Ask the Government: 60sec (2007) (featuring USA.gov)
Open on a station wagon rolling into a national park. Luggage is strapped to the roof and the family emerges, stretching and tired by the long drive. The dad approaches a friendly park ranger.
DAD: You work for the government, right? Can you tell me how to get student loans for the kids here?
Ranger shakes head.
RANGER: Oh, I don’t know about that…you wanna see a geyser?
Dad turns to family.
DAD: Back in the car!
Family trundles back into the car and pulls away.
Cut to shots of USA.gov web page.
V/O: Need federal, state or local government information? Go to the official source: USA.GOV.
Open on the space shuttle on launch pad at Cape Canaveral. Cut to inside of shuttle cockpit. An astronaut flips buttons, checks gauges.
MISSION CONTROL: Countdown clock holding at T minus nine minutes.
ASTRONAUT: Copy that.
Suddenly there is a knock on the shuttle window. A young couple wave eagerly to the astronaut.
HUSBAND: Hey there! You work for the government, right?
The astronaut nods hesitantly.
HUSBAND: Great! Because we just got married and the wife here needs to change her driver’s license.
WIFE: Stone-Karpinsky. I’m hyphenating.
Astronaut looks confused.
ASTRONAUT: Mission control…I think we have a problem.
Cut to USA.gov web site. Show navigation of pages and searches being typed.
V/O: Go to USA.GOV, for everything from renewing your passport to changing your driver’s license.
Cut to an interrogation room where two agents wait for a gangster’s confession.
LEAD AGENT: Well?
GANGSTER: You work for the feds, right?
The agents nod. The gangster’s demeanor changes as he leans in and asks a question.
GANGSTER: Can I find a slightly used hatchback at one of those government auctions? Something roomy but practical.
The agents look at each other, perplexed.
GANGSTER: With a sunroof?
LEAD AGENT: A sunroof?
GANGSTER: You know…
Cut to end frame showing logo and url.
Ask the Government: 15sec (2006) (featuring USA.gov)
Cut to an interrogation room where two agents wait for a gangster’s confession.
LEAD AGENT: Well?
GANGSTER: Feds, right?
The agents nod. The gangster’s demeanor changes as he leans in and asks a question.
GANGSTER: Can I find a slightly used hatchback at one of those government auctions? Something roomy but practical.
V/O: Need government information? Go to the official source: 1 (800) FED-INFO.
Cut to end frame showing logo and url.
TITLE: Monuments: 60sec (2006)
Open on a young woman walking up to the Jefferson Memorial.
GIRL: Um, how do I speed up a passport application for a trip I’m taking?
Cut to close-up of Jefferson’s face.
ANNOUNCER: Don’t bring your government questions to just anyone. Go to the official source: FirstGov.gov. From local weather to student loans.
GIRL: You could really use some people skills.
YOUNG MAN: Hey! How do I get in on a government auction?
Cut to close-up of Mt. Rushmore.
YOUNG MAN: You know, like, for a car?
ANNOUNCER: Go to FirstGov.gov. From changing your address to government auctions to renewing your driver’s license.
YOUNG MAN: Hey, don’t everybody chime in at once!
MAN: (Looking up to Lincoln Memorial statue) What’s early retirement going to do to my Social Security? Hello?
Cut to close-up of Lincoln.
ANNOUNCER: FirstGov.gov. From Social Security to Medicare, it’s a monumental source of information about federal, state, and local government.
MAN: You did work for the government, right?
LOGO: FirstGov.gov
TITLE: Monuments: 20sec (2006)
Open on a young woman walking up to the Jefferson Memorial.
GIRL: Um, how do I speed up a passport application for a trip I’m taking?
Cut to close-up of Jefferson’s face.
ANNOUNCER: Don’t bring your government questions to just anyone. Call 1 (800) FED-INFO for all your federal, state and local government information.
GIRL: You could really use some people skills.
ANNOUNCER: 1 (800) FED-INFO
TITLE: Uncle Sams: 60sec (2004)
Open on Three Sams in an elevator. Cut to a bustling office. People hard at work on computers, on telephones. Everyone dressed like Uncle Sam.
