It might SEEM like Adobe Acrobat updates itself too often, but bear in mind the complexities of displaying PICTURES OF FUCKING PAPER. 10:00 AM Dec 10th from Twuffer |
Been ignoring emails from the Obama campaign for weeks now, but the provocatively abbreviated subject line "The White Ho..." almost got me. 4:14 PM Dec 9th from web |
Also: I chilled a ham in Pinot. What, you want Zin wine? 12:10 PM Dec 9th from web |
If changing the venue of a fucking pun ends up being the most offensive thing I ever do on here, I really will kill a man in Reno for fun. 12:05 PM Dec 9th from web |
I cockpunched a man in Vegas, just to crotch whim ply. 11:14 AM Dec 9th from web |
PayPal is one of those services people want so badly, they'll doggedly endure almost any indignity required of them. See also: Ticketmaster. 10:29 AM Dec 9th from web |
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Crap. I just realized I can make most anything I post sound stupid with a mental recitation, followed by a condescending "oh ho ho!" 11:35 AM Dec 8th from Twuffer |
... and if anyone suspects my last 2 posts are related: NO, my girlfriend's NOT torn between me and Johnny Depp. (He won't return her calls) 9:27 PM Dec 5th from web |
FYI: it takes 157 words, including "Do we agree we must discuss further/sooner/later/never?" to say "shit or get off the pot" diplomatically 9:21 PM Dec 5th from web |
I thought it coincidence that every girl I've dated is hot for Johnny Depp, but now I realize it's only because I haven't dated any lesbians 8:13 PM Dec 5th from web |
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Forget "Followers". I want a tally of people tolerating me enough to let me vibrate their pockets during dinner. (Inspired by a @girk chat.) 5:34 PM Dec 5th from web |
If I had a dollar for every complaint I overheard... I'd never shut up. 2:05 PM Dec 5th from web |
I really do want to be cremated. I like the idea of potentially being confused with Sanka. 10:42 AM Dec 5th from web |
dimple, lime, vicissitude, ass-face, mitochondria, hiccup #6randomwords 10:30 AM Dec 5th from web |
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