mile-wide asteroid slammed into the planet. This, they say, set off earthquakes, tsunamis, wildfires, and a lingering "thermal winter" that killed off half the species on earth, including all the dinosaurs.

I have been complaining loudly about the pollen count, but I'll concede that it could be worse.

OK, here's something a little different.

The Dallas Opera is putting out a call for good climbers. You don't have to sing, just climb through the rigging of a stage-bound ship in an upcoming production of Moby Dick.

We need men with a slim to medium build, ages 16 and up who are able and willing to climb a truss up to 30 feet in the air without hesitation. They should have absolutely no fear of heights. No previous opera/theatre experience necessary.

Details after the jump.

My alma mater, A&M-Commerce, has a sticky little situation on its hands, to be sure.
Seems the school's head football coach has what can best be described as some misplaced values. How else can you explain his inexplicable defense of the theft of campus newspapers by some of his players?
After it came to light some of his players had stolen papers off racks around campus to keep folks from seeing an embarrassing story about two players arrested in a drug bust, Guy Morriss actually had the audacity to say he was "proud" that players had lifted the papers.
"I'm proud of my players for doing that," Morriss said, according to a campus police report. "This was the best team-building exercise we have ever done."
Oh, my.
I'm glad to see that the school's relatively new president, Dan Jones, who has been described as a friend of student media, is taking this very seriously. Also delighted to see that Athletic Director Carlton Cooper, whom I met while he was at SMU, is working diligently to get the coach's head back on straight.
"We have a tremendous respect for our school newspaper and the students who produce it and freedom of speech. We are sorry that this happened. We have cooperated and assisted the campus police with their investigation. We will learn from this situation."
We'll see if Morris survives this regrettable episode. Sure makes recruiting a lot tougher.
By the way, as a former editor of The East Texan, I'm proud to see how current editor James Bright, of Rockwall, is standing up to power. (Yes, even on small campuses the football coach carries a lot of weight, figuratively speaking.)

The sun is shining and Rangers baseball is back on the air today. All is well.

The first game of spring training begins at 2:05 p.m. You can listen on KRLD-FM (105.3) or stream it online here.

Let's go, Rangers. Make Nolan proud.

True to type, low-key hero pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger retires today with a minimum of drama. The Denison native whose skill and levelheadedness saved a planeload of passengers last year hangs up the winged cap after 30 years as a commercial pilot.

In other aviation news, the FAA announced that it will no longer allow children to direct commercial air traffic, following disclosure that a controller let his precocious tyke issue instructions to jets at JFK last month.

Cute! What if it was take-your-kid-to-work day on the date Sullenberger's US Air flight ran into trouble?

SULLY: Hit birds, we lost thrust in both engines, we're turning back to LaGuardia.

TOWER: Do you think Spiderman can beat up Batman?

SULLY: I don't know if we can make any runway.

TOWER: Billy Wetzel threw up in the cafeteria yesterday. Miss Nolan got throwup on her feet and she said a bad word.

SULLY: We're gonna be in the Hudson.

TOWER: Can you fly your airplane over my school?

SULLY: (No transmission)

TOWER: I have to peepee.

Actually, I've been a little under the weather lately, yet I find cause for good cheer:

Steve Ott is keeping his job. And Don McLeory isn't.

In a comment today, Pat Greenberg asks for opinions on a controvery over at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Sports columnist Gil LeBreton compared the Vancouver Olympic games to the 1936 Berlin games. Here's the column.

My take: Comparing anyone to Hitler or anything to Nazi Germany is the nuclear option in writing or speaking. And you just don't have to go there. Perhaps a passing reference would have made LeBreton's point. But he sure didn't need to lead and close the column with it.

Here is LeBreton's kinda, sorta apology.

I was fairly confident that voters in state House District 100 would fight through the local political fog and cast their lot with Eric Johnson, a West Dallas product with a remarkable story to tell --- thus far.

Now, I don't know what kind of politician Johnson ultimately will be. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. But he strikes me as someone who's willing to listen, who won't be arrogant enough to stiff-arm everyday people or their concerns -- as some of the operatives working against Johnson seemed to be suggesting.

Some political observers, including Dallas County Democratic Party Chairwoman Darlene Ewing, were of the mind that fallen incumbent Terri Hodge -- soon to be sentenced in connection with the Dallas City Hall public corruption scandal -- might win more votes, although she's ineligible to serve. That would've been a shame for Johnson and, frankly, for the city.

