If a couple is having a domestic violence problem, don't they just have a bad relationship? Maybe it's poor marital communication that is the problem?

Bad relationships do not result in or cause domestic violence. The idea that bad relationships cause violence in the home is one of the most common, and dangerous, misconceptions about domestic violence. First, it encourages all parties involved including and especially the victim- to minimize the seriousness of the problem and focus their energies on "improving the relationship" in the false hope that this will stop the violence. It also allows the abuser to blame the bad relationship, and thus the violence, on the victim, rather than acknowledging his/her own responsibility.

More importantly, improving the relationship is not likely by itself to end the violence. Violence is learned behavior. Many couples have had bad relationships yet never become physically violent. Many batterers are violent in every one of their relationships, whether they consider them bad or good. The violent individual is the sole source and cause of the violence, and neither his/her partner nor their relationship should be help responsible. Indeed, regardless of the quality or future of a couple's relationship, stopping the violence must be atop priority and an end in itself and only the batterer can do that.

Aren't most domestic violence incidents caused by alcohol or drug abuse?

Many people have alcohol and/or drug problems but are not violent, similarly, many batterers are not substance abusers. How people behave when they are "under the influence" of alcohol and/or drugs depends on a complex combination of personal and social, physical and emotional factors. And like many other kinds of behavior, alcohol or drug-affected behavior patterns are culturally learned.

In our culture, many leisure and social events involve heavy drinking, which can unfortunately, contribute and or lead to conflicts ending in violence. Furthermore, many people in troubled situations - such as domestic violence - use alcohol or drugs as a way to avoid facing their problem.

It is often easier to blame an alcohol or drug abuse problem than to admit that you or your partner is openly, soberly violent. Episodes of problem drinking and incidents of domestic violence often occur separately and must be treated as two distinct issues. Neither alcoholism nor drug abuse can explain or excuse domestic violence.

Isn't domestic violence often triggered by stress, for example, the loss of ajob or some financial or marital problem?

Daily life is full of frustration associated with money and work, our families and other personal relationships. Everyone experiences stress, and everyone responds to it differently...

Violence is a specific learned and chosen response to stress, whether real or imagined. Certainly, high general levels of domestic violence are related to social problems such as unemployment, however, other reactions to such situations are equally possible. Some people take out their frustrations on themselves with drug or alcohol, some take it out on others with verbal or physical abuse. Some work out stress by taking up sports or hobbies, while still others fight back in socially positive ways. Learning to handle stress in constructive ways can be an important step in stopping violent behavior.

Doesn't most domestic violence occur in lower class or minority communities?

Domestic violence occurs at all levels of society, in all classes and communities, regardless of their social, economic or cultural backgrounds.

What did she do to provoke him to violence?

When it comes to domestic violence, it takes two to fight. Many victims report that the violence occurs unexpectedly, sometimes without warning. Often, the incident is caused by a trifle or other pretext which the offender later claims as ample provocation. Unfortunately, the victim may blame herself- as may everyone else.

However, no one makes another person act violently, it is a choice. When a person is provoked to anger, he can or she can choose how to respond, and many possible responses are available. Even if a violent incident is preceded by a heated verbal argument, nothing - either words or actions justifies violence against a person, except in eases of self-defense.

Don't most batterers lose control during violent incidents and not know what they're doing?

If batterers were truly out of control, as many claim to be during violent incidents, there would be many more domestic violence homicides. In fact, many batterers do "control" their violence, abusing their victims in less visible places on their bodies, such as under the hairline or on the torso. Furthermore, researchers have found that domestic violence occurs in cycles, and every episode is preceded by a predictable, repeated pattern of behavior and decisions made by the batterer.

Aren't there just as many cases of "husband battering" as wife battering, even if they aren't reported?

Relatively few cases of husband battering show up in police records, clinics or anonymous random surveys. The overwhelming portion of adult victims of domestic violence are current or former wives, girlfriends or lovers of the batterer.

Isn't domestic violence a less serious problem - less lethal - than "real" violence, like street crimes?

It is a terrible and unrecognized fact that for many people, home is the least safe place. Domestic violence accounts for a significant proportion of all serious crimes - aggravated assault, rape and homicide. Furthermore, when compare with stranger-to-stranger crime, rate of occurrence and levels of severity are still underrated for domestic violence.

Source: Domestic Violence: A Training Curriculum for Law Enforcement.

Domestic Violence Facts

In 1995 more than 180,000 calls were made to 911 for family disputes in New York City. (NY Police Department 1995 Statistics.)

The total annual cost of domestic violence to NYC residents is $500 million. This includes the costs of emergency room visits, law enforcement, court action detention, homelessness, and foster care, as well as the money that employers lose to reduced worker productivity, increased turnover, and absenteeism. (NYC Statistics from the 1996 Report of the Commission on Domestic Violence)

Domestic violence occurs in approximately 25-33% of same-sex relationships. (NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, October 1996.)

Boys who witness their fathers' violence are 10 times more likely to engage in spouse abuse in later adulthood than boys from non-violent homes. (Family Violence Interventions for the Justice System, 1993)

In a recent survey by the Kenyan Women Rights Awareness Program, 70% of the men and women interviewed said they knew neighbors who beat their wives. Nearly 60% said women were to blame for the beatings. Just 51% said the men should be punished. (The New York Times, 10131197)

A University of Pennsylvania research study found that domestic violence is the leading cause of Injury to low-income, inner-city Philadelphia women between the ages of 15 to 44 - more common than automobile accidents, mugging and rapes combined. In this study domestic violence included injuries caused by street crime.

Every 90 seconds, somewhere in America, someone Is sexually assaulted. (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). RAINN calculation based on 1999 USD0J NCVS data.)

Medical expenses from domestic violence total at least $3 to $5 billion annually.

Globally, at least one in three women and girls had been beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. (UN Commission on the Status of Women, 2/28/00)

Source: Domestic Violence: A Training Curriculum for Law Enforcement.