TV

SPOILER ALERT! Avert your eyes if you don't want to know what happened on tonight's episode of 24.

OK, I'm just gonna come right out and say it: This season of 24? Not. So. Exciting. You know it's a slow episode when the best line is Jack's (Kiefer Sutherland) seething "Have you no decency?" directed at CTU honcho Brian Hastings (Mykelti Williamson). And really, that would be a great line, if it hadn't been stolen from U.S. Army attorney Joseph Welch, who asked it of Sen. Joseph McCarthy during the McCarthy hearings in 1954. Yes, the evening's best line was 56 years old.

PHOTO by Kelsey McNeal/Fox: Katee Sackhoff (left) and Mary Lynn Rajskub in 24

So clearly -- CLEARLY -- Rozyln is lying about her relationship with the producer dude who has since been fired. Chris might as well have said: "Coming up, we'll talk to the most dramatic, least-believable liar in Bachelor history."
That's all fine and good; I think we all expected that. What I didn't expect was for her to attack Chris Harrison. That's not allowed! It might even be illegal in the state of California. If it's not, it should be.
"Riddle me this, Chris," she had the audacity to say. "There are cameras all over the place and you somehow missed the biggest scandal of the season?" (Yeah, because the other person involved in said scandal knew where the cameras were and were not. Duh. Riddle solved.)
Another dig: "If you're going to sit there and ask me a question, you're gonna calm down and let me answer it. OK?"
She then said her producer boyfriend told her that Chris was "hitting on his wife in New Zealand." (Wait -- so the guy's married?? Surely she meant ex-wife.)
"I clearly won't dignify that with a response," Chris replied.
No worries; our esteemed host came out looking like a rose in this battle. When Rozyln condescendingly said, "Chris, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time understanding" her convoluted story, his response went a little something like this:
"I have kids, and oftentimes when my son is going off on an elaborate story about unicorns and magicians, I sit him down and say, 'Son, isn't the simplest story the truth?'"
Applause and cheers all around. Rozlyn clearly messed with the wrong reality-show host.

After she watched the show and realized how over-the-top mean and catty she was toward Vienna, Ali basically admitted that she was embarrassed by it all. She also asked everyone to support Vienna, "because she's getting trashed in the tabloids. She's a person, we all lived with her, and no one deserves that. Vienna, if you're watching, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the things I said, and I'm sorry it turned out that way. And stay strong."
OK, fine. That was decent of her.

I'd like to nominate the insecure swimsuit model over Ali for the next Bachelorette.
About not being able to tell Jake how she felt about him, Gia said she regrets it.
"i thought maybe by some slim chance he knew who I really was and how I felt without me really saying," said Gia, wearing the prettiest, most sparkly purple dress ever. "I was so closed in the past; I never wanted to talk about feelings."
Now? "I've really learned to express myself. The next guy I meet, I'm telling him how I feel."
Unless contractually obligated not to as The Bachelorette, of course. (Hopefully.)

As Chris introduced the ladies tonight, the applause for Ali was, by far, the loudest. I do not get this. She strikes me as manipulative and self-centered, but perhaps I'll be proven wrong. Once she becomes The Bachelorette, I mean. Because you and I both know where this is going.

Actually, I think the full title of this episode is The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love "The Women Tell All." But I think we're allowed to shorten.
As the show started, Chris Harrison recalled the brouhaha over Rozlyn and the staffer as "the most shocking television scandal of 2010." Ah, hyperbole: Where would The Bachelor be without you? I mean, how can they call this the most shocking television scandal of 2010 when we're only two months into 2010? But that's why we love The Bachelor (and The Bachelorette) as much as we do. It's the most adorably cheesy show in the history of all television programming.

Sigh. We miss him already.
In a conference call with reporters on Thursday, Simon Cowell was witty, playfully boastful, smart and - contrary to what you might think - very nice to all of us on the line. The number-one topic of discussion: Who could replace him on the show?
Most of the nation seems to think that no one is up to the job. Asked how that feels, Simon laughed. "It's very, very flattering and I really do appreciate it," he said, "but like I said before, the show goes on. And I'm going to feel sad about it when it all ends. But yes, it's much nicer to be popular than unpopular."
Read on for his predictions about this season, the Howard Stern rumor and his feelings toward one Paula Abdul. (Among other topics.)

