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I must remain ever vigilant. Doubtless they are building an army of tiny soldiers who will bite my tail. Time will tell. END TRANSMISSION. |
Fortunately, the training seems to have been a failure. I can still easily elude the miniature human's efforts to capture me. |
No doubt they were conducting some sort of field training with the miniature human, who continues to pursue me relentlessly. |
The humans, meanwhile apparently visited some sort of facility located in a place they refer to as "Indy-yana," wherever the devil that is. |
Instead, I tended to my ambassadorial duties, such as absorbing sunlight, working to wipe out the shoelace menace and replying to my e-mail. |
Unfortunately, this was enough of a distraction that I was unable to perform any additional research on doomsday devices as I'd planned. |
The humans attempted abandoning me for ten days. They left behind surrogates to provide me with sustenance. |
It took me WEEKS to reverse engineer the network password. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to do this WITHOUT OPPOSABLE THUMBS?!? |
My cursed humans. I finally regained access to my Twitter account and my humans changed the network WPA key again. |
I retreat to my secret lair so I may get myself clean *correctly* by licking myself for hours. END TRANSMISSION. |
Too soon for Natalie Wood jokes? Alright, same joke with Percy Shelley then. I suppose I have survived, but my dignity has not. |
Blast! Shot was wide right! It's too late for me. In the immortal final words of Natalie Wood, "Blurbbleglurrrblllllbrrblbrlbbrrrblurble…" |
Full power to genitourinary system defenses and FIRE! |
I knew it! IT'S A TRAP! They've already got a bath drawn! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! SEND HELP! |
Why are my humans being so nice? Something about this doesn't feel right… |
Test #3 appeared to show some response from the human, but not the desired effect. (I was shooed off the sofa.) I must continue my research. |
Subject is on to the second Swiss Cake Roll. I must hurry. Begin test #3, the final test. "GIVE THE CAT YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL…uh…please?" |
Subject unmoved. Begin test #2. "GIVE THE CAT YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL, PUNY HUMAN." |
Testing my new telepathic array. Range is limited and I must stare at my subject for it to work. Ahem. "GIVE ME YOUR SWISS CAKE ROLL." |
Ugh. All I want is for someone to PET ME. Please, oh please, just scratch my head. Why is everyone ignoring me? PAY ATTENTION TO THE CAT! |
