Our waiter just called my date Dirk Diggler. And in typing this, my iPhone wants to say 'Dork Diggler'. Also totally accurate. about 19 hours ago from txt |
At dinner in my prom dress across from my date who is sporting Blu-Blockers & a fake mustache. Bobby Goulet would be proud. about 19 hours ago from txt |
In other news, my iPhone, while finally knowing "fuck" & "fucking", apparently still needs to learn "whoreface". Only a matter of time. about 24 hours ago from txt |
Late for my haircut because the parking in the Marina sucks as much as the hookered-up girls here do. 2:56 PM yesterday from txt |
Just performed my annual weight litmus test. Another year, another success: my prom dress still fits. From 1995. 12:42 PM yesterday from txt |
Have had the laziest morning so far. Hoping to continue this streak well into the afternoon, and possibly also the evening. 12:05 PM yesterday from txt |
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Continuing on tonight's paranormal theme, there are days that I think I may ACTUALLY be psychic. Then I remember it's my uncanny intuition. 10:34 PM Dec 4th from web |
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Swear to God, my plate at dinner (on a flat surface) just moved ON ITS OWN 1/2 way across the table. Telekinesis? Ghost plate? SO FREAKY. 7:40 PM Dec 4th from twitterrific |
Waking to grab dinner with one of my favorite ladies, then sequestering ourselves to make Xmas cards. What an exciting life I lead! 7:11 PM Dec 4th from txt |
You know you're multi-tasking too much when you text your dogwalker that you "need a walk for Kevin tomorrow". @kevinrose, time to go out! 5:20 PM Dec 4th from web |
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Dear Boys, you DO need 2 sets of sheets GOOD ONES. You also need a duvet cover. WHY AM I EVEN HAVING TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!? Love, Aubs 12:08 PM Dec 4th from web |
Last night's Yelp party was a blast, as was our pre-dinner & post-karaoke. Now craving an Egg McMuffin & hashbrown. Related somehow?! 8:16 AM Dec 4th from twitterrific |
Engaged in an epic discussion on who lays pipe: men or women. And the men are arguing that it's the women. RIDICULOUS. 9:03 PM Dec 3rd from txt |
Overheard: Her:"There should be a constant camera on us ALL DAY!" Me: "Yeah, it's like the PuppyCam, with much less humping. Hm, actually.." 4:54 PM Dec 3rd from web |
Excited about tonight's Yelp party. Thinking about last year's, and seriously blown away by how much can change in a year. (For the better!) 4:42 PM Dec 3rd from web |
One of my best friends made me cry at dinner. Then rubbed my eyes after touching hot chilies. Calling today a wash; tomorrow MUST be better. 8:32 PM Dec 2nd from web |