TIME Television

CBS Does What Goodell Wishes He Could: Make the Ray Rice Saga Go Away

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Pernell McPhee is pushed away by Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown during the first half of an NFL football game on Sept. 11, 2014, in Baltimore.
Baltimore Ravens linebacker Pernell McPhee is pushed away by Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown during the first half of an NFL football game on Sept. 11, 2014, in Baltimore. Patrick Semansky—AP

Odds are the NFL won't be able to perform the same task in just 30 minutes

Let’s make one thing clear: CBS had a nearly impossible task tonight for its inaugural Thursday Night Football broadcast. To call the Ray Rice situation the elephant in the room would be a gross understatement. If the news cycle were to dictate tonight’s football coverage, they wouldn’t have even bothered with the game.

But that’s the trouble. Most people tuning in to Thursday night’s contest weren’t doing so because they wanted to hear more about Ray Rice, Roger Goodell and the unadulterated disaster that the entire situation has become. They could have turned on ESPN or CNN or any of the countless news outlets — both on television and on the Internet — covering the event with relentless fervor. Instead, most people turning on Thursday night’s broadcast were doing so because they wanted to watch a football game, because they love the sport in spite of its ever-more apparent evils and because they want a distraction from the horrors of the rest of the world. (CBS also wisely decided to drop its opener, the Jay Z–Rihanna collaboration “Run This Town,” as well as a comedy segment.)

CBS couldn’t just ignore the situation though. And for the first 30 minutes of their pregame broadcast, they didn’t. They opened the show with James Brown, who quickly kicked it over to CBS Evening News’ Scott Pelley. Pelley provided a brief summary of the Rice situation and the most recent developments (though repeatedly showing the elevator video of Rice striking his then-fiancée Janay Palmer may not have been in the best of taste). From there, the broadcast went to NFL Network reporter Judy Battista, standing outside the NFL’s New York City headquarters, who discussed the so-called “independent” investigation set to be launched to examine NFL’s investigation into the Rice-Palmer incident.

Next up was Brown’s pretaped interview with Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, who did his best to toe the party line and proved unwilling to levy any sort of criticism at Goodell (a sample: “Why would I take an anonymous person’s word over a man I’ve known for 14 years?”). Oddly, CBS’s strongest moments came when the cameras were focused on the on-field studio crew of Brown, former Steelers head coach Bill Cowher and Deion Sanders. Moments after the Bisciotti interview ended, Cowher said bluntly, “If there’s evidence of a cover-up, with this video or anything else, I don’t see how Roger Goodell keeps his job.” Given what we’ve learned in the last 48 hours, he may as well have just said to start packing.

The capper to the Rice discussion — which also included a brief live interview with Norah O’Donnell, who had interviewed Goodell earlier in the week — was a moving monologue by Brown:

Two years ago I challenged the NFL community and all men to seriously confront the problem of domestic violence, especially coming on the heels of the murder-suicide of Kansas City Chiefs football player Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins. Yet, here we are again dealing with the same issue of violence against women.

Now let’s be clear, this problem is bigger than football. There has been, appropriately so, intense and widespread outrage following the release of the video showing what happened inside the elevator at the casino. But wouldn’t it be productive if this collective outrage, as my colleagues have said, could be channeled to truly hear and address the long-suffering cries for help by so many women? And as they said, do something about it? Like an ongoing education of men about what healthy, respectful manhood is all about.

And it starts with how we view women. Our language is important. For instance, when a guy says, “you throw the ball like a girl” or “you’re a little sissy,” it reflects an attitude that devalues women and attitudes will eventually manifest in some fashion. Women have been at the forefront in the domestic violence awareness and prevention arena. And whether Janay Rice considers herself a victim or not, millions of women in this country are.

Consider this: According to domestic violence experts, more than three women per day lose their lives at the hands of their partners. That means that since the night Feb. 15 in Atlantic City [when the elevator incident occurred] more than 600 women have died.

So this is yet another call to men to stand up and take responsibility for their thoughts, their words, their deeds and as Deion [Sanders] says to give help or to get help, because our silence is deafening and deadly.

The words themselves may not have been particularly revelatory, but the fact that they were spoken on a national broadcast just 30 minutes prior to a crucial NFL game sends a message. At least a certain portion of the fans watching from home likely didn’t agree with everything Brown said, let alone believe those words should have been part of an NFL broadcast. That they were included may not fix the wrongs that have already been committed, but perhaps signals some sort of change in an outlook that is desperately in need of one.