What if you held a press conference and nobody was invited to come -- would you still make a sound? That's a question nobody asked, but Tiger answered it anyway at a Friday morning event where almost no one and certainly not journalists were invited.

Technically, pre-approved members of three news organizations were allowed to attend, but nobody was allowed to ask questions. Tiger just talked (and talked) in a speech that lasted about 13 minutes. You can watch it here

One of the Dallas area's four American Idol semifinalists squeaked into the elite group when another singer was declared ineligible to continue, The Associated Press reports.

Tim Urban, a 20-year-old college student from Duncanville, replaced Chris Golightly in the top 24 this week, officials from the Fox TV show said.

Here's more from the AP story:

Fox didn't elaborate on why Golightly was dropped, but a person close to the show said he failed to disclose that he'd had a music contract. All contestants are asked about that because singers with current deals are barred from competing.

Golightly, a 25-year-old shoe salesman from Los Angeles, couldn't immediately be reached for comment.

The change was apparent to viewers, since the curly-haired Golightly was seen among the 24 semifinalists on stage toward the end of Wednesday's episode but was not in a shot of the 12 male singers who are advancing, which included Urban.

Also: Source: 'Idol' semifinalist bumped over 'veracity'

The ghosts of seasons past are haunting Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. The smooth-running Heroes tribe was fractured Thursday night by another immunity loss and shifting alliances.

Read on for who's out.

On episode six of Project Runway's seventh season, we got to watch the designer-competitors try to cope with a horde of kids skipping and shrieking through their sewing room. Kids are apparently kryptonite in the fashion world as most of the designers recoiled in fear or horror when Heidi Klum introduced the single-digit set as this week's models. All but the eventual winner, Seth Aaron Henderson. Not coincidentally the father of a young daughter, he responded with glee to the challenge and designed a fun, cute and hip hoodie outfit.

And another season, another Heidi Klum baby. Apparently, in her fashion world, one day you're in, the next you're pregnant.

As each of the finalists was given the good news, it was interesting to see how they interacted -- or didn't -- with the judges. I think their first inclination was to give Ellen and Simon and the gang a hug, but some didn't even attempt it out of fear or respect or being too starstruck.
Others made a move toward them but then flinched, as if hit by an invisible celebrity forcefield. "Can I hug you?" they timidly asked. Sure, come on over.
The most confident of the bunch sprang right up and went for the warm embrace. But only one -- Big Mike Lynche -- dared to pick them up off their feet. Which may have crossed the line just a teeny bit.

Of the American Idol Top 24, a whopping four come from our neck of the woods. That's kind of incredible.
But poor Tim Urban of Duncanville received very little love on this episode. Everybody else at least got a definitive name shout-out by Ryan, but Tim was only shown hugging people with joy. Like, for a split-second.
So I didn't even realize he'd made it through until the end, when the 24 are forced to dance in dorky fashion. So good for Tim, and good for Alex Lambert of North Richland Hills. They join Arlington's Todrick Hall and Fort Worth's Casey James for next Wednesday's live show. (The girls -- none of whom we can claim -- take the stage Tuesday.)
Your remaining 24 are as follows:
- Lilly Scott of Denver, who sports either lavender hair or gray, depending on the angle;
- Paige Miles;
- Siobhan Magnus;
- Michelle Delamor;
- Jermaine Sellers (my son's pick to win it);
- John Park;
- Haeley Vaughn; and
- Andrew Garcia (my pick to win it, at least for now).
Along with all of the merriment, there was plenty of sadness in this episode. Angela Martin, the single mom with the disabled daughter who has tried out three times, seemed to me like a sure thing when she walked up to the judges' stage. Especially after Kara asked to cozy up to her on her chair (forcing Angela to sit on the arm of it. Nice). So of course she made it, right? They love her! No -- it was the end of the road. That all seemed a bit cruel.
Then we have Thaddeus Johnson of Oklahoma. The final spot was going to either him or Andrew Garcia, so most of us fans at home assumed it would be bad news for Thaddeus. It was and he sobbed. I mean, from the gut.
"I did everything I could," he said through the tears. "They said there was nothing wrong with me."
That, friends, has got to hurt.

