A gift from the past

Recently I received a large envelope in the mail from my aunt.  Curiosity filled my eager mind so I tore it open to find a wonderful treasure.

Doing This Apart

Because it has taken many years to get to this point, my husband and I already had first names picked out for our baby.  But we had never settled on a middle name.  Since my husband will be deployed for the entire pregnancy, we find ourselves trying to decide this by email.  It's not an easy task.

If you're in the same room, you can judge your spouse's reaction to hearing a name.  "Let's make her middle name Ethel" may elicit an obvious groan or just a polite shaking of the head.  You can better judge whether your spouse hates your idea or just doesn't seem to be fully convinced by it and needs more prodding.

You can't glean this via email.

Falling In Love All Over Again

My husband has been deployed for two months now.  He has no access to webcams, so the other day when he sent me a photo of himself on a mission, my first look at him in two months, it took my breath away.  Has he always been this handsome?

I reciprocated with a belly shot, for I am starting to look pregnant and round.  He replied via email with, "You look cute. Were you that pretty when I left?"

I think that's one of the best parts of deployment: falling in love with your spouse's looks all over again.

During my husband's first deployment in 2004, he had been gone for four months before we were able to find a webcam and see each other.  I still remember bursting into tears when I finally saw his face again.  Last year he got to webcam frequently, but even mundane things seemed cuter when he was far away.  I don't look twice when he smokes a cigar at home, but when he popped up on that webcam with a cigar in his mouth, I remember thinking it was the cutest thing ever.

It is a nice perk of deployment: we never get bored of seeing their faces.

Staying connected

We've discussed this before, but I saw this article and thought it was worth discussing again.   During our last deployment, I got our girls Daddy Dolls.  In the past, I've put pictures of my husband on the wall next to the kids' beds, cribs, and in their playroom at their eye level using clear contac paper, so they could touch him, kiss him, etc. while he was away.  

During our first deployment of the Long War, we sent cassette tapes back and forth.  He could hear random things our then 2 year old was doing and saying.  We got hear his voice either just talking or reading a story.  We had to do it old school then because we only had snail mail for communication.

I know there are a lot of creative folks out there.  So let's hear it.  How do you stay connected to your spouse while they are gone?  And how do you keep them connected with the kids?

That Dry Spell

So, here I am trudging along through a deployment.  I have a busy schedule, I'm battling insomnia (as usual) so I'm tired most of the time, and I've had a lot of things on my mind.

Then I turn on the TV to watch a movie and I see... it.  Yes, it.  That thing that wreaks complete havoc on my carefully orchestrated overwhelmed life.  That thing that throws me into a complete tailspin of frustration and irritation.  That thing that seemingly contrives against me to make the deployment trudge completely unbearable.

A romantic movie scene. 

Child Care

Finding the 'perfect' child care situation can occasionally prove to be difficult, but there are many resources available to assist you.

We Will Never Forget

Milspouse Reading: What's on Your List?

I did something recently that I've never done before. I signed up for a library card and started checking books out of the library. In the old days, I loved building my home library. I liked scanning the books, pulling them from the shelves and referring to them when necessary, loaning them out, even re-reading a few on occasion. But several moves (can you say, weight limit) and living in houses which vary in size have dampened my enthusiasm for expanding my personal library. In short, I'm all done. I'll get my knowledge and reading pleasure on loan from this point forward. 

Before joining the library, I went through my collection of books and decided that, as with music, my literary taste is, well, eclectic.... Some of my all-time favorite books are Eyes on the Prize (a great history of the Civil Rights movement), Anna Karenina,  Eisenhower's Lieutenants (a thorough look at campaigns in France and Germany and insights into the personalities of those designing and implementing strategy, but definitely a heavy read), anything by Jan Karon or Alexander McCall Smith (I'd read his grocery list with pleasure) and Who Moved My Cheese (highly recommend this book). 

A milspouse friend loaned me a book by Nicholas Sparks a couple of months ago. I read it in two days. Since then, I have read five other books by Sparks. The last book I read was Dear John, and it was the most interesting to me because it was about a soldier and how a relationship can strenghten or break due to separation. To be fair, that's an over-simplistic description of Dear John, but because I'm married to a solider, this book naturally piqued my interest more than the other five I read. My only gripe is that Mr. Sparks kept referring to Army posts as bases.....