But then it was time to return to football. It was inevitable that the broadcast would at some point, but the relief and gusto with which CBS did so was problematic. “Time to talk football, finally,” Brown said as they returned to air just prior to 8 p.m. The attitude for the second half-hour of the pregame show undid what good work was done in the first, as though everyone just wanted to shovel down their domestic violence vegetables before getting to their tasty meat-and-potatoes entree of football.

It’s tough to criticize CBS for opening the show with the Rice saga (it would have been odd if they hadn’t), but it also provided them with an opportunity to get it out of the way before even more viewers tuned in to watch the game. Rice’s name wasn’t mentioned in the second half of the pregame show, and the situation was only mentioned obliquely, almost always in the context of how big a distraction it would prove for the Ravens.

If you thought CBS would do anything other than address the ongoing saga with the requisite amount of sobriety before turning to the ever-more-pertinent business of football, you were kidding yourself. Sometimes all you can do is survive an impossible task before returning to business as usual — it’s what CBS did, and is undoubtedly a trick that Roger Goodell and the NFL hope they can pull off in the coming weeks and months. They may not have as easy a go of it.

TIME Video Games

The Creator of Super Mario Made a Bunch of Short Films

Japanese Ninento artist and game designer Shigeru Miyamoto is pictured in London, on October 21, 2008.
Japanese Ninento artist and game designer Shigeru Miyamoto is pictured in London, on October 21, 2008. Carl De Souza—AFP/Getty Images

... about Pikmin, the weird plant creatures

He’s created some of the most famous video games of all time, and now Shigeru Miyamoto is doing some film work — naturally, based off of Nintendo characters.

Miyamoto, who’s been instrumental in creating franchises such as The Legend of Zelda and Donkey Kong and was a 2007 TIME 100 honoree, has produced PIKMIN Short Movies, a set of three 3-D short films that will premiere at the Tokyo International Film Festival this year, the festival announced Thursday.

The miniature plant-animal hybrids known as Pikmin made their debut in a 2001 game for the Nintendo GameCube, and the series has grown to include two follow-ups, the most recent of which came out last year for Nintendo’s Wii U console. The film series follows the Pikmin and the alien astronaut Captain Olimar, the game’s main character who will work with his tiny friends to explore the world, hunt for treasure and… make natural juices out of natural ingredients.

TIME celebrity

David Beckham Just Proved He’s a Bigger Fan of Jay and Bey Than Anyone Of Us Will Ever Be

Did you just get a tattoo to prove it? I didn't think so.

You might like Beyoncé and Jay Z. You might even love them. But David Beckham probably just one upped your super fandom by tattooing one of Jay Z’s lyrics from the On the Run tour on his hand.

The picture below shows four words Jay Z shouted into the crowd during a performance: “Dream big, be unrealistic.”

Celebrity Sightings In New York City - September 10, 2014
David Beckham NCP/Star Max—GC Images

According to an August tweet, Victoria was a fan of the inspiring mantra, as well:

TIME celebrities

Jennifer Garner Jokes About ‘Sexy Polaroids’

Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Garner at the premiere of Men, Women & Children at the Toronto International Film Festival. Arthur Mola—Invision/AP

"That's what we do at the Affleck house!"

Here’s one way to keep your sexy photos from getting stolen and published all over the Internet: Take polaroids instead.

“That’s what we do at the Affleck house!” Jennifer Garner joked during a recent interview with Vanity Fair about her new drama, Men, Women & Children, which takes a look at the role technology plays in sex and intimacy today. “We have a stack of sexy polaroids.”

Garner’s “tip” comes in the wake of dozens of celebrities falling victim to their nude photos being leaked, the apparent result of a hacker infiltrating a backup storage service. And it’s pretty solid “advice,” too, even if she doesn’t really have those pictures — as a mom of three, she’s concerned about the risks that the Internet and social media pose to her kids.

“It makes you feel kind of sick to your stomach,” Garner said about the movie, in which she plays an overprotective mom who’s so concerned about her teenager’s online activity that she monitors all their digital communications. “With parenting, how I feel about it, and specifically my character I guess, you’re just trying to get it right. You’re trying to do right by your kids and you’re trying to protect them.”