The first eight singers getting the great news tonight include:
- Orlando resident Janell Wheeler (who's rumored to be dating NFL star Tim Tebow);
- Tyler Grady, who looks, sounds and moves like he's a time-traveler from 1974 (which is AWESOME, in my opinion - Idol has never had anyone quite like him before);
- Lacey Brown, who got as far at the top 50 last season;
- Ashley Rodriguez (whom they've said little about since her first audition);
- North Richland Hills dude Alex Lambert (that makes three for the DFW area -- a record, perhaps?);
- Joe Munoz (sorry, I know nothing about him);
- Crystal "Mama Sox" Bowersox, who is destined to go far on this little show; and
- Katie Stevens, whose grandmother has Alzheimer's. "To be in the top 24 and for her being able to see me succeed -- that's just what I want," she said.
How could you not be happy for Katie. Or for any of these seemingly sweet people, actually.

April 13, otherwise known as the return of the Fox-tastic musical-comedy-drama Glee, is still a couple months away. But the network kindly offers this little taste-tease to tide fans jones-ing for a fresh batch of the show. Click here for a short promo of the upcoming season. My favorite moment: dragon-queen coach Sue Sylvester (played by the priceless Jane Lynch) critiquing her cheerleaders' performance of a routine to a Madonna song, I think it's Get into the Groove: "Somewhere in the English countryside, in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping."

Spoiler alert: Avert your eyes if you don't want to know what happened on Tuesday's episode of Lost.

First, I give you GuideLive TV editor Samantha Urban's Lost haiku for the week:

All about John Locke.
Hurley, Rose and Ben help out.
Look! Names on the wall!

As Sam notes, Lock (Terry O'Quinn) completely dominated this episode, in all of his incarnations -- on the island as Smokey-Evil Locke, on the island as Dead Locke, and in Sideways World, back home in his wheelchair and seeming very, very sad. Once again, Terry O'Quinn just knocked it out of the ballpark, putting him in strong contention to win another Emmy Award for the role (Michael Emerson, who plays Ben Linus, is the only other Lost actor to have won an Emmy, but he hasn't had much to do this season -- yet).

PHOTO: Terry O'Quinn as John Locke

We'll get the remaining 17 tomorrow night. But for now, here's who the judges deemed worthy of further fame:
- Personal trainer and new dad Michael "Big Mike" Lynche;
- Waitress Didi Benami, who has a very Brooke-White vibe about her;
- Curly-haired blonde Katelyn Epperly, the best-dressed of the evening (purple knee-highs! jaunty hat! most adorable red-belted dress in all the land!);
- Fort Worth's ultra-hunky Casey James, proving he's more than just shirtless eye candy for Kara. (We learned tonight that he's originally from Cool, Texas. I had to Google this place just to verify that it was real.);
- Florida's Aaron Kelly, giving inspiration to anyone who's endured a dysfunctional childhood like this cute teen has;
- Lee Dewyze, accused of lacking confidence but squeaking by nonetheless (and looking like he might just pass out at the news); and
- Todrick Hall of Arlington. The previews made it seem like the ultra-confident performer would be cut, but they were just teasing. He's so in.
Any surprises or disappointments so far from you fine people out there? I would've liked to have seen Shelby Dressel move on; her rendition of "More Than a Feeling" gave me chills. But what can I do about it. Nothing.

Room Two is heading home. That means we've lost locals Hope Johnson and Lloyd Thomas (along with bossy Mary Powers and the Tennessee cop), but what can you do. This "surprise" was a no-brainer.

This group includes Dallas dockworker Lloyd Thomas and Arlington's Hope Johnson. Judging from the footage they've shown us, all hopefuls sitting on that stark floor should be worried. (But the producers could just be messin' with us. It happens.)

The California worship pastor's version of Coldplay's "Nobody Said it Was Easy" was beautifully hauting. Meanwhile, there's Mary Powers. Confident, in-your-face, rocker-chick Mary Powers.
"I'm not intimidated by the competition," she said. Oh, Lord. Famous last words.