My name is CM, l will be turning 36 this year of our Lord 2009. I work with an Non Governmental Organisation in Zimbabwe. I tested positive in August 2007. I have two kids, a daughter and a son turning 16 and 10 respectively this year. Their father passed away in the year 2001, after being diagnosed with pneumonia. He was not tested for HIV and neither was I. I got into a relationship with new man in 2002 and also got a bit careless in the process by involving myself with another man. I realised that l was putting myself at a greater risk of infection or re-infection and dropped the second relationship, especially when l discovered that he had a son who was HIV positive. I later on learned that this man died in 2004, while his son passed away in 2003. It was a difficult time for me; l was too scared to share this with friends so l just kept it to myself. I continued my relationship with the other man but somehow l just felt that l needed to know my HIV status. I never faced any health problems until 2006 when l started developing some boils, one after the other. I remember suggesting to the doctor, a white doctor, who laughed at me when l suggested an HIV test for myself, because, according to him l looked healthy. He however went on to give me the laboratory forms to go for a test. I did not go immediately because l just thought that since the doctor did not suspect it then why bother. The following year, 2007, l had two other big boils on my bottom and leg. It was at that time when the crisis was at its peak in Zimbabwe. l could not even get betadine to treat my wound since l did not want to go to the doctor because it was going to turn out to be too expensive. Because the wound would not heal, l had to go to my regular doctor, who then treated me and suggested an HIV test. I told her that l already had the laboratory form from last year. I went for the test and it turned out to be positive. My world stopped for a moment, it was difficult to digest. I received counseling from my doctor, then went home. I had to tell my partner about the results, and I did not know where to start from. When l told him he got really angry and upset, and he told me that l had been irresponsible and refused to talk to me for a month. In the meantime l went for my CD4 count which was 120 and had to start the treatment. The doctor advised me that it was going to be expensive since l was going to pay for my own drugs; the government scheme would mean waiting for 2 or 3 years to get treatment. The fortunate part is that l have a good job that pays in foreign currency so l can afford it even up to now. I had to get the courage to do counseling for my partner, and I encouraged him to go for a test and suggested that we practice safe sex. This improved our relationship. My partner went for the test three times and it turned out that he is negative. I was very relieved to hear that he is negative since l was going to feel bad for having infected him. My partner has been a pillar of strength and support to me and my kids, we are happy and l am taking my drugs religiously. I have to buy my drugs from South Africa since it has been difficult to transact in Zimbabwe due to the ever spiraling inflation. I cannot also have regular CD4 count and viral load tests because of the cost. I am not ready to disclose my status to my children and family for now. I felt so encouraged by the stories that l read from the avert website and would like to encourage other women who don’t know their status to get tested. And encouraged that all people living with HIV and AIDS will live longer lives. God will continue to favour and protect us, the same way that he has given me food in a country that had empty shelves and the same way that he has allowed me to have access to drugs in a country that hit the 2 billion percent inflation mark, AMEN.

I came across your web site and I wanted to share my story. I think it is important that people are aware that heterosexual women can and do contract HIV, even if they believe they are not at risk.

I was awoken one morning by the phone. I remember thinking, "If it is important, they will leave a message," and then falling back asleep. Later that day, I noticed the message light blinking on the phone. After a few ordinary messages, a woman from the South Texas Blood and Tissue Center (STBTC) left a message saying that it was very important that I return her phone call today.

I thought she might be trying to recruit me as a blood donor again, as I recently had donated blood. In fact, I had already received the letter in the mail, just as they had promised, informing me of my blood type and cholesterol and blood sugar levels. I had already done my duty for the year as far as blood donating was concerned so I didn’t return her call right away.

As I ran my errands that afternoon, the message played over and over again in my head. I began to have an unsettling feeling, and I was unsure why. As I hurriedly returned to my apartment, I could hardly wait to return her call.

The woman first asked me a few minor questions to confirm that she was speaking to the right person. After a short exchange, she requested that I come into their office to have my blood retested. When I asked the reason, she replied, “You failed the preliminary test for HIV."

