Life Advice
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Protecting Your Child

The Life Advice® pamphlet about Protecting Your Child was produced by the MetLife Consumer Education Center and reviewed by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and is being distributed in cooperation with the Federal Citizen Information Center and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI).

Protection Starts At Home
Safety Rules for Children
Basic Safety Rules for Parents
Situations Not Strangers
Safeguarding Your Child in Cyberspace
How To React When You Believe a Child is Missing
Precautionary Measures
The National Center for Missing And Exploited Children
For More Information

When it comes to our children, we all want the best. We want them to grow up to become happy, safe, confident adults who are able to make responsible choices. Unfortunately, the FBI estimates that as many as 2,300 children are reported missing to the police each day. Some become lost, some run away. Some are abducted, and others are thrown away. Some fall prey to crime, are abused, exploited, murdered. Therefore, alerting our children about dangerous situations has become as necessary as teaching them the ABCs. Fortunately, parents armed with the right information can go a long way toward coaching children to stay out of harm's way.

Teaching children to be aware and alert doesn't mean teaching them to be fearful and afraid. The goal is to train youth to use their eyes, ears and knowledge to make appropriate judgments about situations, and to encourage children to turn to a trusted adult for help if a problem does arise.

Protection Starts At Home

Home should be a place where children feel truly comfortable about talking freely about their likes and dislikes, their friends and their feelings. In that kind of open atmosphere, children hopefully will feel comfortable turning to their parents or another trusted adult with life's ups and downs.

If you notice a change in your child's behavior, have a heart-to-heart talk. Find a comfortable place where you won't be interrupted and talk with your child in a concerned and nonthreatening way. Ask teachers and school administrators if there's a problem at school and, if so, ask them for help.

Here are some strategies for promoting good communication with your children and an athosphere to help them thrive:

• Remind them how much they're loved with hugs, words and gestures appropriate from a parent.
• Listen-really listen-to your children.
• Build confidence and self-esteem in your children by "catching" them being good. Look for situations to say "congratulations," "way to go" or "good job."
• Support your children's involvement in extracurricular activities, sports and hobbies of their choice.
• Show interest in your children's schoolwork and activities.
• Get to know your children's teachers and caregivers.
• Get to know your children's friends and their families.
• Respect an older child's need for privacy, but don't ignore the continued need for parental supervision and involvement.
• If you're overwhelmed by a family problem, seek the assistance of a trained counselor or clergy person.

Safety Rules For Children

As soon as your children can articulate a sentence, you should begin teaching them how to protect themselves. The following are some basic safety rules to convey:

• If you get separated from your parents in a public place, go to a checkout counter, security office or lost and found area. Tell the person in charge that you need help finding your parents.
• If someone wants to take your picture, say NO and tell your parents, day care provider or teacher.
• Do NOT get in a car or go anywhere with any person unless your parents have told you that it is okay. (Parents: Share a code word with your child known only among family members. Stress to your child that anyone offering a ride unexpectedly--even a family friend-will have been given the code word in advance.)
• If someone follows you on foot or in a car, immediately get to a safe area.
• Don't approach the car of anyone who claims to be asking for directions or looking for a lost pet.
• If someone tries to take you somewhere without your parents' permission, quickly get away from him or her and scream, "This person is not my parent."
• Always ask your parents' permission to go somewhere and try to have a friend with you.

Basic Safety Rules For Parents

Use your eyes, ears and intuition to help you protect your children. Here are some safety rules for parents:

• Know where your children are at all times. Insist they ask permission to go to a friend's house or play in the neighborhood.
• Be sensitive to changes in your child's behavior. Keep the lines of communication open so you can ask your child what's going on.
• Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of attention to your child or giving them inappropriate or expensive gifts.
• Remember what your child is wearing each time your child leaves the house.
• Do not permit your child to wear any clothing that has your child's name visible to others. Personalizations can help a kidnapper gain your child's trust.

Situations Not Strangers

Simply telling children not to talk to strangers could mislead them. More often, children are harmed by someone they know--a relative, family friend, neighbor or other familiar adult. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), children are better served with instructions to be wary of certain kinds of situations or behaviors--such as touching or being touched by an adult in any place a swimsuit would cover--rather than individuals who have an unusual or disheveled appearance. A clear, calm and reasonable message about potentially harmful situations and actions may be easier for children to understand than a profile or image of a stranger.

Children can be raised to be polite and friendly, but tell them it is okay for them to be suspicious of any adult asking for assistance. Often exploiters or abductors initiate seemingly innocent contact with the victim. They might ask for help in finding a lost puppy, or simply ask for directions.

Teach children at an early age that they:

• Should trust their feelings.
• Have the right to say no to what they sense is wrong.
• Should not keep secrets from their parents.

If someone does approach them in a manner that makes them feel uncomfortable, they should tell their parents immediately.

Safeguarding Your Child In Cyberspace

More and more homes and schools are connected by computer to commercial services, private bulletin boards and the Internet.

Parents should be aware of these systems and how they work. Ways to be connected via computer include:

• Online services, which are maintained by commercial, self-regulated businesses. They may screen or provide some editorial and user controls of the material contained on their systems.
• Computer Bulletin Boards, called BBS systems, can be operated by individuals, businesses or organizations. The material presented is usually theme oriented, offering information on hobbies and interests. While there are BBS systems that feature adult-oriented material, most attempt to limit minors from accessing the information contained on those systems.
• The Internet, a global "network of networks," is not governed by any entity. This leaves no limits or checks on the kind of information that is maintained by and accessible to Internet users.