But Johnson took a commanding lead early and never looked back. He won an overwhelming share of the vote.

I supect the voters will come to appreciate Johnson's talents soon enough. He's one to watch, for sure.

We got a scare last night. Our son and family came over for dinner. As we were getting things ready, our 20-month-old granddaughter fell off a low stool, bumped her head and started to cry.

She STARTED to cry but didn't accomplish it. She threw her mouth wide open in one of those soundless screams, neither breathing in nor out.

I kept thinking she would catch her breath and really let out a wail any moment. But she didn't. She held that silent scream until she started turning blue and then went limp -- passed out cold.

It was so scary. About the time I was ready to call 911, we noticed that though still unconscious Maggie was breathing again. And her eyes quickly blinked open.

After a moment of disorientation, the real crying began. And our hearts started beating again.

Maggie has done this two or three times now. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

The doctor has told Corey and Allyson it's nothing to worry about. But that's easier said than done.

We ate dinner with jangled nerves.

Predictably, there was huge reaction to my recent column about Ernesto, the illegal immigrant who sometimes helps me with chores at home.

Many feel he and all other mojados (Spanish slang for illegals -- literally, "wet ones") ought to be arrested and deported immediately. Given that we need their labor, I say we'd be crazy to deport people like Ernesto who have already proven themselves to be reliable, hard-working and clean-living.

Those favoring deportation will almost always bring up crime as one of their reasons. But as columnist Steve Chapman pointed out in an op-ed column last week, crime has dropped dramatically in the United States at the very time that illegal immigrants have flooded in.

I strongly believe that we do have to stop illegal immigration. I just don't believe crime is a reason. And I don't think mass deportation is a prerequisite.

My wife was listening to KISS-FM (106.1) this morning about 7 when she said the station manager made a brief statement apologizing for something said or done last night by DJ Billy The Kid. He said the DJ would be off the air while the incident is investigated.

Did anyone else hear that? Was it real or a joke? Lori thought it sounded real.

More importantly, did anyone hear what aired on the station last night?

I've searched around a bit online this morning but can find no mention of anything.

Usually when I'm stumped by a word, it's at least one that I've seen before or have some vague impression about.

But I was stone cold out of luck with a word encountered in an essay in Sunday's Points section. A college professor wrote about her joy of hanging out with students.

I love watching them bricolage their way out of adolescence into adulthood, trying on and discarding self-images, life plans and loves like American Eagle hoodies.

I did a lot of stuff in adolescence, but I'm pretty sure I never particpated in any bricolage. Not in Tyler.

OK, it's not as exotic as it sounds. Bree-ko-LAZH is the process of making something from whatever materials are available at hand. It can also refer to the thing made in that way.

I think the professor took liberty by using it as a verb. It's a noun.

The sandwiches I bring for lunch are often a bricolage of whatever I find in the refrigerator that morning.

I happened to be listening to KRLD (1080 AM) this morning when the station's new meteorologist, Krista Villarreal, made her debut.

If the name is familiar, she worked several years ago at TV station KXAS (Channel 5) and has been subbing lately at KDAF (Channel 33) for Rebecca Miller. In the interim, she was a TV forecaster in Pittsburgh.

Looks from her bio like she's got real weather credentials. But it will take awhile to earn Brad Barton kind of weather credibility.

Let me say right up front that, all along, I've felt more sympathy for car dealer Ricky Robertson than anyone else connected with Big D's big-time public corruption scandal. And I suspect Robertson will get a lighter sentence than anyone else. Just a gut feeling.

Robertson faces up to 30 years and he's before the judge for sentencing today.

So far, my gut's been right on this. I was telling some colleagues last week that I figured former Mayor Pro Tem Don Hill would likely get in the 10-20 range, in large part because he's the big fish, the elected official who violated the public's trust the most. Hill was sentenced to 18 years in the pokey. And D'Angelo Lee, Hill's appointee to the City Plan Commission, got 14.

Now, I also said that if the sentences ended up in the 7-10-year-range, I wouldn't have been shocked, mainly because the feds could never trace the money back to Hill's pockets and, arguably, the gig was up before the conspirators could get a full head of steam. Hill's wife, I figured, would end up with about 7 years, but Sheila Hill got slightly more --- a 9-year-sentence.

