Your Feelings: Learning You Have Cancer
Denial Anger Fear and Worry Stress Pain Control and Self-Esteem Sadness and Depression Guilt Loneliness Hope Summing Up: Learning You Have Cancer
You will have many feelings after you learn that you have cancer. These feelings
can change from day to day, hour to hour, or even minute to minute.
Some of the feelings you may go through include:
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denial
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anger
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fear
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stress
-
anxiety
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depression
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sadness
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guilt
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loneliness
All these feelings are normal.
Feeling hopeful is also normal. No one is cheerful all the time, but while you
are dealing with cancer, hope can be an important part of your life.
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"I heard the doctor say, 'I'm sorry; the test results show that you have cancer.'
I heard nothing else. My mind went blank, and then I kept thinking, 'No, there
must be some mistake.'"
Learning that you have cancer can come as a shock. How did you react? You may
have felt numb, frightened, or angry. You may not have believed what the doctor
was saying. You may have felt all alone, even if your friends and family were
in the same room with you. These feelings are all normal.
For many people, the first few weeks after diagnosis are very difficult. After
you hear the word "cancer," you may have trouble breathing or listening to what
is being said. When you are at home, you may have trouble thinking, eating, or
sleeping.
People with cancer and those close to them experience a wide range of feelings
and emotions. These feelings can change often and without warning.
At times, you may:
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be angry, afraid, or worried
-
not really believe that you have cancer
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feel out of control and not able to care for yourself
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be sad, guilty, or lonely
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have a strong sense of hope for the future
This section looks at many of the feelings that come up when people find out
they have cancer.
When you were first diagnosed, you may have had trouble believing or accepting
the fact that you have cancer. This is called denial. Denial can be helpful
because it can give you time to adjust to your diagnosis. Denial can also give
you time to feel hopeful and better about the future.
Sometimes, denial is a serious problem. If it lasts too long, it can keep you
from getting the treatment you need. It can also be a problem when other people
deny that you have cancer, even after you have accepted it.
The good news is that most people (those with cancer as well as those they love
and care about) work through denial. By the time treatment begins, most people
accept the fact that they have cancer.
Once you accept that you have cancer, you may feel angry and scared. It is
normal to ask "Why me?" and be angry at:
-
the cancer
-
your health care providers
-
your healthy friends and loved ones
And if you are religious, you might even be angry with God.
Anger sometimes comes from feelings that are hard to show--such as fear, panic,
frustration, anxiety, or helplessness. If you feel angry, don't pretend that
everything is okay. Talk with your family and friends about your anger. Most of
the time, talking will help you feel a lot better. (See
"Sharing Your Feelings About Cancer.")
Talking to one another is loving one another.
--Kenyan Proverb
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"The word 'cancer' frightens everyone I know. It's a diagnosis that most people
fear more than any other."
It's scary to hear that you have cancer. You may be afraid or worried about:
-
being in pain, either from the cancer or the treatment
-
feeling sick or looking different as a result of your treatment
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taking care of your family
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paying your bills
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keeping your job
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dying
Your family and close friends may also worry about:
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seeing you upset or in pain
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not giving you enough support, love, and understanding
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living without you
Some fears about cancer are based on stories, rumors, and old information. Most
people feel better when they know what to expect. They feel less afraid when
they learn about cancer and its treatment. As one man with prostate cancer
said,
"I read as much as I can find about my cancer. Imagining the worst is more
frightening than knowing what might happen. Knowing the facts makes me much
less afraid."
Your body may react to the stress and worry of having cancer. You may notice
that:
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your heart beats faster
-
you have headaches or muscle pains
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you don't feel like eating
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you feel sick to your stomach or have diarrhea
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you feel shaky, weak, or dizzy
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you have a tight feeling in your throat and chest
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you sleep too much or too little
Stress can also keep your body from fighting disease as well as it should.
You can learn to handle stress in many ways, like:
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exercising
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listening to music
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reading books, poems, or magazines
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getting involved in hobbies such as music or crafts
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relaxing or meditating, such as lying down and slowly breathing in and out
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talking about your feelings with family and close friends
If you are concerned about stress, talk to your doctor or nurse. He or she may
be able to help you by referring you to a counselor or support group. You may
also join a class that teaches people ways of dealing with stress. The key is
to find ways to control stress and not to let it control you.
Even though almost everyone worries about pain, it may not be a problem for you.
Some people do not have any pain. Others have pain only once in a while. Cancer
pain can almost always be relieved. If you are in pain, your doctor can suggest
ways to help you feel better. These include:
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prescription or over-the-counter medicines
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cold packs or heating pads
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relaxation, like getting a massage or listening to soothing music
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imagery, such as thinking about a place where you feel happy and calm
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distraction, like watching a movie, working on a hobby, or anything that helps
take your mind off your pain
There is no reason for you to be bothered with pain. There are many ways to
control pain. Your doctor wants and needs to hear about your pain. As soon as
you have pain you should speak up. Dealing with your pain can also help you
deal with the feelings discussed in this chapter.
If you conceal your disease, you cannot expect to be cured.
--Ethiopian Proverb
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Pain Scales and Pain Journals
Pain scales or pain journals are tools that you can use to describe how much
pain you feel. These tools can also help your doctor, nurse, or pharmacist find
ways to treat your pain.
You are the only person who can decide how much pain you feel. When it comes to
pain, there is no right or wrong answer. On many pain scales, you are asked to
rate your pain as a number from 0 to 10. For example, you would rate your pain
as "0" if you feel no pain at all. You would rate your pain as "10" if it is
the worst pain you have ever felt in your life. You can pick any number between
0 and 10 to describe your pain.
