Wonkette

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Did you ever see one of those romantic comedies where the two principals just straight up frickin’ loathe each other, and try to undermine and destroy one another, but then, in the stunning turnaround that generally happens at the end of Act I or thereabouts, it turns out that all that animosity is just a cover for the fact that secretly they want to bone? Oh, you have seen that, because it’s the plot of virtually every romantic comedy ever? Well, since all life follows the formulas laid out by our entertainment industry, what do you think that says about the partisan gridlock in Washington? (ANSWER: IT MEANS THEY WANT TO DO SEX WITH EACH OTHER, ALL THE TIME.) MORE »

As if the amazing revelations that New York Governor David Paterson has a pal who sucks weren’t enough, now the New York Times has an even sexier sex-related scandal to report! It seems that when it comes to actual governing, Paterson is kind of “meh” and would prefer to hang out in the Hamptons with his rich patrons. Salacious! MORE »

2/18/10, NEVER FORGET: Yesterday, while Austin residents freaked out about the anti-tax nut cleverly flying his plane into the IRS breakroom while all the auditors were out of the office, Atlanta confronted an even greater horror: a zebra on the loose and just goin’ nuts downtown, on the freeway, during rush hour. Best sentence in this article: “He looked outside and saw an African creature running down the pavement.” [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

• An IRS worker said it was “unfair” of that crazy guy to fly his plane into her office building, which is certainly one way of describing it! [CBS News]
• OH YAWN it’s just another regular Friday in Niger following a military coup that removed President Mamadou Tandja. [Reuters]
• President Obama heard there was some sort of “foreclosure problem” going on in Las Vegas, so he will be going there to make a speech and pledge too little money to fix a crisis that went from “huge” to “dire” in, oh, 2007? [ABC News]
• Republicans, after a year of yowling about the deficit, consented “reluctantly” to join a bipartisan commission devoted to fixing the deficit. [Washington Post]
• The evil prince from our nation’s beloved Shrek franchise won an Olympic gold medal! [New York Times]

The jet-plane man’s letter today got us thinking of course about RELEVANT MOVIES, especially this one, God’s Country, a 1985 documentary by Louis Malle, one of your editor’s absolute favorites, and one that grows more relevant by the day. MORE »

• “A tortured history of Obamacare?” No no no. Barack Obama is a total yellow belly: He always reads histories their Miranda rights. [RedState]
• Car theft. Rape. Same thing. Get over it. It’s Kansas. [Think Progress]
• Do you have naughty dreams at night about organizing Jonah Goldberg’s collection of Star Trek dolls (from tallest to shortest, not alphabetically)? Or perhaps being K-Lo’s little spoon? Intern with the National Review! Comes with a modest stipend. Previous “gimp experience” would be lovely. [The Corner]
• Uh-oh, someone found the socialist literature Michelle Obama hid under her mattress! [Matt Yglesias]
• Please support this very important initiative that would give MLK Day the pizazz it so desperately needs. [AMERICAblog]

BREAKING: The squid-elephant walrus fetus furry is not (a rather poor!) incarnation of our god, Cthulhu. It is simply the Obama Job Creation Fail Whale just speeeennning time with his friend the friendly AmSol Twitter Eagle. And if (when?) you murder them both and brag about it on the Internet, Newt Gingrich will give you Ameros and video games! MORE »

Some trends are very bad. Like the fact that Democrats keep dying, no one has a job, and CPAC attendees are scary advocates of death and massive orgies with Stephen Baldwin. These are bad trends. But, we DO like this new do-it-yourself salad trend that is taking over the District. Why? Because 1) not everyone can have a garden like Michelle Obama, tended to by underprivileged kids shipped in from Anacostia, 2) pricing people out of healthy food is the American way, and 3) Mixt Greens actually makes a damn good, healthy organic salad (out of recycled materials). MORE »

Look, 20ish senators — including Super Powerful Chuck Schumer — have called for a public option to be passed through reconciliation, which is good policy and good politics, because it shows the opposition that if they’re not willing to offer some votes, more provisions they don’t like will be passed. (Not that they actually care about the provision one way or another beyond its political exploitability.) Is this going somewhere, or are certain senators just trying to cover their asses and say “we tried” when they know it’s not going to happen? THREE GUESSES. (That said, if they actually are serious and this pans out, Wonkette will “reward” each one with a custom Blingee.) [Ezra Klein]

LIZ CHENEY INTRODUCES SURPRISE GUEST DICK CHENEY. Pants off, everyone! 2-18-10: where were you when the one memorable news event of the day happened? [YouTube]

• NEWT GINGRICH DID IT! Tipster/commenter bfstevie writes, “Saw the ‘American Solutions’ furry on the Wonkette. Turns out this is a ‘tri-partisan citizen action network’ whose General Chairman is Newt Gingrich.” Indeed! BUT: “Newt’s ‘welcome letter’ to the thoughtful tri-partisan web site uses the Einstein quote about insanity. This is the very same quote that the guy in Austin quoted in his mean spirited screed before he flew into a building.” Raid Newt Gingrich’s house for Saul Alinsky books — the only ones that count!

Is it possible for anyone to say no to this draining? [Craigslist]

Wonkette’s annual CPAC attendee friend Garrett Quinn, who is insane for still going to these things but great for sending us the laffs, has delivered the first batch of terrifying furry photos from Day One. They depict an astroturfing eagle and a monstrous grey squid-elephant walrus fetus that isn’t Dick Armey. (Maybe.) Six demerits to each from Mittens, we guess? UPDATE: My god, is it actually Cthulhu?? MORE »