Yesterday, without knowing what it was about, I picked up The Lucky One, another Nicholas Sparks book. When I opened the book and began reading, to my delight, I found that the main character is a Marine who joined The Corps after September 11. Although I'm only on page 55, I have no doubt it's going to be a great read.

It's an unscientific poll, of course, but I've found that my milspouse friends read far more frequently than my civilian friends.

I Need a Do-Over!

At 10 am this morning I realized that I needed to go back to bed and start all over.

The  (bad) dog (which doesn't belong to me, but to a certain person who is taking an all expense paid extreme vacation) peed on the carpet right in front of me. 

When I got the Little Green Machine to clean it up, I dropped the dirty water ALL OVER THE FLOOR, which ran right to the baseboards I had been painting five minutes before the dog peed.

As I cleaned up the entire mess, I brushed up against the door frame I had painted and got Behr Snowfall Semi-Gloss all over my hair and back.

Then the evil blond child spilled my coffee on one of my books.

My stomach hurts.  I'm a little nauseous, too.  And I'm sicksicksick of grading papers already. 

I so totally understand Alexander, who had that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I think I might have a sign made so people know when not to knock on my door.

WARNING!  AIRFORCEWIFE IS HAVING A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD, DAY!  PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!  AND BRINGING CHOCOLATE MIGHT HELP!

So.  I think I might head back up to bed and put my current DVD'd season of choice on tv and pretend today hasn't really happened yet.

I Love This Product: SmileShow

I love this product!  A DVD photo/video slideshow program has answered my need for Christmas gift ideas.

The Tattoo-Off: Spouses Strut Their Stuff

Thanks to those of you who sent in photos of your tattoos and explained what they represented. Your stories are very interesting. I got the inspiration for this post from SGT Danger, click here for background. 

Behold, the tattoos......

Connecting With People Who "Get It"

If you're not a member of military.com, you should be. Over ten million people are! Registration is free and there are numerous benefits. You can find friends, make friends, find job postings and get career advice, find information on duty stations, receive special discounts and much, much more. This is probably a good time to remind you that you can sign up to receive the Family and Spouse Newsletter, a great newsletter which compiles the best news and items of interest to military spouses families twice monthly, and sends it straight to your inbox.

Military.com has revamped their community offerings to include fresh, creative ways to connect with even more people who understand the unique military experience. Below is more information on what you can expect from an enhanced community now, and in the coming weeks and months.

The new Military.com service member community provides an opportunity to interact in an environment where everyone shares and understands the military lifestyle.  This is what makes the Military.com community a unique and special tool for staying in touch with your military friends and colleagues.  You won’t find the “what pop-star do I look like personality test”, but you will be able to reach out to your military connections for job networking, getting help during a PCS, or just venting to a community that understands the context of your situation. 

Additionally, we’re rolling out search features that are unique to the Military community.  So far we’ve added MOS, Rank, Age and Email to people search options.  In September we’ll be adding Installation, Civilian Job and Schools.  This fall we’ll be adding the ability to search on past and present military units. 

Many users have noticed that a lot of member information that used to be publicly available is now only viewable by members you indicate as friends.  We’ve done this to make sure our community is secure and OPSEC compliant.  At Military.com you can be sure that nothing you or anyone else posts on your profile can be accessed by anyone you haven’t cleared personally. 

Did You Know?

New GI Bill Delays
Post 9/11 GI Bill Payment Calculator
Blog for Military Community
Sesame Street Unveils Website
Adopt a Dog
Keep DEERS Up to Date
FRA Scholarship Season Opens
OCONUS Holiday Greetings Taping Begins Soon
Veterans Chat Program Added

More Updates 

Fit Club: The Short Attention Span Edition

I clearly have a short attention span.  During the six months that I've been doing the Fit Club posts, I've mentioned at least six different type of exercise that I've started:  Perfect Push-Ups, Nikki Fitness, going to the gym, hula, walking, Wii Fit, swimming, 30 Day Shred.  Oh, that's 8.  And today I'm going to add one more.  Like several other SpouseBUZZ authors, and many of you, I've started the Couch to 5K running program.

