You and Your Friends
"Before my big brother Trevor got
cancer, my three best friends
were my life. I didn't go anywhere
without them. I was never really
home. Things are different now.
I still see my friends, but I want to
hang out with Trevor a lot more
now. I definitely don't take him
for granted anymore. My friends
keep on going like nothing has
changed. And for them - nothing
has."
- Taylor, age 16
Your friends are important to
you, and you're important to
them. In the past, you could
tell them everything. Now
that your brother or sister
has cancer, it may seem like
lots is changing - even your
friendships. Here are some
things to think about:
Some friends may not
know what to say.
- It's hard for some
people to know what to
say. They may be afraid
of upsetting you. Try
to be gentle with friends who
don't ask how you're doing or who
don't talk about your brother's
or sister's cancer.
- You may need to
take the first step.
- Try saying
something
like this:
Some friends may ask
tough questions.
"Sometimes it's hard talking
about everything that's
going on. If this was
happening to one of my
friends, I probably wouldn't
know what to say to them,
either. It just makes me
appreciate even more the
friends who have called or
stopped by to hang out."
- Justin, age 16
- It may be hard to
answer questions
about what you and
your family are
going through.
You may want to
try to help your
friends understand
what's going on.
Or sometimes you
may not feel like
talking at all.
- Try saying
something
like this:
- If you don't
feel like
talking,
try saying
something
like this:
|
|
Your friends have
their own lives.
" People asked me questions all
the time. They'd say things like,
'I heard Molly isn't coming back
to school this year' or 'I heard
your mom was having a
breakdown.' When I told them
the truth, they didn't believe
me. And they'd ask dumb
questions like, 'Can Molly walk?
Can she write?' They didn't
know what was going on, and I
didn't know how to answer them.
I got sick of it."
- John, age 14
- It may feel like your
friends don't care
anymore. It might
seem as though
their lives are
moving on and
yours is not. It can
be hard to watch
them get together
with others or do
things without you.
They aren't facing
the situation you
are right now, so it
may be hard for
them to relate.
- You might want to try saying something like this:
"I get the feeling my
friends want me to just
'get over it' and go
back to how life was
before we found out my
sister has cancer. But
I wish they understo
od
that sometimes I just
don't feel like doing
what they're doing
or talking about what
they're talking about.
I really want to spend
time with my sister."
- Max, age 15
"Now that my brother lost his har and is so skinny,
I don't want my friends to come over anymore. I don't want them to see
how Tim looks. Besides, it's not easy to laugh and play at home when
he's so sick."
- Caroline, age 14
"My friends have been
great. They love Emma
like she was their own
sister. It helps to know
that they care."
- Angie, age 13
Dealing With Embarrassment |
It may be hard to talk with your friends. You may feel
embarrassed that your brother or sister has cancer, or that now
your family is different. You may not want to tell anyone about it.
But when someone in your family is sick,
you really need friends you can talk with.
|
Having Fun and Making New Friends |
Old friends:
Even though you may have a lot on your mind, you can still get
together with your friends and have a good time. If you can't
leave home as much, ask if your friends can come over. Make time
to relax. It's both good and important for you.
Make a list of
fun things you and your friends like to do together.
Then do them!
|
New friends:
A lot is happening to you right now. Sometimes old friends move
on. You may not have as much in common as you used to. The
good news is that you may make new friends through this
experience. Kids who used to just pass you in the halls may now
ask you how you are doing. Kids who you used to be friends with
may become close friends again. Be open to new friendships.
Going to
support groups
at the hospital or at school is a good
way to meet new friends. Support groups can help connect you
with other kids who can relate to you - because they're going
through some of the same things that you are.
Dealing With Hurtful Remarks |
Unfortunately, some kids may say mean things. Others speak
before they think and before they get the facts. No matter the
reason, it can hurt when kids make jokes or say hurtful things
about you, cancer, or your brother or sister.
What can you do?
- Ignore the comment.
- Say, "Hey, my brother/sister has cancer. It's not funny. How
would you feel if it were your brother/sister?"
- Being bullied? Go to your teacher, principal, or guidance
counselor right away.
|
Back to Top
< Previous Section | Next Section > |