I dropped the phone and began to sob. My then boyfriend, Lupe, ran over to me, took me into his arms and asked me what was wrong. He handed the phone back to me; however, I cannot recall a thing the woman said. The only thoughts running through my head were about Lupe. If I had contracted this horrible disease, had I passed it on to him? We had been dating for two years at that point, and he had been tested for STDs only the year before at a checkup. His HIV test was negative. But I had not been tested.

I called my brother, who is HIV positive. I didn't know where else to turn. He told me if I went back to the STBTC, that it could take as long as four weeks to get results back and I would have to pay for it. He directed me then to the San Antonio Aids Foundation (SAAF). He said they could get the results in days, and it would only cost me $20. Lupe and I arrived at the SAAF the next morning, as soon as the facility opened. A counselor quickly greeted us. The process was explained, and we were given paperwork to fill out. We each were assigned a separate number so that our names would not be used and the test results would be confidential.

The nurse who drew my blood could sense I was nervous and began making small talk. I realized that this was the first time I wasn't entirely sure where my future laid. I was about to start nursing school, and now I wasn't so sure this would happen. The nurse told me that he was HIV-positive, and he said nothing should stop me from pursuing my education. He said, "Even if your results come back positive, you will have an illness, you won't be dead."

I had a million things running through my head. I still had concerns about Lupe and whether he would be okay, if in fact my results were positive. I pondered about school. And most of all, I questioned how this could happen to me. I have an older brother who is HIV positive and had educated myself about HIV and AIDS. At that moment I realized that having all the tools and using all of the tools are two separate entities. I was quite wild just a few years earlier. My early twenties were spent out and about – lots of parties, lots of clubs, lots of new people, and I hate to admit it, but a few one night stands that were entered into unprotected. WHAT WAS I THINKING? I wasn't thinking, that was part of the problem. Just being young and dumb with no regards to anything, and I guess, no regard for my life and future.

We returned to the SAAF on Monday. A counselor met us at the front desk. He asked Lupe to come in first; I found that very strange, as I had gone in first to have my blood drawn and my number was first. I asked if I could come in and "confidentiality" was all that was said as the door closed. I suppose that was the first time that I realized that I was positive. I believe they called Lupe in first to inform him of his negative results so that when I came out with my positive results, he did not go into shock waiting for his answer.

Where do I go from here? I had no idea where to start or whom to turn to. I returned to my home in Del Rio at a completely different place in my life than the few days earlier when I left. I didn't even know where to start. I did not have health insurance. I had only moved to Del Rio the year before and was working at a small mom and pop owned restaurant that didn't offer benefits. How was I going to pay for a doctor or the medication? Where would I even find a doctor like that in such a small town? What if someone finds out about me? I picked up the phone book and located the local health department. I thought they may be able to help.

I learned that the local health department could not help me and that Del Rio doesn't really have community services such as those available in San Antonio. Del Rio doesn’t even have an infectious disease doctor. But the health department was able to refer me to services in another town, which provides counseling, case management, housing funds, transportation services, and medication assistance to HIV positive clients. I quickly phoned their office, and asked to speak to the man I was referred to, Gustavo. I was transferred to him without delay. Gustavo answered the phone with a jovial "Hello." I remember wondering why he was so happy as I told my sad story, once again. Gustavo immediately said, "We can help you. No problem. When can you come to meet with me?" I told him I would come as soon as he could see me. He was ready right then.

As we sat in front of Gustavo, he appeared to look puzzled. I guess I did not look like a typical HIV positive individual. I think I may have been his first female client. We talked for hours, and of course he was curious as to how I had contracted HIV. I have never used drugs, with a needle or otherwise, and had never been a “sex worker." I had, however, had unprotected sex. I also had multiple tattoos and body piercings, which I learned poses a very small risk of contracting the virus if the equipment is not sterile. Likely culprit: stupidity and alcohol leading to unprotected sex. Not a good combination.

I am living positive, as well as healthy and happy. I am 43 days away from being married to my soul mate, Clyde. We have a wonderful life, and I am also finishing my book and my education. Thanks for the opportunity to share my story.