My lawyers have asked me to point out that calling that a joke was highly misleading, and demand a retraction. Eh, never stopped me before. 1:49 PM Jan 7th from web |
I heard Jett Travolta died and came as fas as I could. Did anyone beat me to the Saturday Night Fever joke? 1:46 PM Jan 7th from web |
Feel compelled to note that previous tweet was not aimed at @EffingBoring, who is lovely and infinitely followable. 4:46 PM Jan 6th from web |
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I'm really psyched about your new domain, dude. Why don't you tell me all about it, while I stand over here and pretend to give a fuck. 4:30 PM Jan 6th from web |
Look, lying in bed all day with flu is not pathetic, it's manly and— oh fuck it, my eyes are watering again. Get me a tissue, someone. 5:36 AM Dec 29th, 2008 from web |
Something about Heather Mills and stocking fillers. I don't know, fuck it, it's Christmas and I'm drunk. So fuck you guys. 6:36 PM Dec 24th, 2008 from web |
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Nativity scene in my town centre is a teen girl with a baby and 3 guys in tracksuits that might be the father with gifts of child support. 10:13 AM Dec 21st, 2008 from twitterrific |
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Well maybe if the dishwasher wasn't so close to the kettle, I wouldn't have stood there for 3 minutes thinking the kettle was boiling. 3:19 PM Dec 19th, 2008 from twitterrific |
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The bank called today to remind me my overdraft is a year old. So embarrassing. Sending a birthday card first thing tomorrow. 7:09 PM Dec 7th, 2008 from twitterrific |
Is it really that bad to lie about how you spent your day, when faced with admitting you wasted it masturbating into your own filth? 6:48 PM Dec 2nd, 2008 from web |
Went to see a palm reader. She said that I'm single, lonely, and sexually frustrated. And that I should wash my hands after masturbating. 12:48 PM Dec 2nd, 2008 from web |
Realising you actually quite like Dubstep is about as horrifying as the moment you realise you actually *prefer* women's underwear. 2:23 PM Nov 23rd, 2008 from twitterrific |
Using Quicksilver kind of makes me feel like I'm cheating. Like sleeping with a girl before introducing yourself or getting her drunk. 7:11 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from twitterrific |
Business plan: two of man's greatest creations in one place. Joint comedy club and whorehouse. But should I call it BROFL or BORDELLOL? 6:39 AM Nov 18th, 2008 from twitterrific |
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