Guy Sam: Whistling “I’m A Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
Cut to a male Uncle Sam at a computer. Over his shoulder we see him load information onto the FirstGov.gov web site. He jumps up from his desk and lights a sparkler.
VO: This is FirstGov.gov. Where we’re obsessed with getting you government information.
Sam: Brand new Student Loan applications on the site, baby. This calls for a celebration. Who’s your uncle?
In an office, we see an older male Sam and interviews a young Sam. He brags.
Sam: …so in the end it was either take the astronaut gig or come work here. What can I say? Duty called.
Cut to lunch room. One Sam reaches for a coffee cup. It is marked “Sam.”
Sam: Dude, that’s my cup.
Other Sam: Oh, sorry.
Sam: No, I’m pretty sure that’s Sam’s cup. No. Sam’s. No…
VO: Just log on or email us and get what you need.
Cut to the office kitchen. It is a working lunch. Employees play a FirstGov.gov version of the ‘alphabet game’ while they eat lunch.
Sam: …C…Change of address form. That’s how it’s done.
Sam: …D…Driver’s license renewal.
Sam: …E…E (struggling) Uh. E-mailing Social Security information.
Sam:…okay…
Sam: …Nice, we’ll allow it.
Sam: …All right…F…
Cut to a copy machine
Sam: What are those?
Sam: Government surplus cars for auction.
Sam: You posted those online last time.
Sam: No, you did.
We see them wrestling on the ground
Sam: I’m posting them online this time.
SUPER: FirstGov.gov
VO: For all of your government information…FirstGov.gov.
TITLE: Uncle Sams: 30sec (2004)
Open on a bustling office. People hard at work on computers, on telephones. Everyone dressed like Uncle Sam.
Cut to a male Uncle Sam at a computer. Over his shoulder we see him load information onto the FirstGov.gov web site. He jumps up from his desk and lights a sparkler.
VO: This is FirstGov.gov.
Sam: Brand new Student Loan applications on the site, baby. This calls for a celebration.
VO: Where we’re obsessed with getting you government information.
Cut to an Uncle Sam wearing headphones and singing along badly
SAM: I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy, Yankee
Cut to two Sams at a copy machine
Sam: What are those?
Sam: Government surplus cars for auction.
Sam: You posted those online last time.
Sam: No, you did.
We see them wrestling on the ground
Sam: I’m posting them online this time.
SUPER: FirstGov.gov
VO: Just log on or email us and get what you need…FirstGov.gov.
TITLE: Uncle Sams: 20sec (2004)
Open on the Guy Sams walking slowly and with purpose down an office hallway toward camera.
VO:
When you need a student loan.
When you’re looking for social security information.
When you need a passport for that safari in Botswana.
They’re ready.
For all your government information,
call the folks in…red, white and blue.
1-800-FED-INFO
SUPER: 1- 800-FED-INFO
TITLE: In the Pink (2002)
The scene opens with a lady with pink hair sitting in traffic in a pink car with a pink dog.
Announcer: Waiting in line...
to wait in...
another line...
to get a government form
... is really old hat
But you don't have to wait in line
A LAPTOP COMPUTER FALLS FROM THE SKY
because now the government is officially online.
FirstGov.gov brings the Federal Government to your computer
In an instant you can print out
LADY TAKES PINK FORM FROM PRINTER
the same Social Security form you're waiting in line for
You can also get a passport application, buy surplus government property...
you name it
With FirstGov.gov, its easy and secure to get tax forms or even apply for student aid. Its the official web portal of the Federal Government,
LADY: (TO THE DOG)
Pinky, we're out of here... Come on Pinky, I'll buy you a steak
ANNOUNCER: FirstGov.gov. The waiting is over.
SUPER: FirstGov.gov, official web portal of the Federal Government.
TITLE: Parrot Talk (2002)
The scene opens inside a pet shop. A man enters the shop carrying a large bird. The man puts the bird on a stand by the counter and begins to complain to the pet shop owner.
Customer: I want my money back! This parrot doesn’t talk!
Shop Owner: Yes he does.
Annoyed:
Customer: No, he doesn’t.
Shop Owner: He’s pretty clever. Watch: Plato…suppose this man wants to…oh…buy surplus government property. How would he do that?