Couch to 5K is a regimen of running and walking that helps you to build up from not running at all to being able to run 5K without stopping.  (That's about 3 miles for the metric-challenged.)  You run three days a week, for 30-40 minutes including the warm-up and cool-down, and gradually increase the amount of time you are spending actually running.  There are a number of podcasts available that combine music with verbal cues so that you don't have to spend the whole run checking out your watch.  I gave in a bought a little MP3 player just so I could use it when I "run."  (I feel like a fraud when I say I'm going running.  It is just so absurd.)  If you've always wanted to be a runner, this might be a program for you to try.  The program is designed to take nine weeks but people often choose to repeat a week if they aren't ready to move on.  I love the challenge of completing the program - hopefully that will help me to finish this!

On the nutrition side, I discovered how much better I was eating when I went to a party the other night.  There was the usual assortment of goodies, including a cheesy, gooey artichoke dip.  I had some, well, maybe more than some, and then felt absolutely awful for the rest of the night.  I guess my body isn't used to that sort of food anymore.  I don't even know that is a good thing - I want to be able to enjoy all food when I chose to eat it.

Now for the actual report:  It is working.  It is slow, and it is frustrating, and sometimes I wonder why I don't quit.  Then I sit down, look at my journal, and see how far I've actually come.  And I'm motivated to continue.  I have lost about half of my total goal, and I'm pretty much on track to make it by February.

I'm sure that I will be looking for more exercise ideas when I lose my enthusiasm for my current loves.  What are you doing?  How is it going?  Are you happy?  Share your joys and sorrows in the comments.

I love my husband, but sometimes...

Sometimes I want to smack him!  I wrote a post a while ago about my struggle regarding whether I should get a job after our PCS in July.  I struggle with this as a wife, mother, and professional.  About a week after I wrote that post I decided NOT to get a job.  I quickly became involved in multiple volunteer activities and have enjoyed each and every one of them.  Plus, I get to go to the gym a few times a week while the kids are in school.

So last night I was balancing the checkbook and paying bills and when I looked at my husband's LES I was very surprised.  Since we now live on post we don't get BAH, which is a nominal amount of money that is no longer in our pocket.  Plus we haven't sold our house in PA, so that's another chunk of money we are "missing."  I told my husband what his take-home pay was now and his response was:  "You need to get a job."

Whoops

Something that was not on my deployment checklist, but should have been...

Put the EZ Pass on hold - that commute won't be happening for a while.

On the bright side, Air Force Guy shouldn't ever have a problem with low funds again.

Servicemember Questions Sought

Is your servicemember is deployed to a CENTCOM area of responsibility?  The White House is offering an opportunity for those troops to pose questions and receive feedback.

Free is good...

I know it's short notice, but if you are going to be in the Palm Beach Gardens, FL, area Labor Day weekend, you might want to change your accommodations.  Why?  Because the PGA National Resort and Spa is offering 1-3 nights of  FREE rooms to active military.  In their words:

"America’s Military Is Our Guest Labor Day Weekend

PGA National Resort & Spa is paying tribute to those who make sacrifices every day protecting our country.  Receive a complimentary stay* at our resort Friday through Sunday.  Offer available to any active member who presents their military I.D.  Just ask for the Military Labor Day Special.

Once again, thank you for all that you do."

Click here for more info.

So, Military Family Housing for ... what do you think... and why not?

The tease ... use a subject line, never use complete sentences (or thoughts) and see if someone will wander in if for no other reason, to see what you're smoking.

I know, I know ... where in the world have you been, Toad?  Lost.  Let's just leave it at that for now (or another post).

I have had a wonderful opportunity to be invited to listen in to a conference of senior officer and senior NCO spouses.  During the Military Family Housing briefing, you could tell that many of the spouses had an issue to broach, or a bone to pick ... or just wanted some hide.  Preferably the briefers.  At one point in the discussion, the famous "waterfall" chart showed how occupancy went from active duty members, to guardsmen and reservist, to civil service employees to ... the bottom category, the general public.  Then, quietly from the back of the group a hand went up and a voice asked ...

The power of persistence

Remember this? 

