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Woman: "Are these bathrooms unisex?" Me: "Dunno. Go for it." W: "Thanks!" She goes in, PISSES ALL OVER THE SEAT, and bolts. Thanks New York! |
My restaurant won't have any "famous" menu items. Only "our infamous Baked Potato" (because no one suspects the baked potato). |
Oh, here's a thought. |
I'll be in NYC for the Glitch Mob show tonight at Le Poisson Rouge, which I think is French for 'adjective noun'. |
I know, technically speaking, black holes don't really 'suck'. But then, nor will Audible actually blow me. |
Audible.com is designed like a black hole. It sucks so hard that no information can escape. |
Launched a startup today! Our business model: we send spam emails, always with the subject "Your order has shipped!" I'm going to be rich. |
The relative nature of hate makes it semantically impossible to hate EVERYTHING, so I've balanced my spectrum by liking pie. Mmm, integrity. |
It's a good thing orcs aren't real, because what a civil rights nightmare. |
By the way: anytime I pretend to know anything about anything west coast, it probably came from the professionally clued-in @babiejenks |
GIRLS DON'T COUNT YOU TAKE MORE THAN FOUR MINUTES OR SO GOES THE LEGEND. |
Listen to this song once, at high volume, without ejaculating. I dare you. "Ants" by DJ edIT: http://xrl.us/o2y3h |
That's it, I'm quitting metaphors cold turkey fuck relapse. |
Target targets Target's Target markets to market targets to Target's target Target target market. |
Dear internet: @timdawks submits himself mind, body and bacon vagina, for your consideration. Please do him the courtesy http://xrl.us/o2x2d |
Abridged audio books : big, smelly piles of shit :: big, smelly piles of shit : big, smelly piles of shit |
@EffingBoring You jest, but my book club can't even decide if our ugly feud over counselor choice is an ironic twist or a bitter impasse! |
It might SEEM like Adobe Acrobat updates itself too often, but bear in mind the complexities of displaying PICTURES OF FUCKING PAPER. |
Been ignoring emails from the Obama campaign for weeks now, but the provocatively abbreviated subject line "The White Ho..." almost got me. |
Also: I chilled a ham in Pinot. What, you want Zin wine? |