Plato: Call 1 (800) FED INFO.
Shop Owner: Plato, in your big opera voice, tell him how he can get a copy of his birth certificate.
Flapping his wings and tilting his head back:
Plato: 1 (800) FED INFOOOOOOOO!
Customer: Is that all he says, 1 (800) FED INFO?
Playfully insulted:
Shop Owner: Try getting that from a lizard! Plato here knows the number for the Federal Consumer Information Center, where you’ll find all you’ll need to know about government benefits and services. And you can talk to a real person.
Delighted:
Customer: Really?
Shop Owner: Plato, how can this man find out about his Social Security benefits?
In an Elvis imitation:
Plato: 1 (800) FED INFO…Oh yeah!
Smiling and walking out of the store with the bird:
Customer: I’ll keep him. He talked me into it.
OPEN ON A CLOSEUP OF A SENIOR
CITIZEN WITH A FRUSTRATED EXPRESSION. SHE’S PULLING ON THE
HANDLE OF SOMETHING.
Announcer: up in the air about where to get help with a
consumer problem—like that stubborn refrigerator you just
bought?
HER SMALL DOG WATCHES THE HUMOROUS STRUGGLE.
WIDE SHOT OF THE WOMAN IN HER KITCHEN SUSPENDED IN MID-AIR
TRYING TO OPEN HER REFRIGERATOR.
VARIETY OF CLOSEUPS OF THE WOMAN’S FACE AS SHE STRUGGLES
WITH THE REFRIGERATOR.
…and all your appliance dealer does is give you the cold
shoulder?
THE DOG CHATTERS HIS TEETH.
CUT TO A SHOT OF THE WINDOW CONSTRUCTED ON A SLANT.
What about that window? You still haven’t straightened it
out with your contractor.
THE DOG REACTS BY TILTING HIS HEAD THE SAME WAY THE WINDOW IS
SLANTED.
THE WOMAN IS STILL STRUGGLING WITH THE REFRIGERATOR. THE
PHONE RINGS AND SHE LOOKS OVER HER SHOULDER.
Oh, and telemarketers that won’t stop calling?
ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE, WE HEAR A TELEMARKETER.
Telemarketer: I know you’re there, and have I got a deal
for you…
THE DOG RUNS INTO THE ROOM WITH THE ANSWERING MACHINE.
Dog: Barking.
CUT TO THE DOG WITH HIS PAW ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE CANCEL
BUTTON, CUTTING OFF THE TELEMARKETER IN MID-PITCH.
CUT BACK TO THE WOMAN ON THE REFRIGERATOR REACTING TO THE
ANNOUNCER.
Announcer: And how about that lemon of a car that keeps
letting you down?
WE WATCH AS THE DOG’S HEAD GOES FROM TOP TO BOTTOM
FOLLOWING THE WOMAN’S DESCENT FROM THE REGRIGERATOR TO THE
FLOOR (WE DON’T SEE HER).
SFX: Slide & thump
CUT TO THE WOMAN SRAIGHTENING UP AS SHE WALKS.
Announcer: Well stand up for your rights! Log on to pueblo.gsa.gov
and use the power of the Internet and the Federal Government.
SUPER: www.pueblo.gsa.gov
MONTAGE OF KEY PAGES OF THE WEBSITE
At pueblo.gsa.gov, you’ll find the Consumer Action Website.
It’s free from the place you trust, Pueblo, Colorado.
CUT TO THE WOMAN WITH THE DOG AT HER COMPUTER.
THE WOMAN’S FACE LIGHTS UP AS SHE FINDS NAMES, COMPANIES,
ETC. THAT APPEAR ON THE FULL COMPUTER SCREEN FROM HER POINT OF
VIEW.
It’s got thousands of links to companies and government
agencies—the names, numbers, advice…everything you need to
get your wrongs righted.
CUT TO THE DOG SUSPENDED IN MID-AIR TRYING TO OPEN A KITCHEN
DRAWER AND GROWLING. THE WOMAN IS IN THE BACKGROUND AT THE
COMPUTER.
