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@Twitter_Tips Yes, Twitter_Tips? |
@ProfWordsearch Spamming Santa is the fastest way to get on the "naughty" list, jerkoff. |
@bibi_org you can tell I'm the real Santa Claus because my name is RealSantaClaus. Also, because I know you've been naughty! |
This Oberweis egg nog is so good, it's like an angel blew a load in my mouth. |
I know I'm expected to sing Christmas carols, but when I rock out "Don't Stop Believing" at karaoke - there's not a dry seat in the house. |
The worst part about doing mall appearances is the children. If it weren't for the fucking children this wouldn't be a bad job. |
Stewie is really chapping my ass about more mall appearances. I'm responsible for the economy now? As if this crotch itch weren't enough. |
@Truncale I won't give you a fucking camera, but you can buy one from @hotdogsladies. Two birds, one stone. I'm all about the win-win. |
@carlalynnehall Kthxbai? I've got another lolcat meme for you: Christmas gift FAIL. |
@loveaholic I'll give you a deep-dicking for Christmas, but in the spirit of the holidays, I'll let your boyfriend watch us. |
@heckethorn was going to finish that thought, but had a hard time typing with my "boughs of holly" in her mouth. |
@Elparso What about the "noodle incident?" |
@kariek I'll have a couple of hard, pipe-hittin' elves go to work on your landlord with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. |
What is with all of these people asking me for a bike all of a sudden? I thought Barack Obama was your new bicycle. |
@FemaleProdigy That's how it starts. |
Shit, and I was going to give that Senate seat to Al Franken. Way to ruin the surprise, Blagojevich. Did I say "give?" I meant "sell." |
Well of course my operation is in trouble financially. If we had any less of a business model you'd have to call us "Web 2.0." Or "Twitter." |
Stewie says that buying a large collection of 15th c. French vaginal casts is "fiscally irresponsible." I can't help myself. They're useful! |
Stewie, the North Pole's Production Auditor, Toy Division, is really busting my chestnuts this year to keep costs down. |
Of all the names I'm known by - Santa, St. Nick, Kris Kringle - I like it when cute little Mexican girls call me 'Papi.' That's so hot. |
