ALSAFE 037/09
SECINFO/U/-//
MSGID/GENADMIN/COMNAVSAFECEN/00/JUN//
SUBJ/THE NOT-SO FUNNIES//
GENTEXT/REMARKS/1. WELCOME TO THE LATEST FRIDAY FUNNIES, 
MORE INSIGHT INTO EXACTLY WHAT ROBERT BURNS MEANT BY THE 
WORD "AGLEY."
A. AN AT2 IN FLORIDA WAS WORKING ON A FAN, THE REPORT SAYS, 
"AND THE FAN TURNED WITHOUT THE SAFETY GUARD OVER THE FAN 
BECAUSE THE FAN WAS INSTALLED BACKWARDS." THAT MEANS "THE 
FAN GUARD WAS INSIDE INSTEAD OF OUTSIDE." DEFINITELY SOUNDS 
LIKE THE FAN NEEDED SOME WORK, DON'T YOU AGREE?
   THE FLY IN THE OINTMENT WAS THAT THE FAN BLADE LOPPED 
OFF THE TIP OF THE SAILOR'S FINGER. HE MISSED SIX DAYS OF 
WORK. I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THOSE THINGS "BLADES."
   NOTE: WE HAVE REQUESTED CUSTODY OF THIS FAN SO THAT IT 
CAN BE INSTALLED IN THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS MUSEUM. NO ONE 
HERE HAS EVER SEEN A FAN THAT HAS THE GUARD ON THE INSIDE. 
B. SEEMS A SAILOR IN WASHINGTON STATE WAS DRIVING TO A 
WALMART, A FEW BLOCKS OFF BASE. HE APPROACHED A TRAFFIC 
LIGHT. "OUT OF NOWHERE AN EMERGENCY VEHICLE WITHOUT ANY 
LIGHTS ON OR SIRENS" SLAMMED INTO THE PASSENGER SIDE OF HIS 
CAR, HE LATER SAID. HE WAS SOON EN ROUTE TO THE NEAREST 
E.R. IN A NECK BRACE, ACCOMPANIED BY HIS PASSENGER IN A 
STRETCHER. 
   FOR THE RECORD, "OUT OF NOWHERE" MEANS SOMEONE ISN'T 
PAYING ATTENTION. EITHER THAT, OR THEY HAVE FINALLY 
PERFECTED THOSE TRANSPORTERS THAT THE "STAR TREK" CREW USES 
TO MATERIALIZE AND DEMATERIALIZE.
C. AFTER LUNCH ONE DAY, AN EMFN NOTICED THAT A LIGHT SWITCH 
WAS TURNED OFF IN HIS WORKCENTER, WHICH HAPPENED TO BE THE 
LIGHTING SHOP. THE LIGHT SWITCH WAS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED 7 
FEET OFF THE DECK, THUS HE NEEDED SOME VERTICAL ASSISTANCE, 
WHICH HE DISCOVERED IN THE FORM OF THE SEAT PART (MINUS THE 
BACK) OF A ROLLING CHAIR THAT HAD BEEN TAGGED FOR DISPOSAL. 
HE CLIMBED UP BUT STILL COULDN'T QUITE FLIP THE SWITCH.
   NOTE: NOT SURE WHY THE SWITCH WAS 7 FEET OFF THE DECK. 
NOT SURE IF IT WAS REALLY 7 FEET, EITHER, SINCE HE STILL 
COULDN'T REACH IT FROM ATOP A CHAIR.
   WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO. FIND A LADDER? NAH. FIND A 
BIGGER CHAIR? NAH. JUMP UP A LITTLE? YUP.
   THIS DARING ACTION ROLLED THE CHAIR ENOUGH SO THAT HE 
MISSED HIS LANDING AND TOPPLED DOWN ONTO THE NON-SKID, 
BREAKING BONES IN HIS LEG. AN AMBULANCE RIDE AND A SURGERY 
LATER, HE WAS ALL SET FOR TWO MONTHS OF LIMPDU.
D. AHH, NOTHING LIKE LIGHTING PROBLEMS IN THE LIGHTING 
SHOP. REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER RECENT REPORT. A CIVILIAN 
FIREFIGHTER IN TEXAS WAS FIXING DINNER IN THE FIRE-STATION 
KITCHEN. WHEN HE OPENED THE OVEN DOOR, THE REPORT SAYS, "A 
BALL OF FIRE SHOT OUT."
   WHICH MAKES ME THINK, WELL, IF IT HAS TO HAPPEN 
SOMEWHERE, I GUESS THAT'S THE BEST PLACE FOR IT.
   THEN THERE WAS THE EMPLOYEE ON THE STAFF OF OUR LOCAL 
SELF-HELP PROJECT OFFICE, LOCATED IN AN ANCIENT WAREHOUSE 
NEAR THE SUMMARY OF MISHAPS CORPORATE OFFICES. HE SAID THAT 
THE BASE HAD TURNED DOWN HIS OWN REQUEST FOR A SELF-HELP 
PROJECT IN HIS SPACES, BECAUSE THE WAREHOUSE WAS SLATED FOR 
DEMOLITION AND IT WOULDN'T BE WORTH IT. THIS ISN'T SAFETY-
RELATED, I KNOW, BUT I WANTED YOU TO BE PREPARED NEXT TIME 
SOMEONE ASKS FOR AN EXAMPLE OF IRONY.
2. THAT'S ALL FOR THIS TIME, AMIGOS. UNTIL NEXT WEEK, 
ASSUMING YOU KNOW YOUR ROBERT BURNS QUOTES OR HAVE LOOKED 
UP "AGLEY," WE TRUST THAT NONE OF YOUR OWN PLANS GO 
THERE.//