[Vanity Fair]

TIME viral

The Newest Drake Meme Shows That He Can Never Escape His True Identity as Jimmy From Degrassi

It's all taking place in Toronto

Sometimes, we all lose sight of the fight that before Drake was Drake, he was Aubrey Graham, a young actor on the Canadian teen drama series Degrassi.

Well, one Toronto resident is hoping to remind us of Drake’s roots by plastering pictures of his face on handicapped wheelchair signs around the city. (Drake, of course, played Jimmy, who was in a wheelchair after a shooting left him paralyzed from the waist down.)

Behold:

Behind this trend — simply called “draking” — is journalist and blogger Lauren O’Neil. She told BuzzFeed that she and her boyfriend saw an accessibility sign on the subway recently and the idea just kind of came to them. Soon, they began “draking” all over town. “We just want to make people smile,” she said.

Man, that’s kind of a bummer. We were secretly hoping this was a viral campaign for some kind of Degrassi revival.

TIME movies

Check Out the New Photo From the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

It's a tease

In celebration of protagonist Anastasia’s birthday, Fifty Shades of Grey has released yet another picture from the scandalous film. In this one Anastasia gazes pensively… with a pencil in her mouth… and that pencil has her sadistic boyfriend’s name on it.

Expect more teases… erm, teasers like these until fans just can’t take it anymore.

No wonder Charlie Hunnam had a nervous breakdown and dropped out of the movie.

TIME Television

All 153 Episodes of Gilmore Girls Are Coming to Netflix

The WB/CW

Ladies and gentlemen, start your streaming

Clear your schedule and grab some snacks: starting October 1st, all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls will be available on Netflix.

For the uninitiated, the series (created by Amy Sherman-Palladino) follows fast-talking, smart-as-a-whip, pop culture-savvy single mother Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham) raising her even-keeled and level-headed daughter Rory (Alexis Bledel) in Stars Hollow, Conn., a fictional (we checked) town that fully believes it takes a village to raise a child.

Fans who used to have to catch the show in repeats on ABC Family (or watch from carefully preserved VHS box sets) can now rewatch the series from the beginning, and there will be plenty of fuel for the fire that Christopher and Logan were the right answers. (Gauntlet, thrown.)

Over the course of the show’s seven seasons, which aired from 2000 to 2006 first on The WB and then on The CW for the final season, Rory goes from public school to prep school to Yale to study journalism. While Rory grew up on the show, so did Lorelai, who went from innkeeper to inn owner, while learning how to be a mother to a teenager and a daughter to her own estranged parents. The show focused on the relationship between the Gilmore women, but there were plenty of other relationships as well, and most comments on any Gilmore Girls posts quickly devolve into debates over whether Luke or Christopher (or Digger or Max) or Dean, Jess or Logan were worthy companions.

For hesitant entrants to the Gilmore world, it’s not a treacly mother-daughter-driven soap opera — it’s one of the best shows in recent history. The show gave Melissa McCarthy her first major role, introduced us to Jared Padalecki (now saving the world on Supernatural) and Matt Czuchry (now on The Good Wife), and brought Kelly Bishop and Edward Hermann together. It also featured guest appearances from stars like Jon Hamm (way, way before he was famous), Nick Offerman, Seth MacFarlane, Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon; Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach, too, had a reoccurring role. Adam Brody, Chad Michael Murray, Krysten Ritter, Marion Ross and even Sally Struthers were all on the show, too, just proving the show’s taste in casting was practically perfect. Plus, Gilmore Girls featured writers like Jane Espenson, who wrote for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Battlestar Galactica and Torchwood, and is now on Once Upon A Time, and Jenji Kohan, way before Weeds or Orange is the New Black made her an almost-household name.

While fans are still pining for a Gilmore Girls movie (hey, it happened for Veronica Mars), this is the next best thing. Subscribe to Netflix, order in from Luke’s and get ready for the ultimate marathon.

TIME Video Games

8 Things Bungie’s Destiny Could Have Done Better

Bungie

I’ve just finished watching the credits roll after sewing up Destiny‘s story-related finale. The credits are optional, just an icon that lights up in the lower righthand corner of the game’s map screen. You can ignore it, and no one would blame you for doing so–I have no idea who 99.8% of those people are either–but I like to give credits sequences their due.