Remember pueblo.gsa.gov…
’cause you never know what else could go wrong
TITLE: Best Friend (2000)
ANNOUNCER: Hi ya, Fido. Why the long face?
Here this present will cheer you up...
I know what's got you down.
That contractor that was supposed to fix your roof goofed...and left you
holding the bucket.
And that new car that won't go...when you told the car guy the problem all
he said was..."I don't know."
That got you feeling like an old hound dog?
Well, open your present, Fido.
Your dog days are over, Rover.
Listen!
It's the new Consumer Action Handbook.
Free from the government.
With this puppy you'll get repairs repaired...credit fraud
fixed...telemarketers silenced...wrongs righted.
Look!
Companies, government agencies, names, numbers...with this book, nobody will
treat you like a dog.
You at home...Pick up the phone.
Get your free Consumer Action Handbook....
Call toll-free 1 (888) 8 PUEBLO or log on to www.pueblo.gsa.gov.
It's a consumer's new best friend.
TITLE: OH, PUEBLO! (1999)
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER.
INTERVIEWER: (HUSHED) Excuse me, ma’am, Do you know about the
government’s Consumer Information Center?
WOMAN: No.
INTERVIEWER: You know - free, instant information here on the web?
SFX: COMPUTER KEYS TAP IN SEQUENCE WITH APPEARANCE OF LETTERS ON SCREEN.
INTERVIEWER: Surely you’ve called for the free Consumer Information
Catalog?
YOUNG WOMAN: No.
INTERVIEWER: That’s not who you were just calling?
YOUNG WOMAN: No, it wasn’t.
SFX: PHONE TONES SOUND AS EACH NUMBER AND LETTER APPEARS ON SCREEN.
INTERVIEWER: For free information on topics like raising healthy children?
Investing for retirement? Buying surplus government property? Getting
federal benefits? Information that’s always up-to-date? And always
accessible, wherever you go?
ELDERLY WOMAN: Well, that sounds interesting.
INTERVIEWER: You know, Pueblo, Colorado?!?
FATHER: Ohhh, Pueblo!
MAN: Ohhh, Pueblo!
YOUNG WOMAN: Ohhh, Pueblo!
WOMAN: Ohh, Pueblo!
As in www.pueblo.gsa.gov.
That’s my favorite web site.
INTERVIEWER: See, everyone knows the Consumer Information Center.
VOICE OVER: Pueblo!
INTERVIEWER: Even if they know it by another name.
WOMAN: Is this gonna be on TV?
MUSIC OUT.
TITLE: BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING (1998)
SFX: Soft music in and under. Baby laughs,
gurgles, etc.
VOICE OVER: A baby…changes everything.
It turns a couple into parents, your parents into grandparents, your
brothers and sisters into aunts and uncles. A baby changes how you invest
and do your taxes.
SFX: Baby makes raspberry noise.
VOICE OVER: A baby changes what you buy, the way you drive your car,
everything. And while change is good, usually, you can always use a little
help. That’s why the free Consumer Information Catalog from Pueblo,
Colorado offers you more than two hundred free and low-cost federal
publications. Just call toll-free 1-888-8-PUEBLO and help is on the way,
even if you don’t have a baby.
TITLE: CATALOG UNIVERSITY (1997)
MUSIC: SPORTS THEME IN AND UP.
VOICE OVER: There’s a college near Pueblo, Colorado where it takes more
than brains to succeed. Because to be a Consumer Information Catalog you
must be quick enough to respond instantly when folks dial toll-free
1-888-8-PUEBLO. Strong enough to list more than 200 free and low cost
federal publications. Slim enough to fit through a mail slot. And you’ve
got to be helpful, like the booklets inside you on saving money, educating
children, buying a car, getting federal benefits, staying healthy and more!
COACH: Sure, I’m hard on my Catalogs, but more people than ever are
calling 1-888-8-PUEBLO. And when they do, I want them to get the best free
listing of government publications in the world!
VOICE OVER: To make it at Catalog U, you must have a dream.
SFX: WHISTLE BLOWING.
VOICE OVER: that one day, when proud Americans dial toll-free 1-888-8-PUEBLO
for the latest free Catalog you’ll have what it takes…
SFX: CROWD CHEERING
VOICE OVER: to answer the call!
