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Tried to cheat on spouse / in dream. Couldn't. Jeeze, throw me / a bone, subconscious |
It takes a village / And by "village" hope they mean / "Buttload of TV" |
After sex had to / apply ice to lower back / Me so hernia |
Since baby girl born / Have new laundry sort method / Whites, lights, darks and pink |
Unfortunately / We share bathroom with our son / The Urinator |
Kids: We want sibling! / Me: Great! Go to bed early. / Kids: Ha, ha. Nice try |
Pregnancy has its / perks. Like hearing strangers' views / on circumcision |
Momku shows her tits / At BlogHer. w00t! Baby will / Be attached, but still |
Son stuck paper clip / In outlet "just 'cause." And they / Wonder why I drink |
Someday I'll avenge / You, Turkish kilim. Makers / Of Gogurt beware |
In kiddie pool with / The baby, enjoying free / Urine pedicure |
Bikini shopping / With my thirteen-year-old. Oh, / the humanity |
Oh there never was / A virus more aptly named / Than you, Coxsackie |
Well hello, Stinkeye / Guessing you'd prefer I don / Breastfeeding burka? |
Pregnant with triplets / Hoping uterus designed / To scale vertically |
Keep forgetting we / Moved to the suburbs. Must stop / Flipping people off |
Philo T. Farnsworth / Were you alive today I / Would kiss you. With tongue. |
Can Mother's Day make / Up for cleaning puke out of / A carseat? We'll see. |
When Obama wins / Then you will get your cookie / So please stop asking |
Crucial milestone / Reached: Child can now fetch beer / from fridge on command |