I had another conversation with the same woman as before about the master HOA's requirements before I worked out in the gym room at the clubhouse this morning.  They were willing to accept Stretch's military ID in lieu of a Driver's License showing his current address.  They wondered if I would be willing to get a state-issued ID (not a Driver's License), though.  Apparently, they are only $10.  We talked a bit longer and I finally understood that their main objective was to prevent people from renting a place for only a week or a month at a time. 

Well, we have a lease that says otherwise.  We have a tenancy approval letter from our HOA (it falls under the master HOA).  All our bills come to this address, but they won't accept them as proof that we actually live there.

I did my workout while stewing over all this.  In fact, I barely noticed when I was running.  And that is saying quite a lot, folks!

Afterward, I approached the woman again.  I don't know if it was because I was sweaty and probably stinky or because of my badgering persistence.  The conversation didn't go particularly well. 

Me:  I just want to clarify:  You're willing to cut my husband a break but not me?

Her:  We just wondered if you'd be willing to get a [state] ID.  Just forget it.

Me:  It's the principle...

Her:  Just forget it!

I had planned to explain that it didn't make sense to make an exception for Stretch because he's in the military but not for me because I'm not when we're married.  I have an ID that has both our names on it showing that we are married.  I had planned to tell her that I felt I was being discriminated against for being married to someone in the military.  The list went on but she clearly didn't want to hear any of it. 

That's okay, though. 

Because I won.

Show and Tell: In Their Own Words

I found an interesting round of Soldier show-and-tell via MaryAnn. Watching the video made my eyes well with tears. It was touching to watch the soldiers explain the little mementos they carry with them while deployed. 

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I had cropped photos of our family laminated and sent to my husband when he deployed. The photos were small enough to keep on him.  Photos mean so much when you're separated and given the gritty, dusty climate, the laminate protected the photos. What does your spouse carry with him or her, and why?

How about you? Do you have items you carry with you while your spouse is gone?

Update: Click here for a different kind of Soldier Show and Tell, and click here for a milspouse version of Show and Tell.

Did You Know?

AKO, DKO Changes Access Procedure
Review Records Before Transfering GI Bill
Defense.gov Seeks Input
Blog Offers Family Support
Health Fairs Across Europe
Flu Vaccinations in Europe
Coast Guard Partners With Women's Soccer

More Updates 

Reminders

Those of you participating in the SpouseBUZZ Challenge need to get your pictures in for the August SpouseBUZZ Challenge. You can get the details here.

I've received several photos for our tattoo-off. Keep them coming. We'll post them soon.

SpouseBUZZ LIVE makes our final stop at Camp Pendleton on September 26. It's a free event and everyone walks away with an incredible gift bag full of information and giveaways. At this event, the first 500 attendees will receive a skin care kit worth $400 and military spouses will have a chance to win a diamond pendant courtesy of USAA. Not bad, huh?

A preview of SpouseBUZZ LIVE can be found here. You can click here to register for the event.

SpouseBUZZ LIVE is open to all military spouses, girlfriends and yes, you can bring your spouse to the event. We always have a several husbands in attendance and some of them have even taken the microphone. 

Reason #57 Why I am NOT a Marine (just married to one):

I don't like sweating.  As in the wet and dripping type of sweat.  Nope.  I don't enjoy it.  In fact, it grosses me out.  Now, I already knew this about myself.  But I confirmed it this morning. 

I started the Couch to 5K program this week in an effort to get in better shape.   I want to use some of that extra time I have now that both kids are in school to get more exercise.  The first 2 days I followed the program inside on a treadmill in our neighborhood clubhouse.  (And yes, I worked up a sweat, just not like today!)  When I found it wasn't open yet this morning, I decided to go ahead and do the workout outside despite the heat and mugginess. 

I knew it would suck.  About half or three-quarters of the way through the 30 minute walk/run workout, I wanted to die.  By the time I got back home and stretched, the sweat was pouring off me.  Ick.  Stretch laughed at me when I asked if you could be allergic to your own sweat.  (My chest started itching at some point and when scratched, I found it was covered in a sheen of sweat.  Ick.  Ick.  Ick.)

I also asked Stretch if he could just go ahead and shoot me to put me out of my misery.  For some wretched reason, the man refused and kept grinning at me (and probably inwardly laughing).

The End of an Era - Changing My Venn Diagram

Yesterday my 6 year old son told me something that nearly made my heart stop.

