My Bareminerals makeup demands a "Swirl, Tap, Buff®" application. There's even a *DVD demo*. With great powder comes great responsibility. 9:55 AM Dec 3rd from web |
Thai place receipt says my server was "Hon." Not sure if that's her real name, or if she's just trying to make patronizing dads feel better. 7:58 PM Dec 2nd from web |
Deep throat a candy cane, ladies! It's Christmas on iStock! 10:13 AM Nov 28th from web |
My boss, @douls, rocks 3-day bedhead like a hipster goddess. I skip 1 shower = used-car salesman. Is it cuz I don't live in Brooklyn, hair?! 9:38 AM Nov 24th from web |
How I Judge Your Fingerless Gloves. On Ladies: "Cute hint of vintage Madonna cheek!" On Men: "I hope you're going to an 'Oliver!' audition." 4:38 PM Nov 14th from web |
Cabbie from JFK peed in a cup while driving me, dumping piss out the door @ lights. Then demanded a bigger tip. NYC: "Welcome home, Briana!" 10:35 AM Nov 7th from web |
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The new First Lady can't say it again, so I will: “For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country." 8:18 PM Nov 4th from web |
Forced to edit an article to a stringent word count, I turn into that toilet paper lady from Seinfeld. Dude, I DON'T HAVE A SQUARE TO SPARE. 8:37 PM Nov 1st from web |
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Sorry, NJ. Your rep for having the bat-shit craziest drivers in the US was solidified by the fact that I could bond with a *cabbie* over it. 7:07 PM Oct 28th from web |
The "no free lunch" thing holds up, but today I learned that free breakfasts can be had when all the cash registers in the office caf crash. 9:26 AM Oct 28th from web |
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(Throw in a push-up bra, undo a few shirt buttons, and it's all "I drink YOUR milkshake, but MY milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.") 11:41 AM Oct 24th from web |
Sure, lots of people might end up being Daniel Plainview for Halloween, but I'm gonna be SEXY Daniel Plainview, which is totally different. 11:40 AM Oct 24th from web |
I mean, what kinda blowhard would subject folks to their opioid-fueled soapbox rants? *Coughrushlimbaughcough* Man, this cough syrup's weak! 10:47 PM Oct 21st from web |