They’re a humbling reminder that a ridiculous number of people probably devoted an insane amount of time to build something unfathomably complex. As someone on Twitter put it after I called Activision’s $500 million early sales windfall surreal: “The whole enormous enterprise of video game production is surreal.” Indeed.

So before you wade into this “cons” list, know there’s a “pros” one in the offing and that I like Destiny more than I don’t.

It’s Bungie doing what Bungie still does better than just about anyone else. It’s a slicker, no-frills version of Halo, sure, only by way of more recent online exemplars like Guild Wars 2 and Diablo 3.

Some of the game’s vistas are gobsmacking, and the way Bungie dynamically folds other players into or out of your particular game instance while keeping areas from overcrowding verges on ingenious.

I’m thoroughly impressed with that stuff, and I’ve only scratched the surface of competitive multiplayer, which I’m pretty sure Bungie views as Destiny‘s heart and soul.

But the game has several unmissable problems. Here are eight that come to mind.

The writing’s pretty terrible…

I’m sorry, Bungie’s team of crack creative writers. I’m sure you lingered over every plot point and sentence and punctuation mark, but as someone who was surprised and inspired by your grand-ol-science-fiction trailer (up to about the 1:00 mark, anyway) wrapped across a gazillion Brobdingnagian screens at Sony’s E3 presser, I was expecting a story more on par with Kim Stanley Robinson’s 2312.

Instead, Destiny feels like a paean to fictive mediocrity glommed onto shooting galleries wrapped in locales with meaningless gothic refrigerator-magnet names like “Shrine of Oryx” and “Temple of Crota” and “Rubicon Wastes.” It’s all visual sumptuousness backloaded with a boilerplate story so forgettable I probably couldn’t tell you what happened or why from memory with a gun to my head.

Halo was more ambitious (far from literary, but narratively bolder). The Library level alone was terrific. The series even inspired Hugo/Nebula-winning writer Greg Bear to write a bunch of books that play out in the Halo sandbox.

Destiny‘s story, by comparison, feels like something you get from the worst of the sorts of books you find shelved at the end of a bookstore’s sci-fi/fantasy section, the poorly written ones churned out every few months to placate franchise devotees.

Is that snobbery? Maybe, but it’s honesty from a guy still waiting for gaming’s Alan Moore or Gene Wolfe (that, and I’d argue Destiny‘s buildup promised more).

…as is the voice acting

Poor Peter Dinklage. The guy’s fantastic in Game of Thrones, no argument from me, but here he sounds like someone distractedly reading a bedtime story to a child while texting on his smartphone. My guess — knowing nothing about voice acting, mind you — is that since he plays a sentient robot-thingy, Bungie asked for a more neutral delivery, then forgot to apply the vocoder effect before shipping.

If Dinklage sounded less like bored-Dinklage and more like the computer in Wargames, we might not be having this conversation about wizards, moons and practically studied disinterest.

Carmina Burana wants its musical tropes back

Raise your hand if you’re as tired as I am of composers (in games or films) ripping off Carmina Burana‘s “O Fortuna” anytime they want to establish gravitas.

Some of the game’s music taken by itself is wonderful (I love the choral dissonances of the background music that plays while you’re in orbit, for instance), but marrying arcane-sounding lyrics and ethereal chanting/singing to climactic events for the umpteenth time is now the enemy. (As is not letting you turn the music down or off.)

It feels an awful lot like Halo

The way your health meter replenishes (and the sound it makes as it does), the fast-beeping klaxon that triggers when you’re down to a single health bar, the floating power jumps, the constant chatter of an A.I. companion you have to “deploy” to hack alien computers, the wave upon wave of enemies that storm from drop ships — Halo‘s fingerprints are all over this thing.

What’s wrong with a no-frills Halo and even better-finessed cooperative play? Nothing. Unless you’re burned out on Halo, because Destiny is strictly Bungie furiously tweaking and polishing a 13-year-old template, not subverting the genre, and certainly not tapping into whatever John Romero means (assuming he has the faintest idea what he’s talking about) when he says first-person shooters have “barely scratched the surface.”

Every mission is the same mission

Drop onto a planet’s surface, run down linear overland paths or underground corridors while taking out popup bad guys, deploy your tagalong robot at stations while fending off waves of more popup bad guys, then battle a boss. I’m not exaggerating: that’s every story mission in Destiny.

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the execution, given how well-rounded everything else feels, but know that Destiny basically has one story-based mission that it trots out ad nauseam.

