Home Safety

Before you sprint through your kitchen carrying a pan of flaming grease, be sure to first put on your fireproof suit, tell your spouse and kids to get out of the room, take down the drapes, open the door, make sure your insurance is up to date, call the fire department, and give them time to arrive. Then have at it. You might make it. Or you could just keep a lid handy. Which ever seems easier.

Dads and lads—a sure formula for disaster, especially when one of them is three years old and the other acts like he is.

Regardless of how fast they can cover a hundred meters, no one in the history of the world has ever been able to outrun the fireball that blossoms when they throw a match into a pile of brush you've just doused with gasoline.

Every time someone dumps two gallons of gasoline on a pile of wood (wet or otherwise), then asks you to light it with your cigarette lighter, the results will never vary: you'll catch your face on fire--every time.

Every major labor-saving device meant to help us subdue the great outdoors seems to offer yet another opportunity to slice, dice, chop or puree parts of our anatomy. The ability of the common lawn mower to reduce the number of little piggies available for such tasks as going to market and having roast beef has been well-documented.

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