When you use a pain scale, be sure to include the range. For example, you might
say, "Today my pain is a 7 on a scale from 0 to 10."
A pain journal or diary is another tool you can use to describe your pain. With
a journal or diary, you not only use a pain scale but also write down what you
think causes your pain and what helps you feel better.
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When you describe your pain to your doctor, nurse, pharmacist, or family member,
tell them:
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where you feel pain
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what it feels like (sharp, dull, throbbing, steady)
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how strong the pain feels
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how long it lasts
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what eases the pain and what makes it worse
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what medicines you are taking for the pain and how much they help
To find out more about pain, contact the Cancer Information Service or look
online at http://www.cancer.gov (see
"Resources for Learning More").
When you first learn that you have cancer, you may feel as if your life is out
of control. You may feel this way because:
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you wonder if you will live or die
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your daily routine is messed up by doctor visits and treatments
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people use medical words and terms that you don't understand
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you feel like you can't do things you enjoy
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you feel helpless
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the health professionals treating you are strangers
Even though you may feel out of control, there are ways you can be in charge.
For example, you can:
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Learn as much as you can about your cancer. You can call 1-800-4-CANCER
(1-800-422-6237) or TTY (for deaf and hard of hearing callers) at
1-800-332-8615. You can also go online at http://www.cancer.gov and
click on "Need Help?" at the lower
left. (See
"Learning About Your Cancer and Feeling More in Control.")
-
Ask questions. Let your health providers know when you don't understand
what they are saying, or when you want more information about
something.
-
Look beyond your cancer. Many people with cancer feel better when they
stay busy. You may still go to work, even if you need to adjust your schedule.
You can also take part in hobbies such as music, crafts, or reading.
As one woman with cancer commented,
"Once I started to feel better, I found myself looking for new outlets for
creativity. I had always promised myself that some day I would take a
photography course. My satisfaction with my new hobby helped me feel better
about other areas of my life as well."
Many people with cancer feel sad or depressed. This is a normal response to any
serious illness. When you're depressed, you may have very little energy, feel
tired, or not want to eat.
Depression is sometimes a serious problem. If feelings of sadness and despair
seem to take over your life, you may have clinical depression. The box below
lists eight common signs of depression. Let your health provider know if you
have one or more of these signs almost every day.
Early Signs of Depression
Check the signs that are problems for you:
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a feeling that you are helpless and hopeless, or that life has no meaning
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no interest in being with your family or friends
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no interest in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy
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a loss of appetite, or no interest in food
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crying for long periods of time, or many times each day
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sleep problems, either sleeping too much or too little
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changes in your energy level
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thoughts of killing yourself. This includes making plans or taking action to
kill yourself, as well as frequent thoughts about death and dying.
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Depression can be treated. Your doctor may prescribe medication. He or she may
also suggest that you talk about your feelings with a counselor or join a
support group with others who have cancer.
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
--Maori Proverb
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Many people with cancer feel guilty. For example, you may blame yourself for
upsetting the people you love. You may worry that you are a burden to others,
either emotionally or financially. Or you may envy other people's good health
and be ashamed of this feeling. You might even blame yourself for lifestyle
choices that could have led to your cancer. For example, that lying out in the
sun caused your skin cancer or that smoking cigarettes led to your lung cancer.
These feelings are all normal for people with cancer. One woman with breast
cancer said,
"When I feel guilty that I caused my cancer, I think of little children who
have cancer. That makes me realize that cancer can just happen. It isn't my
fault."
Your family and friends may also feel guilty because:
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they are healthy while you are ill
-
they can't help you as much as they want
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they feel stressed and impatient
They may also want to be perfect and feel guilty when they cannot give you all
the care and understanding you need.
Counseling and support groups can help with these feelings of guilt. Let your
doctor or nurse know if you, or someone in your family, would like to talk with
a counselor or go to a support group.
People with cancer often feel lonely or distant from others. You may find that
your friends have a hard time dealing with your cancer and may not visit. Some
people might not even be able to call you on the phone. You may feel too sick
to take part in the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy. And sometimes,
even when you are with people you love and care about, you may feel that no one
understands what you are going through.
You may feel less lonely when you meet other people who have cancer. Many
people feel better when they join a support group and talk with others who are
facing the same challenges. (See
"People Helping People.")
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
--Swedish Proverb
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Not everyone wants or is able to join a support group. Some people prefer to
talk with just one person at a time. You may feel better talking to a close
friend or family member, someone from your own religion, or a counselor.
Once people accept that they have cancer, they often feel a sense of hope. There
are many reasons to feel hopeful.
-
Cancer treatment can be successful. Millions of people who have had cancer are
alive today.
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People with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment.
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Your chances of living with--and living beyond--cancer are better now than they
have ever been before. People often live for many years after their cancer
treatment is over.
Some doctors think that hope may help your body deal with cancer. Scientists are
looking at the question of whether a hopeful outlook and positive attitude
helps people feel better. Here are some ways you can build your sense of hope:
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Write down your hopeful feelings and talk about them with others.
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Plan your days as you always have done.
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Don't limit the things you like to do just because you have cancer.
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Look for reasons to hope.
However long the night, the dawn will break.
--Hausa (African) Proverb
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You may find hope in nature, or your religious or spiritual beliefs. Or you may
find hope in stories (such as the ones in this book) about people with cancer
who are leading active lives.
You will have many feelings as you learn to live with cancer. These feelings can
change from day to day, hour to hour, or even minute to minute.
Feelings of denial, anger, fear, stress and anxiety, depression, sadness, guilt,
and loneliness are all normal. So is a feeling of hope. While no one is
cheerful all the time, hope is a normal and positive part of your cancer
experience.
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