Managing the Stress of Caregiving
If you give care for a parent or elderly family member, chances are good that you also feel stressed at times. Perhaps you feel guilty because you think you aren't doing enough, and you're frustrated that you can't do more. Can't remember the last time you slept through the night without a call from your father? Can't bear to see what's happening to your mother, whose health has been failing for some time?
You are not alone. A study conducted by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP found that more than half of those who provide major care for parents experience stress and strain. Studies show that experiencing stress is not just unpleasant — it can negatively affect your health, well-being, and ability to provide care.
When you are caring for others, taking care of yourself and your needs is like doing regular maintenance on your car. It is critical to staying in shape over time.
Managing your stress will improve your physical and mental health to benefit yourself, your elderly loved ones, and others who depend on you.
Take Care of Your Health
- Eat nutritious meals. Don't give in to stress-driven urges
for sweets or drink too much alcohol.
- Get enough sleep. If you are kept up at night, try a nap
during the day to make up some sleep.
- Exercise regularly, even if it means finding someone else
to provide care while you walk or go to exercise
class.
- Get regular medical checkups. If you have any symptoms of depression (extreme sadness, trouble concentrating, apathy, hopelessness, thoughts about death), see a doctor right away. Depression is an illness that can, and should, be treated.
Involve Others
Make a list of jobs you need help with. They could include
household chores, home repair or maintenance, driving, paying
bills, finding information on services you need. Maybe it's
simply giving you a break by staying with Mom while you get
away for awhile. Ask friends, neighbors and other family
members if they could give some time to helping out.
Maintain Social Contacts
Isolation increases stress. Having fun, laughing, and focusing
on something besides your problems helps you keep your
emotional balance.
Get Help From Community Services and Organizations
- Consider a geriatric care manager to coordinate your
parent's care. Support could include home health aides,
shopping assistants, a housekeeper, a handyman, meal services,
and referral programs.
- Perhaps volunteers or staff from faith-based organizations
could visit or help with driving.
- Respite care can give you some time off.
- Adult day centers, which usually operate five days a week during business hours, provide care to older people in a group setting — including health monitoring, transportation, nursing care and therapeutic recreation.
Talk About It
Research suggests that keeping your feelings bottled up can
harm your immune system and lead to illness. Talk to friends
and family about your feelings. Share experiences with
coworkers in similar situations. See a professional counselor.
Join a caregiver support group to share emotions and
experiences, seek and give advice, and exchange practical
information.
Deal Constructively with Negative Feelings
When feeling resentful, think about how to change things.
Recognize the anger-guilt-anger cycle, and stop it immediately
by forgiving yourself for being angry. Then distance yourself
from the situation, figure out what caused the anger, and
decide how you can respond more constructively the next time.
Hold a family meeting to resolve conflicts with relatives. And
recognize your accomplishments as a caregiver instead of
dwelling on your shortcomings.
Providing care for an elderly loved one can be stressful, but there are ways to reduce the stress. By maintaining a healthy routine, watching your diet, enlisting help from others and exploring community services that support caregivers, you can ensure that you are providing the best care possible – for your loved ones and yourself.
AARP Resources
Managing
Stress
AARP offers a series of articles about dealing with stress.
Additional Resources
Stressed
Out? Advice to Help.
Advice from the Cleveland Clinic on the WebMD.com site.
How
to Manage Stress When Caring for Elderly Relatives
Some healthy advice from Purdue University.
Books
Find these books online at Borders
Complete Eldercare Planner: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and how to Find Help, Joy Loverde, 2000
Caring for Yourself while Caring for Your Aging Parents: How to Help, how to Survive, Claire Berman, Deborah Brody (Editor), 2001.
