"Michael Jackson is said to be living on a diet of gravy, painkillers, and biscuits" is my favorite sentence ever. Also, my favorite diet.
12:55 PM Nov 25th from web
|
Husband wants the tivo.com password to schedule shows from his phone. AS IF. I stay out of his office, he stays out of mine.
9:34 AM Nov 25th from web
|
I don't get the NOM NOM thing. It's like I'm on a different internet. Is it related to the cats thing? Because I don't go that way, either.
9:32 AM Nov 25th from web
|
|
|
|
"Daddy is a little slow on the uptake." Say what you will about raising kids on TV, but it does make them say the most delightful things.
2:42 PM Nov 19th from web
|
"Foaming Pipe Snake": Band name, sex toy, or Drano product?
9:26 AM Nov 19th from web
|
The boy said to me, "Get me some pretzels, ya hockey puck!" And you know what I did? I got him some fucking pretzels.
9:52 PM Nov 18th from web
|
|
|
|
|
My mom always said I'd regret my tattoos at 35. But now I actually think, "I should get more, I'm 35, who gives a fuck?"
7:39 PM Nov 17th from web
|
|
|
Jonas is talking on a pretend cell phone. He just said, "Both of my parents are in jail." That's not weird, right?
3:13 PM Nov 17th from web
|
Jonas is running around yelling, "Flame on!" Is this from a movie or some sort of anti-Prop 8 chant?
2:41 PM Nov 17th from web
|
|
New idea: We skip the private school and use that money to fly in a guest Twitterer each week to homeschool the kid.
2:19 PM Nov 17th from web
|