The seriousness of poking his chest with my finger and calling him 'mister' is completely lost when he starts laughing at me. about 1 hour ago from web |
Fake smiles, forced joy. The office xmas party is just like your wedding except coworkers aren't secretly placing bets on your divorce date. about 4 hours ago from Hahlo |
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Christmas presents for my batshit evangelical brother's children? Science kits for the older kids, dinosaur pajamas for the baby. 4:18 PM Dec 10th from web |
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All I want for xmas is for my brother to not be an asshole to Mom. He'd like it if I weren't such a dick to Dad. Family is hard. 9:04 AM Dec 10th from Hahlo |
Is there some sort of trick to tucking in a shirt? I've never done this before. 6:54 AM Dec 10th from Hahlo |
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I will neither confirm nor deny that I ate the cookies I found in the xmas cookie jar. That's been in storage. For a year. 7:15 PM Dec 9th from Hahlo |
Rhymin' and stealin' in a christmas state and I'll be trimmin' my tree all the way to Hell's gate. 4:50 PM Dec 9th from web |
I waited all day to be asked about my evening plans so I could say SMOKIN AND DRINKIN ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. Though I don't actually do either. 1:49 PM Dec 9th from Hahlo |
I may have taken the game a little too far when I grabbed my dick and said "oh my god that's the funky shit." 10:37 AM Dec 9th from Hahlo |
Playing the game of using Beastie Boys lyrics in work conversations. Today I'm dropping the new science and kicking the new knowledge. 5:55 AM Dec 9th from Hahlo |
Contents of my stomach: 1 bite of jalapeno pepper, 2 slices of bread, 4 glasses of milk. 6:46 PM Dec 8th from web |
What's it called when you're stuck at a red light watching someone take the last available parking spot on your street? 4:09 PM Dec 8th from web |
I remember when we used to mail tweets to our followers who would draw a star on the envelope and then mail it to the next follower. 1:17 PM Dec 8th from Hahlo |
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