Back in April, this was on Tyler after talking to two separate parties about a Lindsay Lohan sex tape.
Very obviously, Lindsay Lohan isn’t gonna get gangbanged in a rented out bowling alley (that’s not a euphemism for her vagina by the way), but she can choose some guy she likes, fly to a resort and get on her knees while he films it.
Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie project is said to be “dynamite” - but she’s praying no one ever gets to see it…
The Mean Girls star, 23, is bracing herself for the internet release of a sexplicit video file which shows her engaging in, ahem, “adult activity”.
A 47-second tape of Lilo frolicking in the buff with a mystery male is currently being touted around LA.
I have no idea if this is part of the sex tape thing from April or not, but Lindsay doesn’t have any money. She hasn’t been paid to star in a movie since 2006. All she does is get drunk and high and have sex with things. And since April she’s taken trips to St. Barths, Paris, Singapore, London (twice), Hawaii, and been back and forth to Vegas and New York to many times to keep track. And she was driving a Maserati a porn producer loaned her. Somethin is up. So if she did a sex tape she needs to just release the damn thing. I’m tired of waiting. That’s why last night I went and slashed her tires. I’m done playing games.
Javier Bardem took time off from starring as Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the Raul Julia Story to go to Brazil and have Penelope Cruz stick a finger up his ass. And good for him. That’s what life is all about. The last thing you want is to be on your death bed wondering if Penelope Cruz would have stuck her finger up your ass. The not knowing, that’s what would haunt you.
Number 9 is a personal email sent to me last night from her neighbor in Malibu. Try and guess if it’s good.
I would normally never email anything about a celebrity like this, but I love you and I am Julia Robert’s neighbor on Grayfox in Point Dume and steam is coming out of my ears right now. For the second time in a month she has flipped me off driving down my own street in Malibu like some crazy botoxed homeless person. She then proceeded to wait for me as i came back out of my gate from my OWN home and berate me in front of my 10 year old daughter when i asked her what her problem was. Apparently she has some defunct radar detector in the back of her head since the speed limit on my street is 25 mph and i was doing MAYBE 20. I know this because there was a huge truck blocking most of the road and i had to slow to almost a stop to get past it and when i saw her i was really aware of my speed since she’d flipped me off a few weeks ago while she was jogging with her trainer at 8 in the morning. She informed me i was speeding and accused me of almost running over her dog. when i told her i absolutely was not, she said “oh-then i guess you’re on top of the situation” with all this nasty sarcasm. Her old ugly dog she didn’t have on a leash walked right up to my right tire and thank god i wasn’t speeding or i would have ran right over it. I guess when Julia Roberts walks down the street you’re not allowed to even drive on it! But the fact that she could see my 10 year old daughter in my car and she still had the gall to yell at me and accuse me of speeding in an attempt to run over her dog is unreal to me. Doesn’t she have husbands to steal or something? On on top of this, several of her neighbors have been threatening to sue her for the trees she recently planted and the disgusting, ugly, illegal old gulfstream trailer she keeps on her property for her gardeners or other underlings to use since god forbid her gardeners keep their tools in her garage and actually look at her without her say so. She also leaves her garbage cans in the middle of the street for weeks because she is never in town for very long and obviously her gardeners don’t really feel like doing anything for her in her absence. The entire street loathes her. Most of us are locals and I for one have not only lived here my whole life but so has my family and my daughter was born and raised here. She needs to go back to New Mexico where there is enough room for her giant cunty ego!!!!!!!
Just two nights ago I was watching ‘Oceans 12′ and I guess I’d never seen that in HD before because AHHHH WTF IS THAT! When did she get this ugly? George Clooney must be the preeminent actor of our times because he’s an inch away from that goblin and he just sits there and takes it.
I forgot to turn off the CC when making some screencaps, but it worked out. It captioned his subconscious. Here he says he’s sorry for keeping her in the dark. That’s nice of him to say but I’d keep that fug mess in the dark too. She’s lucky he didn’t keep her in the woods under a net. And here he asks if it’s okay and despite her answer I can assure you it’s not. It’s not okay at all.
Jessica Simpson made a quick stop at a restaurant on Wilshire last night on her way to dinner before heading out to dinner and then In-N-Out for a quick bite to eat on the way to a bakery for pie. That CAUTION sign is to alert the other patrons. She’s like Yogi Bear when he’d steal picnic baskets. You have to watch her like a hawk or she’ll pull the fire alarm and then swipe everyone’s food in the confusion.
Jennifer Love Hewitt has a new dating book out, and if you think she wouldn’t have any good tips for how to spice up your love life, you would be 100 percent correct.
One of her tips: glue shiny things on your vadge.
“After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” she said. “It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays.”
The promise of slamming your penis into a dozen rocks might be effective if you’re trying to seduce Ben Grimm, but believe it or not I’d rather not pound my dick into fragile cut glass with sharp edges. Seeing a girl with crystals glued to her vagina sounds horrifying. At best it would look like armor, at worst scales, and either way my dick isn’t getting anywhere near it. Because it’s either defending itself or it might spit poison at me.
Lots of people are bummed out today because of all the Haiti 7.0 earthquake stuff, but look how cool that dog is. He’s swimmin around the ocean and playing tug of war with Brazilian model Nicole Bahls. That dog kicks ass and he did a lot to cheer me up. Of course I wasn’t all that sad to begin with because Haiti has sucked for 300 years and I’m tired of waiting for all these crappy countries to get their act together. Tokyo had an 8.3 a hundred years ago and it wasn’t even remotely this bad. And they had twice as many people, AND a huge fire, AND landslides AND a tsunami. And let’s not forget Godzilla stomping the shit out of everything twice a week. Even when he saved Tokyo he still smashed like 98 percent of it.