SFX: PHONE RINGING.
TITLE: IT’S A BREEZE (1996)
SFX: STRONG WIND BLOWING.
MAN: It’s a breeze to get free and low-cost consumer information from the
U.S. Government. All you need is a pen, and a postcard, and this address.
Just drop it in the mail and you’ll get a free Consumer Information
Catalog…from which you can order these free and low-cost booklets on
topics such as saving money, staying healthy, educating your children and
getting federal benefits, which can make life on THIS…a whole lot easier.
Speaking of easy, if you have a computer you can get the same great
information that’s in the booklets. Just use this web site address to
download the information for free. So remember—to get all this great info,
use a computer, or the corner mailbox. Oh, no!
Either way you’ll be better prepared for whatever life throws at you. Just
write:
SFX: PROPELLER AIRPLANE SOUNDS.
MAN: Free Info, Pueblo, Colorado 81009 or see our Internet home page!
TITLE: PUEBLO 81009 (1995)
VOICE OVER: Last time on Pueblo 81009…
ALEXA: Take whatever you want, the cars, the mansion. But not my Consumer
Information Catalog.
BRAD: Your Catalog, I sent my name and address to New Catalog, Pueblo,
Colorado 81009. This free listing of helpful government publications is mine
and you want to steal it.
ALEXA: Oh, Brad…I would never do that.
DOCTOR: He can’t remember a thing, uh, he has, uh…
TIFFANY: Amnesia?
TIFFANY: Marco, remember using this free Catalog to send for these free and
low-cost government publications…on saving money, getting federal
benefits, staying healthy…and the Catalog is free…free…free.
MARCO: Free? Information on educating our children, financing our
retirement, finding a job, getting in shape, starting a business, credit
problems…
VOICE OVER: Send your name and address to New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado
81009. Don’t forget like Marco.
MARCO: Marco, who’s Marco?
TITLE: SUNNY PUEBLO (1994)
ANNOUNCER: It’s that time again. Time to send for the
federal government’s brand new…free Consumer Information Catalog…from
sunny Pueblo, Colorado.
Billy here has his, and boy, is he proud. Yes, you too, can become
smarter…impress your friends…great catch, Bob!…and make life easier
with the wealth of knowledge you’ll receive from your free Catalog.
The Catalog is full of nifty free and low-cost publications on topics
like…saving money…getting federal benefits…staying fit…eating
right…even educating your children. Gee, Mary, that’s swell!
Yes, it’s the free Consumer Information Catalog. To get yours, send
absolutely nothing but your name and address to: Free Catalog, Pueblo, CO
81009.
Hurry, tell a friend!
That address again, Free Catalog, Pueblo, CO 81009.
Makes a great gift.
TITLE: BABIES AND PUPPIES (1993)
ANNOUNCER: According to television research, viewers like
you are attracted to babies, puppies, and the word TITLE: free, which is why
we’re using them to draw your attention to the federal government’s free
Consumer Information Catalog from, where else, Pueblo, Colorado. The Catalog
lists free and low-cost government publications on saving money, finding a
job, educating your children, buying a home, getting federal benefits,
staying healthy…
BABY: Coooo!
DOG: Bark!
ANNOUNCER: Sorry, I thought I was losing you there for a second.
Now, where were we? Oh yeah, best of all, the Consumer Information Catalog
is free! And so are many of the publications listed inside. To get your free
Consumer Information Catalog, send your name and address to:
Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009. That address again: Catalog, Pueblo,
Colorado 81009.
TITLE: MUSTARD (1992)
MAN: Come on, play it again.
NEWSWOMAN: We’ll be right back with sports and weather right after this
message.
ANNOUNCER: If you need information…
MAN: Yes!
ANNOUNCER: On money…
MAN: I do.
ANNOUNCER: health and nutrition…
MAN: Yes!
ANNOUNCER: educating your children…
MAN: That’s me!
ANNOUNCER: and more…Then you need the government’s free Consumer
Information Catalog.
MAN: Just give me the address.
ANNOUNCER: Send your name and address to:
New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
MAN: No ink!
ANNOUNCER: The free Catalog lists publications on getting a job, exercising,
buying a home, and much more.