Where’s random matchmaking for story missions?

Every story mission in Destiny is hypothetically cooperative, but only the Strikes (abnormally difficult boss-surrounded-by-battalions takedown missions) grab other players at random. If you want to play story missions cooperatively, you can, but you have to manually invite friends or pull up your friends list and bother nearby strangers.

It’s sometimes hard to play tactically in first-person scrums

Destiny‘s environments are busy environments. They look terrific, but they’re also overflowing with nuanced geometry in the way of irregular crevices and protrusions, especially underground. It’s easy in cramped confines crosscut by one-shot-kill energy bolts to get stuck on objects, because there’s no depth awareness when everything’s squashed into a hybrid 3D-over-2D plane.

That’s an any-first-person-shooter conundrum, to be fair, but I noticed it more than I usually do in Destiny. That may also be because Bungie employs a third-person view whenever you visit the Tower (Destiny‘s social hub where you can buy stuff, decrypt found items, pick up bounties and collect rewards).

Would a third-person view outside the Tower area break the game? If not, I’d love to see it as optional (speaking as a guy who played the game as the profession designed to lay back and snipe from cover).

Boy, do I miss Legendary mode

I’m that guy who’ll fire up a Halo on Legendary and inch along, dying just to see how each tactical scenario re-rolls: in the Halo games, the tactical permutations are endless.

In Destiny, by contrast, I’m pretty sure my knife-to-the-face/bullet-to-the-head ratio’s been about 60/40 or 70/30. With rare exception, I’m able to sprint right up to throngs of stupid-slow enemies and do the deed without recourse to cover. Playing story missions at Bungie’s recommended character levels, Destiny‘s enemies are tenpins, even when the game thinks its compensating by spawning waves in the dozens.

Halo gave you difficulty options to make that sort of tank-rush tactic punitive and often impossible. Destiny, in Bungie’s naked attempt to lubricate your journey toward its multiplayer-angled endgame, just winds up feeling tediously breezy as you roll through the story to hit the game’s level cap over its first dozen-plus hours.

TIME celebrities

Andrew Garfield on Nude Photo Hack: ‘An Abusive Violation of Womanhood’

'99 Homes' - Premiere - 71st Venice Film Festival
Andrew Garfield attends the '99 Homes' Premiere during the 71st Venice Film Festival at Sala Grande on August 29, 2014 in Venice, Italy. Ernesto Ruscio—Getty Images

"It’s violent, and it’s misogynistic, and it’s revolting," he said

Since nude photos of dozens of celebrities, including Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton, were stolen from Apple’s cloud and leaked onto the internet, several actors have weighed in on the incident. The latest lambasting of those responsible for the leak comes courtesy of actor Andrew Garfield, who shared his feelings on the scandal with The Daily Beast. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 actor called the hacks “disgusting” and “misogynistic,” deploring the man who is blowing up the photos and displaying them in an art gallery in Florida.

Here’s what Garfield had to say:

It’s disgusting. “I have a right to your naked body or images that you’ve sent to your husband, or lover.” It’s disgusting. It’s this violent, abusive violation of womanhood—of divine womanhood. It’s violent, and it’s misogynistic, and it’s revolting, and it’s another example of what this distance has enabled us to do—it’s enabled us to be disassociated from each other. There’s enough awful shit coming from it that hopefully we’ll get to the point of, “OK, wait a second.” What’s scary is that we haven’t reached that point yet, and there hasn’t been a referendum put on it. The Internet is the new Wild West. There’s a guy now taking these pictures and putting them up in an art gallery. What f***ing right does he have to do that? It’s absolutely revolting.

[The Daily Beast]

 

TIME celebrities

Watch Hugh Jackman Describe The ‘Uplifting’ Experience of Singing at Joan Rivers’ Funeral

He sang "Quiet Please, There's a Lady on Stage"

+ READ ARTICLE

Joan Rivers’ funeral was held on Sept. 7, and as she wished, it was a star-studded affair with celebrity guests like Sarah Jessica Parker, Howard Stern and Rosie O’Donnell. Rivers had also wanted X-Men star Hugh Jackman to perform at her funeral after seeing him in a musical, The Boy From Oz, 10 years ago. Jackman sang a song from that musical titled “Quiet Please, There’s a Lady on Stage.”

Jackman described the experience on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon as “uplifting” and “moving” but also “funny.”

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