After Treatment
What does life after treatment look like for you and your family?
What If Treatment Doesn't Help?
If Your Parent Passes Away, Know That...
When your parent is finally done with treatment, you may feel a
whole range of emotions. Part of you is glad it is over. Another
part of you may miss the freedom or new responsibilities you had
while your parent was getting treatment. You may feel confused
that your parent still looks sick and is weaker than you expected.
You may be afraid the cancer will come back. You may look at life
differently now. All these feelings are normal. If you and your
family are still feeling that life after treatment is harder than you
thought it might be, you might want to talk to a counselor to get
guidance through this time.
Things may not go back to exactly how they were before cancer
came into your lives. Getting back to your "old life" may take a
long time - or it may not happen as you expect.
Here are some things that others have to say about life after
treatment. Do any of these kids sound like you?
Caleb talks about the "new normal":
"Now that my mom is done with chemo and
radiation, things are pretty different. My older
brother drove her to treatment. It was my job to
get dinner and help my little sister, Jada, with
homework each night. Now that Mom is better,
Jada doesn't need as much help from me. For a
while I was her hero. Look, I am glad Mom's
treatment went well, but getting used to her
being up and about is, well, different. My mom
says it will take time."
- Caleb, age 15
Sarah appreciates life more:
"I have to admit it, before my mom got sick we fought
a lot - over what I was wearing, who I hung
out with, or why I wasn't nicer to my
little sister. After my mother got cancer,
we pulled together more. My sister and
I got tight. She looked up to me to make
sure we were going to be all right.
Now stuff like painting my nails or
wearing cool clothes don't matter as much.
I even help run a support group for kids at my school
who have a sick parent."
- Sarah, age 17
Jake is glad to have his dad back home:
"All I can say is that I never saw my dad cry
until he finished his last chemo treatment.
The doctors said they think they
got all the cancer. My father
was so emotional - glad to be
alive. Then my mom and
brother lost it, too. I have
to say that I'm so glad my
dad is better. I used to
take him for granted.
No more."
- Jake, age 16
"It was very hard to hear that
my mom's treatment wasn't
working anymore. She and I decided
to make the most of each day.
Some days we talk nonstop. Other
times we just sit together and hold
hands. But every day, I tell my
mom how much I love her. You
can't be afraid to love. Not ever.
I learned that."
- Emily, age 16
If treatment doesn't help your parent, you and your family will
face even more challenges. Hearing that your parent might die is
very difficult. You may feel many of the same emotions you felt
when you first learned that your mom or dad had cancer.
No booklet can give you all the answers or tell you exactly how
you will feel. But when the future is so uncertain, teens say it
helps to:
Do you want more support
and guidance? |
Cancer organizations can also help you during this very
difficult time in your life. In the section called
Learning More On Your Own, you'll find some
organizations to contact.
|
You'll always have memories.
Your parent will always be part of your life. Hold on to your
memories of the good times. Don't feel guilty that you're not
respecting your parent's memory when you think about
something funny that your parent did or said. By laughing and
smiling you are bringing back just a little of what was so special
about your parent.
The pain will get less intense with time.
At first the pain may be so strong that you might wonder whether
you will ever feel happy again. Time has a way of healing. Not
being sad every day doesn't mean that you have forgotten your
parent. It just means that you are starting to heal.
Everyone grieves in his or her own way.
Some teens grieve for their parent's death by crying. Others get
quiet and spend time by themselves. Some find that they need
to be around friends and talk. Others get very angry. In any
case, most people find it helps to keep a regular routine. There
is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to deal with loss
at your own pace.
Your parent would want you to be happy.
Stay open to new experiences. Write about your thoughts.
Make small changes that give your life new meaning.
Life will change.
Life won't be the same as before, but it can be rich and full again.
Keep believing this.
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