Changes in Your Family
Touching Base When Things Are Changing
Keeping the Conversation Going
Keeping Family and Friends in the Loop
Getting Help When You Need It
Growing Stronger as a Family
Asking Others for Help
Your family may be going through a lot of changes. You may be
the oldest, youngest, or middle child in your family. You may live
with one parent or two. Whatever your family situation, chances
are that things have changed since your brother or sister got sick.
This section looks at some of these changes and ways that others
have dealt with them.
Does this sound like your home? |
- Are you doing more chores?
- Are you spending more time with
relatives or friends?
- Are you home alone more?
- Are you asked to help make dinner or
do the laundry?
- Are you looking after younger brothers
or sisters more?
- Do you want to just hang out with your
friends when you are needed at home?
|
Does this sound like you? |
- Do you feel like you have to be perfect and good
all the time?
- Do you try to protect your parents from anything that
might worry them?
- Do you feel like yelling, but hold it in because you don't
want to cause trouble?
No one can be perfect all the time. You need time to feel sad or
angry, as well as time to be happy. Try to let your parents and
others you trust know how you're feeling - even if you have to
start the conversation.
|
Your Relationship With Your Parents |
Your parents may ask you to take on more responsibility than
others your age. Your parents may be spending more time with
your brother or sister. You might resent it at first. Then again,
you may grow and learn a lot from the experience. See
Finding Support
for tips on talking with your parents.
|
Families say that it helps to make time to talk together - even if it's
only for a short time each week. Talking can help your family stay
connected. Here are some things to consider when talking with:
Other brothers and sisters
- If you are the oldest child, your
younger brothers or sisters may
look to you for support. Help
them as much as you can.
It's okay to let them know
that you are having a
tough time, too.
- If you are looking to your
older brother or sister for
help, tell them how you
are feeling. They can
help, but they may not
have all the answers.
Try saying
something
like this:
Your parents
- Expect your parents to feel some stress, just like you may.
Your parents may not always do or say the right thing.
- Try to make the most of the time you do have with your
parents. Let them know how much it means to you. Maybe
you can go out to dinner together, or they can come to your
sports game, from time to time.
- Sometimes you may have to take the first step to start a
conversation. You may feel guilty for wanting to have your
needs met - but you shouldn't. You are important and
loved, too.
- Keep talking with your parents, even though it may be hard.
Try saying something like this:
Try saying something like this:
Your brother or sister with cancer
- Your brother or sister may be sick from the treatment
and want to be alone. Or maybe they feel
okay and want your company.
Try saying
something
like this:
"I
just
wasn't
ready
for
all
these
changes.
My
sister
Kelly
and
I
had
always
shared
a
bedroom.
But
when
she
got
sick,
she
got
the
bedroom
because
Mom
and
Dad
had
to
keep
coming
in
during
the
night.
Some
nights
I
had
to
sleep
on
the
couch
in
the
living
room.
My
brother
Tim
and
I
can't
even
have
friends
over
as
much
anymore
because
they
could
bring
germs
when
Kelly
is
sick.
It's
very
different
now."
- Jessica,
age
13
If you're used to talking
openly at home, you might
find that your parents
aren't sharing as much
anymore.
Maybe they're trying to
protect you from bad
news or unsure about
what to tell you. Some
teens want to know a lot,
while others only want
to know a little. Tell your
parents how much you
want to know.
Over the next few weeks or months, you may overhear parts of
your parents' conversations. If what you hear confuses or scares
you, talk with your parents about what you heard.
Challenge |
Solution |
It's getting to
be too much
to answer
the phone
all the time
and tell
people
how your
brother or
sister is doing. |
Ask others to help you
share news of how your brother
or sister is doing. Maybe a
relative or family friend can be
the contact person and help let
others know how your brother or
sister is doing. Some families
use a Web site or e-mail listserv
to share this information. |
Challenge |
Solution |
Your family
can't keep up
with the
house,
meals,
and other
activities |
Friends and neighbors
often want to help make meals, clean,
drive, or look after you and your siblings.
Make a list with your parents
of what needs to get done.
Keep the list by the phone.
When people ask
what they can do to help,
pull out the list. |
"My
family
wasn't
really
close
before
my
sister
Gina
got
cancer.
We
used
to
go
our
own
way
and
never
did
much
together.
When
Gina
got
sick,
we
started
pulling
together
more.
We
talked
to
our
pastor
about
how
much
more
each
day
meant.
Now
it
seems
like
even
simple
things
are
special - like
eating
dinner
together
as
a
family."
- Jared,
age
13
Some families can
grow apart for a while
when a child has
cancer. But there are
ways to help your family
grow stronger and closer.
Teens who saw their
families grow closer say
that it happened because
people in their family:
- Tried to put themselves
in the other person's
shoes and thought about
how they would feel if they were the other person
- Understood that even though people reacted differently to
situations, they were all hurting. Some cried a lot. Others
showed little emotion. Some used humor to get by.
- Learned to respect
and talk about
differences. The
more they asked
about how others
were feeling, the
more they could
help each other.
"We all acted differently when
my middle brother Terrell got
cancer. My younger brother
started acting like a baby again
and my older brother never
seems to be home. I'm the only
girl and feel like I have to hold
it all together for my whole
family."
- Keisha, age 14
You and your family may need support from others. It can be
hard to ask. Yet most of the time people really want to help, so
don't hesitate to ask.
"Brian
and
I
are
not
just
brothers,
we're
best
friends.
When
he
got
sick,
it
was
so
hard
for
me
that
I
didn't
feel
like
doing
anything
or
talking
to
anyone.
I
felt
down
a
lot,
but
I
didn't
let
anyone
know.
Being
at
home
wasn't
much
fun
because
Brian
was
always
so
sick.
My
math
teacher
noticed
that
I
was
different
and
asked
me
what
was
up.
It's
been
good
to
have
someone
I
can
go
to
when
I
need
to
get
things
off
my
chest."
- Mike,
age
18
People that you or your parents may ask for help:
- Grandparents, aunts, and uncles
- Family friends
- Neighbors
- Teachers and coaches
- People from your religious community
- Your friends and their parents
- School nurses and guidance counselors.
Ways people can help you:
- Help with homework.
- Talk with you and listen to you.
- Give rides to school or practice.
- Invite you over or on weekend outings.
Other things people can do to help around the house:
- Buy groceries or run errands.
- Make meals.
- Mow the lawn.
- Do chores around the house.
What are some other ways that people can help you?
List some ideas here:
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