Doc Love: She's In A Relationship

This week's question comes from a man who hit it off with the new girl at work -- only to find out later that she has a boyfriend. Now what? 

reader's question

Hey Doc,

I’ve been reading your articles now for the past year or so. They have provided me with a lot of inspiration to keep on going after my relationships didn’t work out or if I was in a drought. But now I’m enamored with one particular girl, and I’m stuck.

Here’s the back story: I was transferred overseas for my job. On the first day at work I was stunned to find that a beautiful woman, Nico, worked at my new office (a big surprise, considering that I’m an engineer on a construction site). During the first month there was a lot of casual flirting between us. Finally, I asked her out on a date, she said yes, and it was perfect. Afterward, it ended with a proper kiss; needless to say, I was stoked. We went on a couple of more dates and all was well with the world.

she has a boyfriend

I painstakingly tried not to get ahead of myself, but we did get very romantic, and it was even more wonderful. Fast-forward a few weeks (and several more special nights), and she drops a huge bomb on me: She has a boyfriend. Crap. I was shocked. She never said anything about him. But then she drops an even bigger bomb: He’s coming to work at the same site as us, and he’s moving in with her!

So, I backed off, he moved in and Nico slowly started getting tired of his BS. She wouldn’t tell me anything about her relationship with him, and I didn’t pry (by the way, I got the word from a mutual friend, who happened to mention it in passing). He didn’t even know that Nico and I had any form of relationship going on.

Anyway, after a couple of months, Nico’s boyfriend got fired and moved back to his hometown. Things started to heat up between Nico and I once again. After spending time together for another month and a half -- with no boyfriend in sight -- things were good again.

fool me once

What a sucker I am. Now she’s leaving on a three-week holiday with the boyfriend. On the day she left, I gave her a lift to her house. When I dropped her off, it was a terrible goodbye, with no hug and no kiss. When I left, I was about 15 minutes down the road when I decided to turn around. Nico and I then had a proper goodbye; it was very emotional. It was then that I made my biggest mistake: I told her that I was in love with her. I didn’t even get an “I love you” back. Instead I got, “I have a love for you, but I don’t know if I’m in love with you.”

What the hell do I do now?

Puck - who’s a retard at relationships

doc love's answer

Hi Puck,

Let me ask you something: You’ve read 52 of my articles, you’re totally obsessed with a girl you can’t handle, you’re heartbroken, and you don’t have my book? What are you waiting for, my friend, more pain and torture?

does she want you or the attention?

When Nico dropped the boyfriend bomb on you, you should have said: “As soon as you’re done with this guy, call me.” What you have to remember here is that this girl is going out with you -- and making out with you behind her boyfriend’s back. So, she’s running two stooges (that you know of). Who knows how many more she has? What this means is that Nico can’t do without the incoming attention. She loves the fact that there are two guys coming at her, and that she’s the one controlling the whole mess.

She has a boyfriend -- what can Nico do at this point? Doc Love continues to weigh in after the jump... Next Page >>