"Mom," he said.  "I think I want a normal haircut now."

Shhhhh. Be vewy, vewy kwiet.......

.....my Verbal Exchange Student is back in school.

*cue seasonal music*

I don't mean to be a problem child...

...really, I don't!    But I think I may be in HOA, um, H-E-double hockey sticks (trying to keep that G rating, folks!)

I may have mentioned that we currently live in Civilian Land.  Even worse, we live in a gated community.  It has an HOA, of course.  We had to renew our lease at the beginning of the summer which also meant renewing our transponders that get us in the gate without having to go through the guard.  Now, it seems that we have to re-register everything again next month because everyone has to do it then.  Apparently, they do this every two years.

This wouldn't be so bad, except I had to go and ask what we needed to do.  As I looked at the overly long list of required documents we have to bring to get this done, one requirement caught my eye.  We need to have valid driver's licenses with our current address. 

As often as we've moved, my driver's license has rarely had my current address on it.  To make matters worse, I had just gotten a license in our previous state less than a year before moving here last year.  We knew coming to this state that we'd only be here two years.  So I made sure that it wasn't required that either of us get a driver's license in this state.  (Some states don't require it of the service member but do require it of the spouse.)   I'm sorry, but there's no way I am spending the money  going to the effort of getting yet another driver's license when I still have years left on my currently valid license.  Especially since state law does not require it!    

When I told the woman to whom I was speaking in no uncertain terms that neither I nor my husband would be getting drivers' licenses in this state, she looked a bit taken aback.  She even said they weren't told what to do if someone refused to do something.  To her credit, she tried to find out if there was a military exception to the rule and then took my information to refer the question to someone on the board.  She probably didn't think it would be a good idea to give me the man's phone number when I asked for it.  And she might've been right.

At least THIS time, if I end up starting trouble, Stretch won't get called on the carpet with his boss...

This and That

Mocha Wifey hosts a vlog series on PCS moves. Brave girl!

Also found at Mocha Wifey's site, Dr. Oz is looking for military spouses who have lost a great deal of weight during a husband's deployment. Click here for details.

Got an iPhone? Got USAA? Your life just got easier. And check out the new MemberShop. If you don't have Paycheck Chronicles bookmarked, you're missing out on tons of advice and freebies. Who doesn't want a free Chick-fil-A?

I love, love, love my four-legged babies. And I love soldiers, too. This is awesome.

Troop-supporting band Smile Empty Soul has a new album, which can be purchased at the PX I'm told, and they are offering a free download on iTunes for all military members. Warning: Explicit. 

Smile Empty Soul would like to offer this free download as a way of thanking the proud men and women who serve our great country.  We appreciate your bravery, your commitment to our freedom and we keep you in our thoughts for a safe return home. 
 
This free download includes an acoustic performance of This Is War recorded exclusively for the military.  Additionally, we’ve included the new single Don’t Ever Leave from our brand new album Consciousness.  
 
We hope you enjoy our music as much as we respect the hard work you do for our great country.
 
God Bless You All,
Smile Empty Soul

And speaking of bands and appearances and free stuff, here's a chance for you and your family to be featured in a Queensryche music video, Home Again. This song is from their album, American Solider. 

You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine

SGT Danger stopped by to say that he might do a Part II to his soldier tattoo post. Then, reader Basinah asked if they're showing theirs, should we show ours? I think that's a great idea. I'm tattoo-less but for the more brave milspouses out there, are you interested in showing us your tattoos and telling us what they represent?

If so, email your photos by clicking here, and don't forget to explain what they represent. If we get enough responses, I might challenge SGT Danger and his soldiers to a tattoo-off. The Great American Soldiers vs. Spouses Tattoo Challenge.

Please note that by emailing your photos, you agree to have them posted on SpouseBUZZ.

Why Does It Feel So Different?

My girls started school yesterday.  Not just a new school year, but they began their school year at an entirely new school.  The first grader showed only a moment's hesitation with the entire process.  The fifth grader, however, had more speed bumps.

I kept thinking, "This is so much harder with my husband deployed!  If only he were here, this would be so different!"

I realized as I walked from the school building after delivering each child safely to her respective classroom, that I have taken that walk alone, every year whether my husband were deployed or not.