...My parents don't buy presents for whoever loses- that's how they save $ for next year. (It's also how they preserve family honor.) about 15 hours ago from web |
Last year, my brothers & I all got Swiss Army knives in our stockings. Then we had our annual Christmas knife-fight in the backyard. about 15 hours ago from web |
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I dream of a coffee shop on the right hand side of my morning commute. I can't turn left til I've had my coffee. 5:02 AM Dec 11th from mobile web |
So, um- is it considered Grand Theft Auto if you accidentally drove the wrong car home? Can't you just leave a written apology & a cookie? 4:07 PM Dec 10th from mobile web |
"I think you sent me a message, but I never got it." Nice try, creepy guy on Facebook. Nice try. 2:03 PM Dec 10th from web |
I think I'd find babies easier to warm up to if they meowed instead of cried. 12:52 PM Dec 10th from web |
Ya huh- they DO have penguins in Australia! (Only they call them "koala bears" there). 11:03 AM Dec 10th from web |
Wait- so instead of this whole being sick ruse I've been putting on, I could've just called in gay today? I gave myself a fever for nothing. 6:22 AM Dec 10th from web |
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Also? I would like a Viking funeral. With lots of cookies. 5:48 PM Dec 8th from web |
My fever has reached 102°. I do not want my dying words to be about old cheese, so uh- "boobs". 5:43 PM Dec 8th from web |
Know how it's awesome when you find money in your coat when you take it outta storage? Well, I just found a slice of cheese in mine. 6:18 AM Dec 8th from mobile web |
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I'm going to start drunk photoshopping tiny owls into all my pictures. 10:32 PM Dec 5th from web |
I have no problem eating random food that shows up in my mailbox. 10:18 PM Dec 5th from web |
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Girl gave her brother all her quarters cuz she"doesn't like that guy's hair" By this rationale I should buy new shoes cuz Grant looks grumpy 1:11 PM Dec 5th from web |