ANNOUNCER: Getting your free Consumer Information Catalog and free sample
booklet…
MAN: Pencil!
ANNOUNCER: is as easy as sending your name and address to:
New Catalog…(SFX: PENCIL SNAP) Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
MAN: I don’t believe this.
ANNOUNCER: The free Catalog will give you access to hundreds of government
publications, many of which are free. For those of you who missed it…That
address again: New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
MAN: I got it! I got it!
ANNOUNCER: The free Consumer Information Catalog.
First-class information for the price of a first-class stamp.
MAN: Yes!
TITLE:
STAR WITNESS (1991)
PROSECUTOR: Mr. Wilkins, how did you get your hands on
this vital government information?
WILKINS: It came from Pueblo, Colorado, sir.
PROSECUTOR: This entire listing of government booklets?
PROSECUTOR: And how much did you pay for this catalog?
WILKINS: It was free.
GALLERY MURMURS.
PROSECUTOR: Now, sir, help me understand why our Government would allow you
access to everything they know about money, food, federal benefits,
exercise, jobs, and cars? For free?
WILKINS: Well, I did pay for the stamp to get it.
PROSECUTOR: So, you procured this through the mail. Who was your contact?
WILKINS: My mailman?
PROSECUTOR: I mean, to whom did you write?
WILKINS: Oh, I sent my name and address to Free Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado,
81009.
PROSECUTOR: And you received this Consumer Information Catalog and sample
booklets. For free?
VOICE OVER: When they ask you what you paid for this information, tell ‘em
nothin.’
SFX:
MUSIC UP.
WILKINS: Absolutely free.
JUDGE: Case dismissed!
SFX: GAVEL & AUDIENCE APPLAUD.
TITLE:
PEOPLE IN PUEBLO (1990)
(MUSIC UP AND UNDER)
VOICE OVER: People in Pueblo, Colorado can’t really say why they do things
better than most.
GARDEN LADY: I was born with a green thumb, I guess.
VOICE OVER: ‘Course, it’s got nothing to do with Pueblo being the home
of the Consumer Information Catalog.
YOUNG SCIENCE WHIZ: Just a little something I made for science class.
VOICE OVER: No, it’s got nothing to do with that Catalog’s list of
almost two hundred government booklets. On everything from jobs and
financial affairs…
GRANDMA: I’ve always been good with numbers…That’s a dog. Sell!
VOICE OVER: …to education, federal benefits, health and exercise. So,
naturally, you wouldn’t expect these folks to tell you that getting a free
Catalog and sample booklet is as easy as sending your name and address to
Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009. You see, the people in Pueblo can’t
really say why they do things better than most.
JOGGER: Great day for a run!
VOICE OVER: But could it have anything to do with writing for a free
Consumer Information Catalog?
JOGGER: Nah.
TITLE: REBECCA
(1989)
VOICE OVER:
A message from the Consumer Information Center…in Pueblo, Colorado.
(MUSIC & SFX UP THROUGHOUT.)
VOICE OVER:
If you’d like to…
give your house some minor tweaks, fix up eentsy, beentsy leaks…
run a shop that’s all your own…buy yourself a cozy home…
steer away from crummy deals, protect your car from roof to wheels…
trim your tummy, thighs and hips…go on safe, exotic trips…
stay away from hacks and quacks, blow away those sneeze attacks…
teach your kids the ABC’s, how to write and how to read…
get rid of little pests that bug you, ones that crawl or buzz above you…
bag the junk food in your diet, know what’s inside before you buy it…
bank on stocks and count on bonds, stay away from market cons…
then you’ll want this free and helpful book, listing 200 Government
pamphlets.
Look!
For this new edition, just drop a line, write: New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado
81009.
TITLE: HISTORY (1988)
SFX: Haunting wind as if from another age.
VOICE OVER:
In the beginning…people had problems sending for…
Music: Light and lilting.
…the free Consumer InformationCatalog so they could order
Government booklets to help them stay healthy…do home repairs and keep
food safe.
SFX: Clang of rock dropping into box.
SFX: Trumpets, mailbox shuts.
VOICE OVER:
In time it became easier to…send for the free Catalog.
