You know it's winter in LA when: People complain about the unbearable cold, realize it's 55 degrees, apologize for mistakenly feeling cold. about 10 hours ago from web |
The Bronx Beat sketch on SNL always makes me weirdly homesick. I guess soon enough I'll have plenty of mouthy Italian ladies shouting at me about 10 hours ago from web |
Even 8 minutes into Revolutionary Road, feel pretty confident declaring it "Shoutiest Movie of the Year." And yes, you can pullquote that. about 12 hours ago from web |
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I've always been grateful that Tim Burton resisted that studio note to try Edward Lawnmowerknees instead. about 15 hours ago from web |
Screaming at the screen doesn't influence the results of college basketball games, but frustrated air-punch dances in front of TV work. about 21 hours ago from web |
Announcer hawking World at War DVDs is entirely too excited about "bonechilling eyewitness footage of the Nazis' bloody rise and fall." about 23 hours ago from web |
Looks like the dead octogenarian in the bathroom stall cost me a handful of followers. Ain't that always the way? 4:40 PM Dec 12th from web |
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OK, will add choice d) dump huge bag of lye over the stall wall, wait for body to dissolve, then call janitor to clean up gooey remains. 3:40 PM Dec 12th from web |
Poll: If boss dies while on office toilet, how to retrieve body? a) Jaws of life to free from stall b) pull out by ankles c) crawl under. 1:49 PM Dec 12th from web |
F/u to f/u: Thankfully, he did not die on my watch. Though I had a couple of scares where loud fake-coughing was needed to get a response. 1:47 PM Dec 12th from web |
F/u to prev tweet: I was often asked to check the restroom when the old boss took too long "reading the mail." To listen for signs of life. 1:42 PM Dec 12th from web |
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Pandora Radio is like what iTunes Shuffle would be if it weren't a total dick who's always trying to mock you with your poor music decisions 12:49 AM Dec 12th from web |
Anyone else notice that Alan Colmes is the spitting image of William Fichtner? Half the MOW is pre-cast if something bad happens to Hannity. 11:11 PM Dec 11th from web |
Wow, that last tweet was stupid even by my own impossibly low standards. (Probs should have saved it for Tumblr.) 5:56 PM Dec 11th from web |
So close to making it to my goal of 24 hours without tweeting. Pretty sure I can get there, guys. What? Oh, crap. Maybe tomorrow? 5:54 PM Dec 11th from web |
Think "Secret Asshole" might be more compelling TV--rich people infiltrate charities and take the do-gooders down from the inside. 8:37 PM Dec 10th from web |
Feel strangely powerful now that the Mayor is following me. It's a rush to know I can get 140 characters directly to his most bored staffer. 2:21 PM Dec 10th from web |