Helping children understand AD
When a family member has Alzheimer's disease (AD), it affects everyone in the family, including children and grandchildren. Giving children understandable information about AD can help them cope with Alzheimer's in their family. The type of relationship the child has with the family member and the child's age are important to help determine:
- What information the child receives
- How the information is presented
- The child's part, if any, in caring for the person with AD
The Alzheimer's Disease Education and Referral (ADEAR) Center lists a number of resources about AD that are available for children of all ages. Some appear on the ADEAR Web site; others are listed on the Alzheimer's disease library (AD Lib) site (search "children" in AD Lib). The Alzheimer's Association maintains a list of resources for children.
The resources at the Web sites above go into more detail about how to talk with and support children affected by AD. Generally, some suggestions are:
- Answer children's questions simply and honestly. For example, you might tell a young child, "Grandma has an illness that makes it hard for her to remember things."
- Help children to know that their feelings of sadness and anger are normal.
- Comfort them. If children express guilt or feel that they may have done something to hurt their grandparent, reassure them that they did not cause the disease.
If the child lives in the same house as someone with AD:
- Do not expect a young child to help care for the person with AD.
- Make sure the child has time for his or her own interests and needs, such as playing with friends, going to school activities, or doing homework.
- Make sure you spend time with your child, so he or she does not feel that all your attention is on the person with AD.
- Help the child understand your feelings. Be honest about your feelings when you talk with a child, but do not overwhelm him or her.
Many younger children will look to you to see how to act around the person with AD. Show children they can still talk with the person, at least in the early stages of AD. Doing fun things together, with parental supervision depending on the age of the child, can help both the child and the person with AD. Here are some things they might do:
- Walk in the neighborhood
- Do simple arts and crafts
- Play music
- Sing
- Look through photo albums
- Read stories out loud
However, in the later stages, the person with AD may be completely unresponsive. This may be very hard for a child to understand.
Some children might not talk about their negative feelings, but you may see changes in how they act. Problems at school, with friends, or at home can be signs that they are upset. You may want to ask a school counselor or a social worker to help a child understand what is happening and how to cope.
A teenager might find it very hard to accept how the person with AD has changed. He or she might find the changes upsetting and not want to be around the older person. It is a good idea to talk with teenagers about their concerns and feelings. Do not force them to spend time with the person who has AD. This could make things worse.
If the stress of living with someone who has AD becomes too great for a child, talk to other family members or friends about helping out. Or, find out about, and consider using, respite care options available in your community. Then, both you and your child can get a much-needed break.