Life Planning
Handling Money Worries
Coping with Work Issues
Looking at Living Arrangements
Advance Directives
Other Legal Papers
Other Planning
It's common to feel sad, angry, or worried about lifestyle
changes that happen because of your loved one's
cancer. You may also be making major decisions that
will affect your job or your finances. Finding ways to
cope with these issues can bring some peace of mind.
"I'm not working for the
money. I'm working for the
benefits. If we don't have
benefits, we'd lose
everything."
- Philip
The financial challenges that people with cancer and
their families face are very real. During an illness, you
may find it hard to find the time or energy to review
your options. Yet it's important to keep your family financially healthy.
For hospital bills, you or your loved one may want to talk with a hospital financial counselor. You
may be able to work out a monthly payment plan or even get a reduced rate. You may also want to
stay in touch with the insurance company to make sure certain treatment costs are covered.
For information about resources that are available, see the
Resources section. You
can also get the NCI fact sheet, "Financial Assistance for Cancer Care," at www.cancer.gov, by
searching for the terms "financial assistance." Or call toll-free 1-800-4-CANCER (1-800-422-6237)
to ask for a free copy.
"A lot of times I come home
from 8 days at the hospital
with no sleep and have to
go to work the next day.
It's very tiring."
- Betsy
One of the greatest sources of strain is trying to balance work demands with providing care and
support. The stress of caregiving can affect your work life in many ways, such as:
- Having mood swings that leave coworkers
confused or reluctant to work with you
- Being distracted or less productive
- Being late or calling in sick because of stress
- Feeling pressure from being the sole provider
for your family if your spouse or partner is
unable to work
- Feeling pressure to keep working, even though
retirement may have been approaching
It's a good idea to check into your company's rules and policies related to a loved one's illness. See
if there are any support programs for employees. Many companies have employee assistance
programs with work-life counselors for you to talk with. Some companies have eldercare policies or
other employee benefit programs that can help support you. Your employer may let you use your
paid sick leave or leave without pay.
If your employer doesn't have any policies in place, you could try to arrange something informally.
Examples include flex-time, switching shifts with coworkers, adjusting your schedule, or
telecommuting as needed.
The Family and Medical Leave Act may apply to your situation. Covered employers must give
eligible employees up to 12 work weeks of unpaid leave during a 12-month period to care for an
immediate family member with a serious health condition. Visit www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/ for
more information. For sources of support, see the Resources section.
Sometimes questions are raised about whether a loved one should live alone or with someone else.
When making these decisions, here are a few good questions to ask:
- What kind of help does your loved one need?
- Is it risky for her to live alone?
- How often will she need help?
You'll also need to consider how your loved one feels. She may fear:
- Losing her independence
- Being seen as weak or a burden to others
- Moving to a health care or other type of assisted living facility
Sometimes it's easier to consider a change in living arrangements when the advice comes from a
health professional. Social workers, including visiting nurses, those who work with older adults,
and others may be able to help.
If you have not done so already, it's important to start talking with your loved one about his wishes.
There may come a time when he can't tell the health care team what he needs. Some people
prefer to let their doctor or family members make decisions for them. But often people with
cancer feel better once their wishes are known. Talk with your loved one about what kind of care
he wants. The more you know, the more prepared you'll be.
- Advance directives are legal papers that tell the doctors what to do if your loved one can't tell
them himself. The papers let the patient decide ahead of time how he wants to be treated. They
may include a living will and a durable power of attorney.
- A living will lets people know what kind of medical care patients want if they are unable to
speak for themselves.
- A durable power of attorney for health care names a person to make medical decisions for a
patient when she can't make them herself. This person, chosen by the patient, is called a
health care proxy. It should be a person she trusts to carry out her decisions and preferences.
Setting up an advance directive is not the same as giving up. Making decisions now keeps the
patient in control. This way, his wishes are known and can be followed. This can help you both
worry less about the future and live each day to the fullest.
Make copies of your loved one's advance directives for the health care team and the hospital medical
records department. Keep one set for yourself. This will ensure that everyone knows his wishes.
A lawyer is not always needed to fill out these documents. But you may need a notary public. Each
state has its own laws concerning living wills and durable powers of attorney. These laws can vary in
important details. In some states, a living will or durable power of attorney signed in another state
isn't legal. Talk with a lawyer or social worker to get more details. Or look at your state's
government Web site.
You and your loved one may have different opinions. You should share your opinions, but in the end,
it's his or her choice. If you both can't agree, you may want to ask someone else to help. You might
talk to a member of your faith community, other people dealing with cancer, or a hospice worker.
Here are some other legal papers that are not part of the advance directives:
- A will tells how a person wants to divide money and property among heirs (survivors).
- A trust appoints a person the patient chooses to manage his money for him.
- Legal power of attorney appoints a person to make financial decisions for the patient when
he or she can't make them.
Careful planning may reduce the financial, legal,
and emotional burden you may face if your loved
one dies. For many people, it's hard to bring up
these subjects. But talking about them now can help
you avoid problems later.
Maybe you don't feel comfortable bringing up the
subject. Or maybe your family simply doesn't talk
about these things. In either case, seek help from a
member of the health care team. They may be able
to help your loved one and your family understand
the importance of talking about these issues early.
- Clearing up insurance issues. Contact the health
insurance company if the patient decides to try a
new treatment or go into hospice. Most insurance
plans cover hospice. They also cover brief home
visits from a nurse or home health aide several
times a week. But it's wise to ask in advance. This
may prevent payment problems later.
- Putting affairs in order. You can help your
friend or family member by making sure that he
organizes his records, insurance policies,
documents, and instructions. He may want to
call his bank to make sure that he has taken all
the right steps.
- Talking about funeral wishes. Some people plan
services that are celebrations. Others prefer
more traditional services. You and your loved
one may want to plan a funeral or memorial
service together. It may help both of you to plan
a ceremony that meets her desires and has her
personal touch.
A Checklist for Organizing
Your Loved One's Affairs |
- If your loved one can't physically
gather important papers, have her
make a list of where you can
find them.
- Keep papers in a fireproof box or
with a lawyer.
- If your loved one keeps important
papers in a safe deposit box, he
should make sure that a trusted
family member or friend has
access to it.
- Although original documents are
needed for legal purposes, she
should give family members
photocopies.
A worksheet of personal affairs may be found
below. You can use it as a guide to the
types of papers your family will need.
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