CAMP PENDLETON – Lance Cpl. Robert B. Pennington got perhaps his final chance yesterday to explain why he helped snatch and kill a man last April in Hamdaniya, Iraq.

He said his squad felt its survival depended on a pre-emptive strike against insurgents in Hamdaniya.

“There was no clear effort to protect us from a clear danger,” Pennington testified on the third day of his sentencing hearing. “There was no real ability to go out there and take down the insurgency.”

Pennington called the Marine Corps' mission in Hamdaniya “fuzzy at best and convoluted at worst” and said he felt like a “sitting duck.”

Those reasons, he said, spurred him and seven other Camp Pendleton servicemen to carry out a murder plot designed to put fear in the hearts of insurgents. Pennington was on his third deployment when that plot resulted in the April 26 death of Hashim Ibrahim Awad, a retired policeman and grandfather.

On Tuesday, Pennington pleaded guilty to kidnapping and conspiracy charges stemming from the incident. He is expected to be sentenced today.

In hindsight, he added: “Saying I feel bad does not begin to describe it. I can honestly say that I am sorry that I did what I did.”

Pennington told the judge, Col. Steven Folsom, that he realized the unlawful nature of his actions. He also apologized to the Marine Corps and the victim.

“I know bad things happen during war,” he said. “My goals were not to cause any undue pain to Mr. Awad, his family or my family.”

Earlier in the day, the defendant's mother choked up while describing the changes that multiple combat tours in Iraq wrought on her son.

Deanna Pennington testified that he changed from being a goodhearted boy to a hardened man whom she barely recognized after he returned from the second battle of Fallujah in late 2004.

“My Bobby was gone; his spirit was dead,” she said. “The smile was gone. When he smiled, it never reached his eyes anymore.”

She said other aspects of her son's behavior sometimes turned bizarre.

Deanna Pennington recounted how he and a visiting Marine buddy chased a neighbor's cat because they believed it was a threat. They told her that insurgents in Iraq often attacked U.S. troops by using animals carrying explosives or diseases.

Pennington seemed moody and lethargic after coming back from Iraq the second time, his mother testified.

“He stayed in his room and watched TV. He slept a lot,” she said. “This time, even getting him out of bed was an effort.

“He was so quick to get angry, and he developed some nervous tics. He had a knife that he would stand and flick it open.”

Pennington also kept a map of Fallujah – complete with marks showing where his comrades died – in his pocket, his mother said.

“I would only ask that he be allowed to heal,” she implored the judge. “He has been at war during his entire adult life; he needs time to heal.”

The defense team then called on Glenn Lipson, a clinical psychologist in North County who interviewed Pennington, his family and others to construct a psychological profile of the defendant.

Lipson said Pennington exhibited symptoms suggesting post-traumatic stress disorder, including emotional numbness, startled responses and the sense that nothing is real.

“He had become a machine that was capable of taking life for the mission and feeling a sense of pride that he was able to do it effectively,” Lipson testified.

Pennington's behavior turned reckless after the Nov. 10, 2004, death of a close friend, Lance Cpl. Eric Hodges, in Fallujah, Lipson said.

“He did not care if he died or not,” Lipson said. “He would storm houses (in Iraq) by himself.”