SFX: Horse’s hooves, whinnies, Music up.
VOICE OVER:
But when it arrived, listing 200 booklets to help you manage your money,
find a job…learn about Federal benefits and more, it was still hard to
handle.
SFX: Rain and thunder.
Music: Medieval chant.
VOICE OVER:
During the Dark Ages, the address for Pueblo, Colorado…was almost lost.
But that was history.
SFX: Loud thunderclap.
MUSIC: Modern, happy tune.
VOICE OVER:
Today, the free Consumer Information Catalog is…easy to send
for…easy to get…easy to use.
And you’ll get a free sample booklet with the Catalog.
So send your name and address to…Free Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
It could be the best thing you’ve done…in ages.
TITLE: MAILBOX (1987)
Spooky, suspense-filled music, thunder, and wind noise
throughout.
SFX: Footsteps.
VOICE OVER: It’s coming! Pueblo, Colorado couldn’t hold it!
SFX: Footsteps.
SFX: Rusty creaking.
VOICE OVER: It knows things you don’t. Consumer information from the
government. The free Consumer Information Catalog from Pueblo, Colorado.
SFX: Footsteps.
VOICE OVER: It knows about fixing your car…fixing your house.
SFX: Banging shutter.
VOICE OVER: About your money…about your federal benefits…about your
health. Things you need to know to protect yourself…and your family.
SFX: Creaking door.
VOICE OVER: It could be coming to…your house.
MAN: It’s here! The free Consumer Information Catalog we sent for…plus
the free sample booklet!
SFX: Thunderclap.
VOICE OVER: Send your name and address to: Catalog Plus, Pueblo, Colorado
81009. Get the free Catalog plus free sample booklet. But hurry! Before
it’s too late!
TITLE: WILD WEST (1985)
SFX: Hoofbeats
VOICE OVER: The book that’s bringin’ ‘em in off the range!
VOICE OVER: Wanted! The free Consumer Information Catalog from Pueblo,
Colorado 81009.
TALL COWBOY: Is the mail here yet?
COWBOY: Are the free catalogs in from Pueblo?
POSTMISTRESS: Hold your horses, boys! There’s jist one left!
CLERK: But the new one’ll be here in the next mail…any minute!
SFX: Hoofbeats.
VOICE OVER: Yes, it’s the free catalog from the Consumer Information
Center of the U.S. Government.
POSTMISTRESS: With more than 200 fact-filled Federal publications! And many
are free!
TALL COWBOY: Well, lookee here! It lists booklets on…
TALL COWBOY/VOICE OVER: Jobs…Food and money…Health and
safety…Exercise…even cars!
COWBOYS: Cars?!
TALL COWBOY: And you don’t have to git out of town to git one!
SFX: Hoofbeats.
TALL COWBOY/VOICE OVER: It comes right to you!
RIDER: Mail from Pueblo!
COWBOYS: Yahoo!
POSTMISTRESS: To git your free catalog, write this here address. Write:
Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
SFX: Whinny and hoofbeats.
VOICE OVER: That’s Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
TITLE: OCEAN LINER
(1980)
MUSIC (THEME FROM 1940’s TYPE MYSTERY
THRILLER):
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER:
They said it would never hold water.
The book that’s taking America by storm!
The new Consumer Information Catalog!!!
LILLIAN: Please, Foster!
You’ve had your nose buried in that book since we left Baltimore.
FOSTER: But Lillian, it lists more than two-hundred government publications.
With these booklets, you can learn to handle almost anything!
LILLIAN: Boredom, for example?
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER:
It’s the book that’s steering America’s concerned consumer right on
course!
FOSTER: Just look!
It lists federal booklets on home and car repair…children, food, physical
fitness, energy, and money.
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER:
Not sold in any bookstore…not sold at any price.
The New Catalog is free!
FOSTER: Just think, Lillian…over half of these amazing publications are
actually free.
LILLIAN: Yes, free as the air…and I think I’ll get some.
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCER:
Write: Consumer Information Center, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
Send for it today.
LILLIAN: Don’t miss the boat.