So, here's the big question, the one my gut may be wrong about. I've thought all along -- based on testimony I sat through and government evidence presented -- that Darren Reagan would take the hardest fall. So, will Reagan's sentence rival that of Hill's? I suspect it will.

I'll let U.S. District Judge Barbara Lynn finish her work before I wax eloquent about the punishment later this week. So I'm curious what you, dear law-abiding readers, have to say about the matter.

From where I sit, Lynn seems to be doling our very measured, reasonable sentences.

In catching some of the Olympics closing ceremonies last night, as well as the Canadian tourism commercials, I kept being surprised at all the famous people who are Canadian.

They look so much like regular people.

Here's a celebrity list compiled by one proud but not famous Canadian.

The Hurt Locker (A Best Picture Oscar nominee, now available on DVD)

Incredibly tense bomb scenes. But who forgot to add plot?

Sunday's OT gold medal win for Canada was an honorable loss for the US team, which put up a fierce fight in the Olympic's final event.

I have to admit that, for me, there was no real loser here. It would have been nice to see the U.S. win the gold, but I have a sentimental fondness for Canadian players: It is, after all, their game. Canadians claim to have invented the sport; their kids start playing as soon as they can stand upright on skates; the entire country huddles around its collective TV sets on game nights. Amreicans have such excess - baseball, football, basketball, dog frisbee, tamale-eating contests and so forth. Canadians have pucks.

Years ago, I visited the Hockey Hall of Fame in Tornoto. "Hockey," a spokesman there told me with soulful earnestness, "is Canada's gift to the world."

Isn't that nice? Other nations have certaintly submitted less worthy gifts.

So I sat up at attention and sang along when the winning team sang "Oh Canada" (I know the words from visiting Canadian teams at Stars games). Of course, that's only one of Canada's national anthems. This is the other one.

Got an extra hand to spare? How about an unused arm or leg?

They're conducting a "limb drive" Sunday afternoon at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children, seeking old prosthetics that can be refitted for earthquake victims in Haiti.

This event is also a photo op for ABC's Extreme Home Makeover television program, which may include some footage of the drive for a makeover they are doing in East Texas at the moment.

If you're a fan of the show, I'm told that Paige Hemmis will be on hand.

The event is 2 to 4 p.m. in the hospital atrium, 2222 Welborn St. in Dallas.

In what may be the most attention women's hockey has ever received, a bunch of people are shrieking and clawing their heads over the Canadian Olympic team's impromptu celebration Thursday.

After winning their third straight gold medal, celebrating team members spilled back out onto the ice after spectators had left the arena. They wallowed for a while in the thrill of victory, mugging for photos - and drinking beer! And smoking cigars! There are even shocking rumors of unauthorized Zamboni-driving!

Instant scandal! IOC head Freds are all huffy. Hockey Canada apologizes. Dark hints of an investigation abound.

Oh, for Pete's sake. They were excited. They were celebrating. Spectators had left the building. And it might have been their last chance.

ESPN discussion here over whether the wailing-and-gnashing would have been so severe had it been a men's team (Answer: No). Memo to Skip Bayless: Keep your shirt on, dude.

Low voter turnout has long been a topic of concern in the Latino community.

And now we see its effect again... on American Idol.

Sorry about that, Joe Munoz and Ashley Rodriguez. Little voter support meant you were among the first finalists to go.

It is astounding that four of the remaining 10 men are from the Greater DaFoWo area.

It's a relief that public airports have finally caught on that the Sartre-esque torment of waiting for a flight is eased if you can kill time by eating, drinking and buying stuff

A model in this respect is D/FW Airport's dandy Terminal D, with its pricey but varied retail options and its non-linear layout. Some of us remember the grim olden days when D/FW had a seemingly eternal single-vendor contract, a grim totalitarian affair that pretty much limited your dining options to a vile hot dog and an eight-ounce cup of lukewarm off-brand beer - a dismal meal that would cost you about $14.

As part of its massive post-Wright Amendment expansion, Love Field will expand its currently modest concession offerings, capturing more of that let's-just-eat-at-the-airport market. They're talkiing about Texas-flavored chains like On the Border and Whataburger, as well as the unavoidable Starbucks.

While they're contemplating, I wish they would also make a run at Herrera's, Shiner, Czech Stop, and, above all else, Buc-ees. Also, a pancake house with six flavors of syrup in a little carousel on every table would be nice.