Children and teenagers can get a lot of benefit from being online, but they also can be targets of crime and exploitation in the new environment. Some of the potential risks of unsupervised online activity include:

• Exposure to material of a sexual or violent nature.
• Inadvertently providing information or arranging an encounter that could risk a child's safety.
• Receiving electronic mail or bulletin board messages that are harassing, demeaning or belligerent.

Most online services and Internet providers allow parents to limit their children's access to certain services and features such as adult-oriented "chat rooms" and bulletin boards. Check for these controls when you first subscribe. Here are some helpful hints that also can minimize many potential risks:

• Keep the computer in a central location, such as the kitchen or family room, rather than in a child's bedroom. This way, everyone in the family has access to it.
• Don't use computers and online services as electronic baby-sitters.
• Set and discuss reasonable rules for using the computer.
• Become familiar with the services your child can access and how they work.
• Show interest in how your child is spending time online, and have your child explain what he or she is learning.
• Consider using a pseudonym or not listing your child's name if the service allows it.
• Never give out identifying information or personal information in a public message such as a "chat" or bulletin board, and be sure you're dealing with someone both you and your child know and trust before disclosing identifying information in an E-mail.
• Beware of any offers that involve meeting someone.
• Never respond to messages or bulletin board items that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent, threatening or make you feel uncomfortable. Encourage your child to inform you of any such messages and, if you or your child receive a message that is harassing, of a sexual nature, or threatening, forward a copy to your service provider and ask for their assistance.
• Should you become aware of the transmission, use or viewing of child pornography while online, immediately report this to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children by calling 1-800-843-5678. You also should notify your online service.

How To React When You Believe A Child Is Missing

If you can't immediately locate your child, stay calm. Most likely, your child is safe, preoccupied in an activity and has no clue you are worried.

If your child is missing at home, first, search the house. For a young child, you should check closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside old refrigerators-- wherever a child could crawl into or hide and possibly be asleep or not able to get out. For an older child, check with the child's friends, with neighbors or at other hangouts. If you still cannot find your child, call the police immediately.

If your child disappears when shopping, notify the manager of the store or the security office and ask for assistance in finding your child. Then telephone the police.

When speaking with the police, identify yourself and your location and say, "Please send an officer. I want to report a missing child."

When an officer arrives to take your report:

• Give your child's name, date of birth, height, weight and any unique identifiers.
• Tell when you noticed the disappearance and when you last saw your child.
• Describe the clothing the child was wearing when he or she disappeared.
• Tell the officer if your child is mentally challenged or drug dependent.
• Listen to instructions and answer any questions as completely as you can.
• Provide police with a recent photograph.
• Write down the officer's name, badge number, telephone number and the police report number.
• Keep a notebook and record all information about the investigation.

Tell the police that you want your child immediately entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File. This ensures that any law-enforcement agency in the country will be able to identify your child if found in another community. There is NO mandatory waiting period for reporting a missing child to the police or for entry into NCIC. Then, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678 and the National Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-621-4000.

Don't panic or lose sight of the immediate task at hand, locating your child. If you think your child has run away, keep in mind that many children return within 48 hours.

Precautionary Measures

Most likely, the following precautionary measures will never prove necessary. But just in case your child might disappear:

• Keep and update regularly a complete written description of your child. Include date of birth, color of hair and eyes, height, weight, unique physical attributes and any other significant identifiers (braces, pierced ears, eyeglasses).
• Take color photographs of your child every six months. Photographs should be of high quality and in focus so the child is easily recognizable. Head and shoulder portraits from different angles, such as those taken by school photographers, are preferable.
• Make sure the dentist updates your child's dental charts each time an examination or dental work is performed.
• Know where your child's medical records are located. Medical records, particularly X-rays, can be invaluable in helping to identify a recovered child. It is important to have all permanent scars, birthmarks, blemishes and broken bones recorded.
• Arrange with your local police department to have your child fingerprinted. In order for fingerprints to be useful in identifying a person, they must be taken properly. Your police department has trained personnel to assist you. The police department will give you the fingerprint card and will NOT keep a record of the child's prints.

The National Center For Missing And Exploited Children

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), established in 1984 as a private, nonprofit organization, serves as a clearinghouse of information on missing and exploited children. NCMEC also provides technical assistance to citizens and law enforcement agencies, offers training programs to law enforcement and social services professionals, and distributes photographs and descriptions of missing children nationwide.

A 24-hour, toll-free telephone line is open for those who have information on missing and exploited children: 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678). This number is accessible throughout the United States, Canada, and Mexico. The TDD line is 1-800-826-7653. The NCMEC business number is 1-703-235-3900. The NCMEC facsimile number is 1-703-235-4067.

How NCMEC Can Help
After you have reported your child missing to the local police department, call NCMEC toll-free number. An operator will take information concerning your child, a case manager may be able to follow up with you and the police department investigating the case, and the NCMEC may be able to refer you to a support group in your community that also can help.

For More Information

NCMEC has brochures titled Child Protection, Child Safety on the Information Highway, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, a poster titled My 8 Rules for Safety and the Just in Case . . .series:

Just in Case. . . Finding Professional Help
Just in Case. . . You are Considering Daycare
Just in Case. . . You Need a Babysitter
Just in Case. . . Your Child might someday be a runaway
Just in Case. . . Your Child might someday be missing
Just in Case. . . Your Child might someday be the victim of sexual exploitation

The first 50 copies are free. Each additional copy is 10¢ To order, send a check or money order payable to NCMEC:

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
Charles B. Wang International Children's Building
699 Prince Street
Alexandria, VA 22314-3175

Cyber Tip Line 1-800-843-5678

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children considers requests to reprint/use its copyrighted materials for educational, noncommercial purposes. To order these original titles and obtain information on NCMEC's reprint policy, please call 1-800/THE-LOST (1-800/843-5678).

January 2002
Revised: January 2006