TITLE: LOCOMOTIVE (1979)
MUSIC (THEME FROM 1940’s TYPE MYSTERY THRILLER):
VOICE OVER: They said it couldn’t be written!
The book that hit America…like a runaway locomotive!
LILLIAN: For the life of me, Foster, your obsession with that book escapes
me.
It’s only…a catalog.
VOICE OVER: The book that’s helping America…find a better way to live!
From the Consumer Information Center of the U.S. Government.
LILLIAN: What do you find in that catalog?
FOSTER: Something you could never give me, Lillian.
VOICE OVER: More than two-hundred fact-filled Federal publications listed
inside! More than half, free.
FOSTER: Booklets on home and car repair, weight control,
keeping household records. I read them all…to be the man you want me to
be.
VOICE OVER: The book you have to read!
The price you won’t believe!
It’s free.
The new Consumer Information Catalog.
Just write New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado, 81009.
FOSTER: That’s New Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado, 81009.
Send for the book.
LILLIAN: Don’t wait for the movie.
TITLE: SELF HELP
(1978)
MAN: Watch your step.
Are you ready honey?
Surprise! Isn’t that something, honey?
Isn’t it terrific? Huh?
WOMAN: You paid money for this Harry?
MAN: Yeah, yeah…Don’t worry, we’ll fix it.
MAN: Home Security Alarms, Paint and Painting, Here we go…Simple Home
Repairs.
ANNOUNCER VOICE OVER:
If you could use a little help with your house…or even your household
records-what to keep-what to throw away, write us.
We’re the Consumer Information Center of the U.S. Government.
And we have a catalog of federal publications full of helpful information.
MAN: Successful Jogging…Ah, Exercise and weight control.
ANNOUNCER VOICE OVER:
The catalog lists more than two hundred publications you can send for.
And more than half are free.
WOMAN: Backyard Mechanic…Oh,…Controlling Household Pests.
ANNOUNCER VOICE OVER:
For your free copy, write Consumer Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
TITLE: WISE MAN (1977)
WISE MAN: Many people ask me the meaning of life.
That, I can answer.
But ask me how to fix a leaky faucet?
Forget it!
To answer everyday questions of that nature even I need a little
help.
So look.
Here is a free catalog put out by the Federal Government’s Consumer
Information Center.
It lists over 200 of their helpful publications that you can send away for.
And most are free.
Now look.
They can tell you many things…like how to repair plumbing…how to fix
your car…budgeting, how to diet…fatty-cakes watchout!
And one of my favorites…Drainage Around The Home.
So do yourself a favor.
Send for this free catalog.
So, write Catalog, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
After all, even he who sits at the summit of knowledge may someday get
termites in his woodshed.
TITLE:POP-UP’S (1976)
VOICE OVER:
Flip through our latest Catalog of Consumer Information.
It lists hundreds of government publications that are filled with useful
facts.
Facts you should know – about your home, and how to keep it up.
About you, and what keeps you up. About a lot of useful things.
The catalog’s free from the Consumer Information Center of the U.S.
General Services Administration. And most of the more than 200 booklets and
brochures listed in the catalog are free, too.
And they can tell you, well, how to grow vegetables in tiny gardens…how to
budget and manage your money…what to look for when you buy a used
car…even how to buy a vacuum and not get taken to the cleaners.
For your free catalog, write Consumer Information, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
MUSIC UP: LYRICS:
A lot of happy facts have been written down for you.
Learn the happy facts and be a happier you.
TITLE: HAPPY FACTS (1975)
(MUSIC & LYRICS)
It’s a fact when you’re happy, it’s written on your
face.
It’s a fact when you’re happy, it’s written everyplace.
You see it in your smile, in everything you do.
A lot of happy facts have been written down for you.
Learn the happy facts and be a happier you.
(MUSIC UNDER) ANNOUNCER:
We’re the Consumer Information Center of the U.S. General Services
Administration, and we have a lot of happy facts, over 250 government
publications filled with little know facts…about keeping records…about
nutrition…about a lot of things that can help make your life a little
happier.
For a catalog, write Consumer Information, Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
Another happy fact is, it’s free.
(MUSIC & LYRICS)
A lot of happy facts have been written down for you.
Learn the happy facts and be a happier you.